Retf > Retf's Quotes

“If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Monkeys can't talk, stupid!”
― Jeff Kinney, Rodrick Rules

“Dear Aunt Loretta,
Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?
I love the way the pants look on my legs!
All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.
Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!
Sincerely, Greg”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“The best person I know is Myself.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.”
― Jeff Kinney, Dog Days

“There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.
But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.
Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."
That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“Zoo-Wee Mama!”
― Jeff Kinney

“I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Last Straw

“For the record, I think it should be illegal for a boy to have to fold his mother's underwear.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Ugly Truth

“See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.”
― Jeff Kinney, The Ugly Truth

“Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.”
― Jeff Kinney

“So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.”
― Jeff Kinney, Cabin Fever

“YO MOMMA”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”
― Jeff Kinney