Melissa > Melissa's Quotes

“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
― Erma Bombeck

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”
― Erma Bombeck

“Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip”
― Erma Bombeck

“There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.”
― Erma Bombeck

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”
― Erma Bombeck

“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”
― Erma Bombeck

“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
― Bill Cosby

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
― Bill Cosby

“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”
― Bill Cosby

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”
― Bill Cosby

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.”
― Ashleigh Brilliant

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“Once poverty is gone, we'll need to build museums to display its horrors to future generations. They'll wonder why poverty continued so long in human society - how a few people could live in luxury while billions dwelt in misery, deprivation and despair.”
― Muhammad Yunus, Creating a World Without Poverty: Social Business and the Future of Capitalism