Mike > Mike's Quotes

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

“All the problem of women, starts with men. All the problem of men, ends with women.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'”
― Isaac Asimov

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.”
― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

“She doesn't want to end up like me. At least I'm giving someone an example not to follow.”
― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”
― Isaac Asimov

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”
― Mark Twain

“Any God I ever found in church, I brought in myself.”
― Alice Walker

“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
― Isaac Asimov

“In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!”
― Woody Allen

“Activism is my rent for living on the planet.”
― Alice Walker

“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
― Mark Twain

“he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something”
― Woody Allen

“Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for.”
― Alice Walker

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

“I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”
― Woody Allen

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”
― Alice Walker

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

“Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

“Millions of books written on every conceivable subject by all these great minds and in the end, none of them knows anything more about the big questions of life than I do … I read Socrates. This guy knocked off little Greek boys. What the Hell’s he got to teach me? And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we’re gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. It’s not worth it. And Freud, another great pessimist. I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.”
― Woody Allen

“Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
― Woody Allen

“Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.”
― Woody Allen

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
― Steve Martin

“One word I’d use to describe space is lonely. The only way I’ll board a space shuttle is if I had a babysitter with me. You know, to watch the baby I’ll make with her.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks