Alex McCarron > Alex's Quotes

“Modesty is the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.”
― Oliver Herford

“A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: she changes it more often.”
― Oliver Herford

“What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg into an electric fan.”
― Oliver Herford

“She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it's there, because it can't hurt, and because what difference does it make?”
― Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!”
― Charles Bukowski

“We have not touched the stars,
nor are we forgiven, which brings us back
to the hero’s shoulders and the gentleness that comes,
not from the absence of violence, but despite
the abundance of it.”
― Richard Siken, Crush

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“I like to spoon after I fork.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to. 
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“My favorite pastime is staring out the window. When I go on tour, I can spend hours and hours just staring out the window, thinking about nothing. I love all that.”
― Noel Gallagher

“He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam)”
― Noel Gallagher

“True perfection has to be imperfect. I know that sounds foolish, but it's true.”
― Noel Gallagher

“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Aren't you embarrassed undressing in front of a queer?" Leonard said. "All you know, I might be sizing up your butthole."
"Just call me a tease.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Mucho Mojo

“The love of man to woman is a thing common and of course, and at first partakes more of instinct and passion than of choice; but true friendship between man and man is infinite and immortal.

–Plato-”
― Plato

“Every one of Joel's important songs--including the happy ones--are ultimately about loneliness. And it's not 'clever lonely' (like Morrissey) or 'interesting lonely' (like Radiohead); it's 'lonely lonely,' like the way it feels when you're being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.”
― Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto

“It is important to have questionable friends you can trust unconditionally.”
― Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl

“What is going to happen in the course of my day that will be an improvement over lying on something very soft, underneath something very warm, wearing only underwear, doing absolutely nothing, all by myself?”
― Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl

“My melancholy is the most faithful mistress I have known; what wonder, then, that I love her in return.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

“I choose one thing: always to have the laughter on my side.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”
― Woody Allen, Standup Comic

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”
― Woody Allen

“The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.”
― Woody Allen

“I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”
― Woody Allen

“Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.”
― Robert Heinlein

“If the dead are watching, I want them to see us writing, dancing, singing, painting. I want them to see that we still reach out to each other.”
― Richard Siken

“One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why spend 2/7th of your life wasting your free time? After all, free time isn’t free. Free time is the most expensive time you have, because nobody pays for it but you. But that also makes it the most valuable time you have, as you alone stand to reap the profits from spending it wisely.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Should Have Renamed This

“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want