Steph > Steph's Quotes

“He had a bleeding cut on his leg and he smelled like shit.
Her nose wrinkled. "Step in something?" she asked innocently.
"That I did not mind." He took a menacing step toward her. "What I did mind was being hit by a cab, then landing on the lap of a naked man. With an erection, Anya. He had an erection.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Kiss

“Marry me, Kiara,” he blurts out in front of everyone.
“Why?” she asks, challenging him.
“Because I love you,” he says, walking up to her and bending down on one knee while he takes her hand in his, “and I want to go to sleep with you every night and wake up seein’ your face every mornin’, I want you to be the mother of my children, I want to fix cars with you and eat your crappy tofu tacos that you think are Mexican. I want to climb mountains with you and be challenged by you, I want to argue with you just so we can have crazy hot makeup sex. Marry me, because without you I’d be six feet under … and because I love your family like they’re my own … and because you’re my best friend and I want to grow old with you.” He starts tearing up, and it’s shocking because I’ve never seen him cry. “Marry me, Kiara Westford, because when I got shot the only thing I was thinkin’ about was comin’ back here and makin’ you my wife. Say yes, chica.”
― Simone Elkeles, Chain Reaction

“- I don't want you to love me.
- Too late, mi chava.”
― Simone Elkeles, Chain Reaction

“Readers have the right to say whatever the fuck they want about a book. Period. They have that right. If they hate the book because the MC says the word “delicious” and the reader believes it’s the Devil’s word and only evil people use it, they can shout from the rooftops “This book is shit and don’t read it” if they want. If they want to write a review entirely about how much they hate the cover, they can if they want. If they want to make their review all about how their dog Foot Foot especially loved to pee on that particular book, they can."

[Blog entry, January 9, 2012]”
― Stacia Kane

“Please welcome Professor Varen Nethers, famous depressed dead poets historian and author of the bestselling books Unlocking your Poe-tential: A Writer's Guide, and Mo Poe Fo Yo: When You Just Can't Get Enough.”
― Kelly Creagh, Nevermore

“Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned.
"Would you like me to pull over and ask that bamboo for directions?"
"I don't know, do you think it will answer?"
We peered at the bamboo.
"I think it looks suspicious," Andrea said.
"Maybe there is a heffalump hiding in it."
Andrea stared at me.
"You know, heffalump? From Pooh Bear?"
"Where do you even get this shit?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“I got a dog-training book. It says Grendel needs mental stimulation, so I tried to train him, but I think he must be retarded.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“The stallion stared in my direction and bared his teeth. Now horses were giving me crap.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Gifts

“The phone rang. I picked it up.
“Are you sitting down?” Curran's voice asked.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Click.
I listened to the disconnect signal. If he wanted me to sit, then I'd stand. I got up. The chair got up with me and I ended up bent over my desk, with the chair stuck to my butt. I grabbed the edge of the chair and tried to pull it off.
It remained stuck.
I would murder him. Slowly. And I'd enjoy every second of it.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing…
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."
Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”
― Ilona Andrews, Curran

“If you come, you better come in force because I will kill every single one of you. My hand won't shake, my aim won't falter. My face will be the last thing you'll see before you die." I jammed my knife into the table and walked out.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“He finished the bandage and was examining it critically.
"You know those things are unreliable." His voice held just a touch of reproach.
“Eleven out of twelve work fine. I’d say that’s better chances than getting an orgasm with a blind date and women still try.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“I picked up the phone and dialed Andrea's extension.
“Yes?”
“He glued the chair to my ass.”
Silence.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I'm secure enough in myself to wear panties with bows on them. Besides, they are comfy and soft."
"I bet." He almost purred.
I gulped.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“William leaned forward and pointed at the river. “I don’t know why you rolled in spaghetti sauce,” he said in a confidential voice. “I don’t really care. But that water over there won’t hurt you. Try washing it off.”
She stuck her tongue out.
“Maybe after you’re clean,” he said.
Her eyes widened. She stared at him for a long moment. A little crazy spark lit up in her dark irises.
She raised her finger, licked it, and rubbed some dirt off her forehead.
Now what?
The girl showed him her stained finger and reached toward him slowly, aiming for his face.
“No,” William said. “Bad hobo.”
― Ilona Andrews, Bayou Moon

“Charles preferred his deer to taste like meat and his pancakes to look like pancakes. Brother Wolf thought he was too picky. Brother Wolf was probably right.”
― Patricia Briggs, Fair Game

“My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“you were already more beautiful than anything I dared to dream. In our years apart, my imaginings did their best to improve on you perfection. At night, your face was forever behind my eyes. And now I see that that vision who kept me company in my loneliness was a hag compared to the beauty now before me.” –Westley

Enough about my beauty.” Buttercup said. “Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I’ve got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“You should name him Fezzik."
"Inconceivable.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I've got no tolerance for a man who hurts women. Every man on this planet owes his life to a woman. I hope they catch the bastard and hang him by his nuts.”
― Pamela Clare, Skin Deep

“He held up the AK-47, the muscles in his arm bunching against the weight. “This is an assault rifle.” Then held up the handgun. “This is a semi-automatic pistol.”
Then he gave a little thrust of his hips and looked down at his penis. “That is my gun. As you’ve discovered, it’s pumpaction like a shotgun , but it doesn’t fire bullets.”
― Pamela Clare, Breaking Point

“Awakened by the oppressive midday heat, Zach opened his eyes to see a small blue and tan lizard doing what looked like push-ups about a foot away from his face.”
― Pamela Clare, Breaking Point

“Fine!" he relented, giving her a dirty look. "But only if you stay in front."
She rolled her eyes. "My, what chivalry."
"To hell with chivalry. Your idea, you die first.”
― Gina Damico, Scorch

“Driggs whispered to Lex out of the side of his mouth as they walked, "I never got grounded before you came here."
"You never touched a boob before I came here either."
"Touché." He flashed a goofy grin as Uncle Mort shoved him into his room and slammed the door. "Worth it!”
― Gina Damico, Scorch

“He quietly groaned. Again and again, he’d witnessed this phenomenon with his friends. They got married. They were happy in that sated, grateful way of infrequently pleasured men with a now-steady source of coitus. Then they went about crowing as if they’d invented the institution of matrimony and stood to earn a profit for every bachelor they could convert.”
― Tessa Dare, A Week to be Wicked

“The forecast was cloudy with extended periods of consciousness, followed by a stitch in my side and a sense of impending doom swelling to a symphony of demolition”
― Edward Morris, Blood of Eden

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ