Quotes - Katy Reese (Scottsdale, AZ) Showing 1-30 of 44

#1

“Equations are the devil's sentences.”
― Stephen Colbert

181 likes

#2

“They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.”
― Stephen Colbert

tags: drinking

179 likes

#3

“If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.”
― Stephen Colbert

tags: christ, christian, christian-behavior, poor, religion, selfish

1237 likes

#4

“Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.”
― Stephen Colbert

tags: wikipedia

142 likes

#5

“The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.”
― Stephen Colbert

113 likes

#6

“In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.”
― Mark Twain

tags: politics

553 likes

#7

“We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”
― Thomas Jefferson

tags: politics

736 likes

#8

“You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?”
― Stephen Colbert

106 likes

#9

“I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.”
― Stephen Colbert

46 likes

#10

“it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.”
― Stephen Colbert

tags: school

68 likes

#11

“Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.”
― Stephen Colbert

25 likes

#12

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”
― Jon Stewart

tags: humor, religion

1286 likes

#13

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
― Jon Stewart

tags: absurd, humor, thanksgiving

629 likes

#14

“If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.”
― Jon Stewart

527 likes

#15

“We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music.”
― Jon Stewart

tags: black, blues, jewish

62 likes

#16

“Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.”
― Jon Stewart, Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race

89 likes

#17

“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
― Charles de Gaulle

tags: cheese, diversity, divisiveness, food, france, politics

505 likes

#18

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1393 likes

#19

“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: money

972 likes

#20

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: leadership

561 likes

#21

“The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.”
― Groucho Marx

245 likes

#22

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
― Groucho Marx

370 likes

#23

“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but 'That's funny...”
― Isaac Asimov

tags: attributed-no-source

1714 likes

#24

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

9401 likes

#25

“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: funny, simplicity

678 likes

#26

“Of course you know, this means war.”
― Joe Adamson, Bugs Bunny: Fifty Years and Only One Grey Hare

261 likes

#27

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women

28829 likes

#28

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

tags: humor, mankind, people

18561 likes

#29

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ

tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious

8920 likes

#30

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

tags: attributed-no-source, dreams, love, reality, sleep

127479 likes

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