2026 Reading Challenge

Mandy Rogers > Mandy's Quotes

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  • #1
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ
    tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious
    8920 likes

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  • #2
    Phyllis Diller
    “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
    ― Phyllis Diller
    tags: anger, funny, sleep
    8251 likes

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  • #3
    “If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.”
    ― H.N. Turteltaub, The Sacred Land
    tags: misattributed-cassandra-clare, misattributed-jace
    10652 likes

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  • #4
    Marilyn Monroe
    “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: dirty, funny, logo, sex
    6871 likes

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  • #5
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
    7635 likes

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  • #6
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: crime, funny, humour, neighborhoods
    3718 likes

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  • #7
    Yogi Berra
    “Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
    ― Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes
    tags: funny
    2999 likes

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  • #8
    Richelle Mead
    “Did you see that dress?” "I saw the dress.” "Did you like it?” He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.”
    ― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
    tags: funny, sweet
    2805 likes

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  • #9
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8864 likes

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  • #10
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: funny, humour, infidelity, parenthood, parenting, sexuality
    2192 likes

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  • #11
    John Green
    “It's not because I want to make out with her."
    Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny
    4074 likes

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  • #12
    John Green
    “They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    6221 likes

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  • #13
    Benjamin Franklin
    “A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
    ― Benjamin Franklin
    tags: funny, inspirational, money
    1613 likes

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  • #14
    George Carlin
    “That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
    ― George Carlin
    3744 likes

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  • #15
    Gena Showalter
    “What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.”
    ― Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth
    tags: funny, life
    2019 likes

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  • #16
    Richelle Mead
    “You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it."
    "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."
    And then he took me to the bed.”
    ― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
    tags: dimitri, funny, rose-hathaway, sweet
    1434 likes

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  • #17
    Richelle Mead
    “Hey Mason, wipe the drool off your face. If you're going to think about me naked, do it on your own time." [...]
    "This is my time, Hathaway. I'm leading today's session."
    "Oh yeah?" I retorted. "Huh. Well, I guess this is a good time to think about me naked, then."
    "It's always a good a time to think about you naked," added someone nearby, breaking the tension further.”
    ― Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
    tags: funny
    1263 likes

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  • #18
    Robert Benchley
    “Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
    ― Robert Benchley
    tags: bleeding, funny, humor, opera, stabbed
    1989 likes

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  • #19
    Mae West
    “Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: funny
    1096 likes

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  • #20
    James Patterson
    “Can I come in?
    No! I'm in a towel!
    I'm blind!”
    ― James Patterson
    tags: funny, iggy, max, maximum-ride
    1492 likes

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  • #21
    Lewis Carroll
    “Why it's simply impassible!
    Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
    Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!”
    ― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass
    tags: alice, alice-in-wonderland, door, funny, humor, wordplay
    1701 likes

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  • #23
    D.J. MacHale
    “Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.”
    ― D.J. MacHale
    tags: funny
    495 likes

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  • #24
    Jarod Kintz
    “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
    1000 likes

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  • #25
    Rachel Vincent
    “The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.”
    ― Rachel Vincent, Stray
    tags: funny
    567 likes

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  • #26
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: first, funny, skydiving
    901 likes

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  • #28
    John Green
    “She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny
    786 likes

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  • #29
    Lawrence Ferlinghetti
    “If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
    ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti
    tags: beatnik, cynical, funny, humour
    2882 likes

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  • #30
    Dave Barry
    “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
    ― Dave Barry
    tags: funny, humour, jokes
    545 likes

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  • #31
    Charlaine Harris
    “Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.”
    ― Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
    tags: funny, sookie-eric
    321 likes

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  • #32
    Jarod Kintz
    “I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, I Want
    1559 likes



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Tags From Mandy’s Quotes

automobile
car
funny
humor
religious
anger
sleep
misattributed-cassandra-clare
misattributed-jace
dirty
logo
sex
classic-insult
funeral
crime
humour
neighborhoods
sweet
humanity
infidelity
parenthood
parenting
sexuality
inspirational
money
life
dimitri
rose-hathaway
bleeding
opera
stabbed
iggy
max
maximum-ride
alice
alice-in-wonderland
door
wordplay
first
skydiving
beatnik
cynical
jokes
sookie-eric