Teresa > Teresa's Quotes

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#1

“Mad Matter: "Have I gone mad?"
Alice: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
― Tim Burton, Alice in Wonderland: Based on the Motion Picture Directed by Tim Burton

tags: alice-s-adventures-in-wonderland, lewis-caroll, mad-hatter, movie-quote

294 likes

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#2

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148397 likes

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#3

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

tags: aliteracy, books, classic, humor

51606 likes

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#4

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women

28791 likes

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#5

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins

24394 likes

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#6

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life

21174 likes

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#7

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
― Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor, simile

13155 likes

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#8

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

tags: humor

10161 likes

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#9

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9106 likes

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#10

“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston S. Churchill

tags: humor, taste

5972 likes

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#11

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

tags: humor, idleness, inspirational

5363 likes

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#12

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

tags: humor, talking, writers

4820 likes

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#13

“Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.”
― James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

tags: humor

4495 likes

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#14

“Don't Panic.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

tags: h2g2, hitchhiker-s-guide, humor, panic

4704 likes

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#15

“I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”
― Arthur C. Clarke

tags: extraterrestrials, humor, intelligent-life, life, science, universe

4056 likes

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#16

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
― George Carlin

tags: humor

3903 likes

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#17

“Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.”
― Tamora Pierce, Melting Stones

tags: humor, obedience

3545 likes

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#18

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
― George Carlin

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, stupidity

3538 likes

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#19

“Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.”
― Robert Frost

tags: humor, poetry, religion

3238 likes

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#20

“No sight so sad as that of a naughty child," he began, "especially a naughty little girl. Do you know where the wicked go after death?"

"They go to hell," was my ready and orthodox answer.

"And what is hell? Can you tell me that?"

"A pit full of fire."

"And should you like to fall into that pit, and to be burning there for ever?"

"No, sir."

"What must you do to avoid it?"

I deliberated a moment: my answer, when it did come was objectionable: "I must keep in good health and not die.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

tags: children, hell, humor, religion

2943 likes

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#21

“God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

tags: einstein, gaiman, god, humor

2657 likes

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#22

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

tags: humor

2436 likes

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#23

“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
― Lemony Snicket

tags: humor

2536 likes

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#24

“Are you always a smartass?'

Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.”
― Jim Butcher, Blood Rites

tags: humor, impudence, sarcasm, smartass

2105 likes

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#25

“Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

tags: humor, wisdom

1857 likes

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#26

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?”
― Terry Pratchett, Mort

tags: discworld, humor, humour, teaching

1733 likes

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#27

“Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.'

I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!”
― Lewis Carroll

tags: beliefs, breakfast, humor, impossible

1575 likes

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#28

“You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.

- Breeze”
― Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn: The Final Empire

tags: humor, remaining-silent, reticence

1485 likes

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#29

“I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.”
― Paul McCartney

tags: beatles, humor, music, nonjudgemental

988 likes

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#30

“Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

tags: parents

485 likes

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alice-s-adventures-in-wonderland
lewis-caroll
mad-hatter
movie-quote
attributed-no-source
human-nature
humor
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
aliteracy
books
classic
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women
exercise
laziness
misattributed-to-hutchins
calvin-and-hobbes
life
fate
simile
politics
taste
idleness
inspirational
talking
writers
h2g2
hitchhiker-s-guide
panic
extraterrestrials
intelligent-life
obedience
misattributed-george-carlin
poetry
religion
children
hell
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gaiman
god
impudence
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