Danielle > Danielle's Quotes

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

“I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

“Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Goodbyes, they often come in waves.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.