Big Books of 2026

Larry Stapleton > Larry's Quotes

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  • #1
    Dorothy Parker
    “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: beauty, classic-insult, humor, ugly
    3583 likes

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  • #2
    Dorothy Parker
    “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: god, humor, money
    3320 likes

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  • #3
    Dorothy Parker
    “Résumé
    Razors pain you,
    Rivers are damp,
    Acids stain you,
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren't lawful,
    Nooses give,
    Gas smells awful.
    You might as well live.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope
    tags: dark-humor, humor, suicide
    2226 likes

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  • #4
    Dorothy Parker
    “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    1982 likes

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  • #5
    Dorothy Parker
    “By the time you swear you're his,
    Shivering and sighing.
    And he vows his passion is,
    Infinite, undying.
    Lady make note of this --
    One of you is lying.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: courtship, cynicism, love, lying, passion
    1954 likes

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  • #6
    Dorothy Parker
    “Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: dorothy-parker, heterosexuality, homosexuality, humor, wit
    1629 likes

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  • #7
    Dorothy Parker
    “Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: disapproval, humor, wordplay
    1424 likes

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  • #8
    Dorothy Parker
    “I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor
    1263 likes

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  • #9
    Dorothy Parker
    “I hate writing, I love having written.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: writing, writing-process
    1542 likes

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  • #10
    Dorothy Parker
    “I like to have a martini,
    Two at the very most.
    After three I'm under the table,
    after four I'm under my host.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
    tags: drinking, drunken-behaviour, humor
    1310 likes

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  • #11
    Dorothy Parker
    “Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: wordplay
    1258 likes

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  • #12
    Dorothy Parker
    “Inventory:

    "Four be the things I am wiser to know:
    Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
    Four be the things I'd been better without:
    Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
    Three be the things I shall never attain:
    Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
    Three be the things I shall have till I die:
    Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
    tags: champagne, contentment, curiosity, doubt, envy, foes, friends, hope, idleness, inventory, knowledge, laughter, life, love, sorrow, sufficienty, superfluity, unattainable, values, wisdom
    1173 likes

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  • #13
    Dorothy Parker
    “What fresh hell is this?”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker
    1034 likes

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  • #14
    Dorothy Parker
    “They sicken of the calm who know the storm.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Sunset Gun: Poems
    tags: calm, excitement, storm, women
    888 likes

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  • #15
    Dorothy Parker
    “That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: epitaph, humor, the-new-yorker
    850 likes

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  • #16
    Dorothy Parker
    “If I didn't care for fun and such,
    I'd probably amount to much.
    But I shall stay the way I am,
    Because I do not give a damn.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope
    tags: apathy, fame, pleasure
    815 likes

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  • #17
    Dorothy Parker
    “You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, You Might As Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker
    tags: horticulture, puns
    817 likes

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  • #18
    Dorothy Parker
    “That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns
    625 likes

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  • #19
    Dorothy Parker
    “I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor, men, romance
    632 likes

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  • #20
    Dorothy Parker
    “She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    604 likes

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  • #21
    Dorothy Parker
    “Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    586 likes

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  • #22
    Dorothy Parker
    “If wild my breast and sore my pride,
    I bask in dreams of suicide,
    If cool my heart and high my head
    I think 'How lucky are the dead.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
    tags: suicide
    606 likes

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  • #23
    If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor
    “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: achievement, authors, elements-of-style, favors, grammar, happiness, writing, writing-process
    529 likes

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  • #24
    Dorothy Parker
    “Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    441 likes



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Tags From Larry’s Quotes

beauty
classic-insult
humor
ugly
god
money
dark-humor
suicide
courtship
cynicism
love
lying
passion
dorothy-parker
heterosexuality
homosexuality
wit
disapproval
wordplay
writing
writing-process
drinking
drunken-behaviour
champagne
contentment
curiosity
doubt
envy
foes
friends
hope
idleness
inventory
knowledge
laughter
life
sorrow
sufficienty
superfluity
unattainable
values
wisdom
calm
excitement
storm
women
epitaph
the-new-yorker
apathy
fame
pleasure
horticulture
puns
men
romance
achievement
authors
elements-of-style
favors
grammar
happiness