Astrid > Astrid's Quotes

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#1

“Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

tags: boggs, finnick, funny, humour, hunger-games, katniss, mockingjay, odair, suzanne-collins, witty

9275 likes

#2

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
― Cathy Guiswite

tags: eyes, funny, lemons

5193 likes

#3

“I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me."
"It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

tags: funny, humor

3153 likes

#4

“I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.
"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."
Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.
His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"
Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”
― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

tags: funny, humor, prank

3098 likes

#5

“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"
"I'm always a girl" I frown.
"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"
I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

tags: christina, divergent, funny, humor, tris, veronica-roth

2418 likes

#6

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
All the time.”
― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

tags: flotsam, funny, humor, jeremy-fink, jetsam, keys, lizzy, wendy-mass, what-i-always-think

2111 likes

#7

“aren't you, uh... reproducing?

"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: city-of-bones, funny

1717 likes

#8

“Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: bride, funny, humor, movie, princess

1928 likes

#9

“Can I come in?
No! I'm in a towel!
I'm blind!”
― James Patterson

tags: funny, iggy, max, maximum-ride

1492 likes

#10

“You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

1657 likes

#11

“I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, funny, humor, lambada, magnus-bane, mark-of-cain, simon-lewis, the-mortal-instruments

1441 likes

#12

“Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.”
― Pseudonymous Bosch, The Name of This Book Is Secret

tags: anime, emotions, funny, humor, manga, provoke, troublesome

1298 likes

#13

“I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

tags: fire, funny, humor, powers, the-lost-hero

1265 likes

#14

“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”
― Bill Watterson

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, comic, education, funny, school

1202 likes

#15

“That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: family, forbidden-love, funny

989 likes

#16

“Sane is boring.”
― R. A. Salvatore

tags: boring, crazy, forgotten-realms, funny, humor, jarlaxle, salvatore, sane, servant-of-the-shard

927 likes

#17

“Take off your shirt."
Jace raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning."
"Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, clary-fray, funny, humor, jace-lightwood, jace-wayland, naked-chest, shirt, swooning, the-mortal-instruments

825 likes

#18

“I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: funny, humor, marriage

819 likes

#19

“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?”
― Stephanie Lennox, I Don't Remember You

2685 likes

#20

“Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon."
Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian

tags: cocky, daemon, funny

510 likes

#21

“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
― Jon Stewart

tags: canada, funny

701 likes

#22

“And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

tags: city-of-fallen-angels, crazy, eric, funny, humor, love, teen, teenage-love

538 likes

#23

“Maxon: “To be clear, no one agrees with you.”

America: “To be clear, I don’t care.”
― Kiera Cass, The One

tags: badass, funny, girl-power, hunor

692 likes

#24

“Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

tags: albus-dumbledore, dumbledore, funny, the-philosopher-s-stone

499 likes

#25

“Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals.”
― Jess C Scott, Tongue-Tied

tags: bisexuality, body, desire, funny, gender, gender-bending, gender-equality, honesty, individuality, lgbt, love, philosophy, relationships, sexuality

592 likes

#26

“I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

tags: funny

514 likes

#27

“Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me."
"Say 'please.'"
"Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?"
"Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice.
"All right- PLEASE."
"NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!" And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

450 likes

#28

“You're insane!" she shouted.
"Pretty cool, huh?"
"No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken?"
Shay shrugged. "More fun that way?"
"More fun?" Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy.
"Well, kind of. But you suck!”
― Scott Westerfeld, Uglies

tags: anger, coaster, funny, insane, joy, relief, roller, shay, tally

430 likes

#29

“Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.
No!
If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers.”
― Moira Young, Blood Red Road

tags: blood-red-road, funny, humor, moira-young, rule

418 likes

#30

“Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon."
"You noticed," said Simon.
"I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus.
"Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: alec-lightwood, bisexual, cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, funny, gay, humor, isabelle-lightwood, magnus-bane, mortal-instruments, simon-lewis

466 likes

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