Brando > Brando's Quotes

“1If it frightens you, do it.   2Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.   3Put yourself first.   4No matter what happens, you will handle it.   5Whatever you do, do it 100%.   6If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.   7You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.   8Ask for what you want.   9If what you are doing isn't working, try something different. 10Be clear and direct. 11Learn to say "no." 12Don't make excuses. 13If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules. 14Let people help you. 15Be honest with yourself. 16Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever. 17Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change. 18Don't tolerate the intolerable — ever. 19Stop blaming. Victims never succeed. 20Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it. 21Accept the consequences of your actions. 22Be good to yourself. 23Think "abundance." 24Face difficult situations and conflict head on. 25Don't do anything in secret. 26Do it now. 27Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want. 28Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong. 29Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences. 30Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen. It”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“There are no perfect relationships. There are no perfect partners. Relationships by their very nature are chaotic, eventful, and challenging.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone's approval or to avoid disapproval.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“An integrated male possesses many of the following attributes: •He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is. •He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met. •He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality. •He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient. •He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about. •He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings. •He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving. •He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“In reality, the primary paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is nothing more than a big covert contract with life. Breaking”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“By trying to please everyone, Nice Guys often end up pleasing no one — including themselves. Seeking”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Surrendering Helps Nice Guys Reclaim Their Personal Power Ironically, the most important aspect of reclaiming personal power and getting what one wants in love and life is surrender. Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means letting go of what one can't change and changing what one can. Letting go doesn't mean not caring or not trying. Letting go means letting be. It is like opening up a tightly clenched fist and releasing the tension stored inside. At first the fingers will want to return to their former clenched position. The hand almost has to be retrained to open up and relax. So it is with learning how to surrender and let go.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“He came to realize that he would be OK regardless of whether he and Barb made it as a couple. Much to his surprise, their relationship began to improve. As he let go of trying to solve her problems and detached from her moods, Gil found that he had fewer frustrations and resentments. He even began to see Barb as a "gift" to help him work through his issues with his angry father. A year later he announced to his men's group that he and Barb had set a date to get married. He reported that they were getting along better than he would have ever imagined. He shared that the turning point seemed to be when he made the decision that he didn't care whether they made it together or not. That decision represented a conscious letting go of trying to control something that was clearly not in his control. Ironically, he shared that the process of letting go allowed him to receive what he really wanted.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Relationships are messy and there is no way to eliminate the bumps and potholes, but we don't have to make them any more difficult than they already are.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“I define personal power as a state of mind in which a person is confident he can handle whatever may come. This kind of power not only successfully deals with problems, challenges and adversity, it actually welcomes them, meets them head on, and is thankful for them. Personal power isn't the absence of fear. Even the most powerful people have fear. Personal power is the result of feeling fear, but not giving in to the fear.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Surrender allows recovering Nice Guys to see each life experience as a "gift" from the universe to stimulate growth, healing and learning. Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" the recovering Nice Guy can respond to life's challenges by pondering, "What do I need to learn from this situation?”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“List one fear that has been controlling your life. Once you decide to confront the fear, begin repeating to yourself, "I can handle it. No matter what happens, I will handle it." Keep repeating this mantra until you take action and stop feeling fear.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Fathers need to take their sons hunting and fishing, work on cars with them, take them to work, coach their teams, take them to ball games, work out with them, take them on business trips, and let them tag along with them when they go out with the guys. All of these activities help boys move successfully into the male world. This process is not just limited to a man's biological sons. Nice Guys can get involved with young relatives, scouts, sports teams, school activities, or big brothers.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Good sex consists of two people taking full responsibility for meeting their own needs. It has no goal. It is free of agendas and expectations. Rather than being a performance, it is an unfolding of sexual energy. It is about two people revealing themselves in the most intimate and vulnerable of ways. Good sex occurs when two people focus on their own pleasure, passion, and arousal, and stay connected to those same things in their partner. All of these dynamics allow good sex to unfold in unpredictable, spontaneous, and memorable ways.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“When recovering Nice Guys decide they will no longer settle for anything less than good sex, they begin to take responsibility for doing something different. •​They let go of the concept of being a great lover. •​They practice being clear and direct. •​They choose available partners. •​They don't settle for scraps. •​They decide that bad sex is not better than no sex!”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“In many ways, humans aren't much different from pets. People often behave the way they have been trained to behave. For example, if a person gives his dog a treat when he pisses on the carpet, the dog will keep pissing on the carpet. The same is true for humans. If the Nice Guy reinforces his partner's undesirable behaviors, she will keep behaving in undesirable ways.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“covert contracts and caretaking only lead to frustration and resentment.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“•​IF I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be •​THEN I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Breaking Free Activity #15 It can be difficult to make a direct link between your caretaking behavior and the emotional pukes which inevitably follow. Observe the ways you hurt the people you love. •Do you make cutting remarks or hurtful "jokes"? •Do you embarrass them in public? •Are you frequently late? •Do you "forget" things they've asked you to do? •Do you criticize them? •Do you withdraw from them or threaten to leave? •Do you let frustration build until you blow up at them? Ask the significant others in your life to give you feedback about your caretaking and emotional pukes. This information may be hard to hear and may trigger a shame attack, but it is important information for breaking out of the victim triangle.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“One client, who hadn't had sex with his wife in 14 months, shared in a Nice Guy group that he was tired of listening to his wife complain about her work problems. That night, for the first time in 15 years of marriage, he told his wife that he was too tired to listen. Even though she was initially angry, later that night she asked him if he wanted to make love.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“A Force Of Nature The very thing that makes sex so exciting is exactly what makes it so terrifying. Sex is powerful, chaotic, and wild. It crackles with cosmic energy. It draws us like a moth to a flame. As recovering Nice Guys release their sexual shame and fear, take responsibility for their own pleasure, refuse to settle for bad sex, and practice being just who they are, they put themselves in the position to embrace this cosmic force without fear or reservation. This is when the sex really gets good.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“As long as a Nice Guy is willing to settle for bad sex, he limits his opportunities to experience good sex. I regularly tell Nice Guys, "You have to be willing to let go of what you've got to get what you want." Good sex can occur only when a recovering”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“As long as a Nice Guy is willing to settle for bad sex, he limits his opportunities to experience good sex. I regularly tell Nice Guys, "You have to be willing to let go of what you've got to get what you want." Good sex can occur only when a recovering Nice Guy decides to stop settling for bad sex!”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“As a result of this dependency, every child's greatest fear is abandonment. To children, abandonment means death. Second,”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man. As recovering Nice Guys chart their own”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“all Nice Guys developed the same paradigm: "If I am good, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Most Nice Guys will really like the last benefit on the list. Helpless, whiny, wimpy, and needy are not attractive on a man. Confidence and self-assurance are. Most folks are attracted to men who have a sense of self. Putting the self first doesn't drive people away, it attracts them. Putting the self first is essential for getting what one wants in love and life. Taking”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“The following are a few of the ways Nice Guys unconsciously maintain a monogamous bond to their mothers. Look over the list. Note any of the behavior patterns that may serve to keep you monogamous to your mother. Share this information with a safe person. •​Over-involvement with work or hobbies. •​Creating relationships with people who need fixing. •​Addictions to drugs or alcohol. •​Sexual addictions to pornography, masturbation, fantasy, chat lines, or hookers. •​Affairs. •​Sexual dysfunction — lack of desire, inability to get or maintain an erection, or premature ejaculation. •​Forming relationships with women who are angry, sick, depressive, compulsive, addicted, unfaithful, or otherwise unavailable. •​Avoiding intercourse or taking vows of celibacy.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Breaking Free Activity #34 Are there any areas in your personal relationships in which you avoid setting appropriate boundaries? Do you: •​Tolerate intolerable behavior. •​Avoid dealing with a situation because it might cause conflict. •​Not ask for what you want. •​Sacrifice yourself to keep the peace. If you applied the Second Date rule or the Healthy Male rule to these situations, how might you change your behavior?”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Until we define happiness for ourselves, clearly seeing the difference between excitement and joy, for example, our habits will likely not change. We will keep returning to the fruits of our desires.”
― Judson Brewer, The Craving Mind: From Cigarettes to Smartphones to Love – Why We Get Hooked and How We Can Break Bad Habits