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#1

“A witty saying proves nothing.”
― Voltaire

tags: proof, sayings, wit

54 likes

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#2

“There are three types of lies -- lies, damn lies, and statistics.”
― Benjamin Disraeli

tags: attributed-no-source, lies, lying, misattributed-mark-twain, statistics, truth

4010 likes

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#3

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: attributed-no-source, be-yourself, gilbert-perreira, honesty, inspirational, misattributed-oscar-wilde, quote-investigator

176994 likes

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#4

“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”
― George Carlin

tags: cynicism, disillusionment, idealism

1654 likes

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#5

“Life—the way it really is—is a battle not between good and bad, but between bad and worse”
― Joseph Brodsky

tags: cynicism, human, life, philosophy, wisdom

416 likes

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#6

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?

tags: crazy, men, stupid, truth, women

7638 likes

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#7

“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!”
― George Carlin

tags: atheism, humor, life, religion

6679 likes

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#8

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin

tags: benediction, evil, goodwill, humor, inspirational, wishes

3519 likes

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#9

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
― George Carlin

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, stupidity

3541 likes

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#10

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
― George Carlin

tags: dreams, humor

2239 likes

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#11

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
― Douglas Adams

tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit

11375 likes

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#12

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
― Sid Ziff

tags: bad-reviews, book, humorist, misattributed-dorothy-parker, wit

1614 likes

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#13

“Brevity is the soul of wit.”
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

tags: brevity, wit

1428 likes

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#14

“Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.”
― Joss Whedon

tags: food, humor, survival, wit

885 likes

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#15

“The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.”
― William Shakespeare, King Henry VI, Part 2

tags: anarchy, classic, murder, wit

1012 likes

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#16

“The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: manners, wit

696 likes

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#17

“Now what happens?" asked the man in black.
"We face each other as God intended," Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone."
"You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: fight, fistfight, humor, wit

506 likes

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#18

“Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: life

2132 likes

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#19

“Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: bride, funny, humor, movie, princess

1928 likes

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#20

“My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: retribution, revenge

1728 likes

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#21

“True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: cough-drops, love, true-love

1076 likes

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#22

“You seem a decent fellow," Inigo said. "I hate to kill you."
You seem a decent fellow," answered the man in black. "I hate to die.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

841 likes

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#23

“Why do you wear a mask and hood?"
I think everybody will in the near future," was the man in black's reply. "They're terribly comfortable.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

491 likes

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#24

“Have fun storming the castle!”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

356 likes

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#25

“Fool!" cried the hunchback. "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

347 likes

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#26

“I could give you my word as a Spaniard," Inigo said.
"No good," the man in black replied. "I've known too many Spaniards.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

276 likes

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#27

“You are trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen, and I think it quite ungentlemanly.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: gentleman, kidnap, steal, the-princess-bride

318 likes

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#28

“I must be overtired', Buttercup managed. 'The excitement and all.'
'Rest then', her mother cautioned. 'Terrible things can happen when you're overtired. I was overtired the night your father proposed.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: buttercup, irony, repartee, the-princess-bride, tired, tiredness, william-goldman

204 likes

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#29

“See?" Fezzik pointed then. Far down, at the very bottom of the mountain path, the man in black could be seen running. "Inigo is beaten."
Inconceivable!" exploded the Sicilian.
Fezzik never dared disagree with the hunchback. "I'm so stupid," Fezzik nodded. "Inigo has not lost to the man in black, he has defeated him. And to prove it he has put on all the man in black's clothes and masks and hoods and boots and gained eighty pounds.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

129 likes

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#30

“Inconceivable!”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: humor

85 likes

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