Hailey Bishop > Hailey's Quotes

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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #2
    Albert Einstein
    “Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #3
    Yogi Berra
    “Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
    Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes

  • #4
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    Mark Twain

  • #5
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    George Carlin

  • #6
    Golda Meir
    “Don't be so humble - you are not that great.”
    Golda Meir

  • #7
    Bill Cosby
    “A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”
    Bill Cosby

  • #8
    John Green
    “It's not because I want to make out with her."
    Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit”
    John Green, Looking for Alaska

  • #9
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
    Rodney Dangerfield

  • #10
    George Carlin
    “That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
    George Carlin

  • #12
    Gena Showalter
    “I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist”
    Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness

  • #13
    Jon   Stewart
    “I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #14
    Rick Riordan
    “She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.”
    Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

  • #15
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
    Steven Wright

  • #16
    Orson Scott Card
    “Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
    Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
    Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
    Orson Scott Card

  • #17
    Rachel Vincent
    “The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.”
    Rachel Vincent, Stray

  • #18
    Jarod Kintz
    “If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).”
    Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

  • #19
    Rachel Caine
    “But that quickly faded, and he frowned. "You're bleeding," he said. "What happened?"
    Claire sighed and held up her wrist to show him the bandage. "Man, you would be so embarrassed if I said it was something else." Michael looked blank. "I'm a girl, Michael, it could have been all natural, you know. Tampons?”
    Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley

  • #20
    Jarod Kintz
    “The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
”
    Jarod Kintz, $3.33

  • #21
    Rick Riordan
    “Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
    The horse whinnied angrily.
    "I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #22
    Groucho Marx
    “A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #23
    Jarod Kintz
    “I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry.”
    Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

  • #24
    “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
    Lily Tomlin

  • #25
    Jarod Kintz
    “I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
    Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

  • #26
    Jarod Kintz
    “It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.”
    Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

  • #27
    Jarod Kintz
    “If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.”
    Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

  • #28
    Jarod Kintz
    “I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.”
    Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

  • #29
    William Goldman
    “I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
    Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
    "I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
    "I am your loyal servant and I just did."
    "Refusal means death."
    "Kill me then.”
    William Goldman, The Princess Bride

  • #32
    George Carlin
    “How is it possible to have a civil war?”
    George Carlin

  • #33
    Charlaine Harris
    “Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.”
    Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World



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