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#1

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: attributed-no-source, be-yourself, gilbert-perreira, honesty, inspirational, misattributed-oscar-wilde, quote-investigator

177072 likes

#2

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148396 likes

#3

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

tags: attributed-no-source, best, life, love, misattributed-marilyn-monroe, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst

165219 likes

#4

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

9412 likes

#5

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

tags: funny

6897 likes

#6

“Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”
― Mae West

tags: funny

1096 likes

#7

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
― George Carlin

tags: euphemism, funny, humor, terminology, war

803 likes

#8

“I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: funny, humor, marriage

819 likes

#9

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

tags: coach-hedge, funny, humor

844 likes

#10

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: funny, innuendo

720 likes

#11

“The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord."
Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.”
― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

tags: funny, gender-stereotypes, men-and-women

784 likes

#12

“Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much."
"Dick. That's not what you said last night."
"Bite me.”
― Rachel Caine, Glass Houses

tags: funny, gay, morganville-vampires

667 likes

#13

“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

tags: funny, funny-but-true, hell, humor, introversion, introvert, introverts, parties, party, partying, people, saints, social, socializing

705 likes

#14

“A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.”
― George Bernard Shaw

tags: funny, humor, optimism, pessimism

713 likes

#15

“What's a dementor?"
I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister."
"So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says.”
― Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda

tags: funny, harry-potter-reference

614 likes

#16

“She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.”
― Gayle Forman, If I Stay

tags: bitch, funny, if-i-stay

583 likes

#17

“Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?”
― Becca Fitzpatrick, Crescendo

tags: anger, cheerios, funny, vee-sky

575 likes

#18

“I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are. ”
― William Faulkner

tags: funny, harsh, ironic

584 likes

#19

“And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

tags: city-of-fallen-angels, crazy, eric, funny, humor, love, teen, teenage-love

539 likes

#20

“Ronan's bedroom door burst open. Hanging on the door frame, Ronan leaned out to peer past Gansey. He was doing that thing where he looked like both the dangerous Ronan he was now and the cheerier Ronan he had been when Gansey first met him.

"Hold on," Gansey told Adam. Then, to Ronan: "Why would he be?"

"No reason. Just no reason." Ronan slammed his door.

Gansey asked Adam, "Sorry. You still have that suit for the party?"

Adam's response was buried in the sound of the second-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"

Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!”
― Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves

tags: dead, funny, gansey, noah, ronan

575 likes

#21

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
― Dave Barry

tags: funny, humour, jokes

544 likes

#22

“Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals.”
― Jess C Scott, Tongue-Tied

tags: bisexuality, body, desire, funny, gender, gender-bending, gender-equality, honesty, individuality, lgbt, love, philosophy, relationships, sexuality

592 likes

#23

“Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon."
Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Obsidian

tags: cocky, daemon, funny

512 likes

#24

“You're insane!" she shouted.
"Pretty cool, huh?"
"No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken?"
Shay shrugged. "More fun that way?"
"More fun?" Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy.
"Well, kind of. But you suck!”
― Scott Westerfeld, Uglies

tags: anger, coaster, funny, insane, joy, relief, roller, shay, tally

430 likes

#25

“I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you…..I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?”
― Shannon L. Alder

tags: adversity, anger, battles, boyfriends, breakups, choices, confusion, crazy-love, crush, dating, disease, divorce, exboyfriends, exgirlfriends, exspouse, feelings, funny, hatred, humor, in-love, insane, insane-love, insanity, lack-of-communication, life, mad-love, marriage, mixed-signals, obsessive-love, partners, relationships, romance, spouse, struggles, stupid-men, stupid-women, unfinished-business, unrequited-love

650 likes

#26

“I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."

Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--"

"Shut up." I shook my head and started walking.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal

tags: daemon, funny, katy

518 likes

#27

“So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?"

"What?"

"All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time?"

"You think Warner is sexy?"

"That is not what I said.”
― Tahereh Mafi, Ignite Me

tags: funny, ignite-me, juliette-ferrars, kenji-kishimoto

756 likes

#28

“Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
"Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes."
She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"
"They just are."
"In what way?"
"In a magicky way."
She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"
"Not really.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: conversation, derek-landy, funny, humor, magic, skulduggery-pleasant, stairs, valkyrie

468 likes

#29

“Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon."
"You noticed," said Simon.
"I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus.
"Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: alec-lightwood, bisexual, cassandra-clare, city-of-lost-souls, funny, gay, humor, isabelle-lightwood, magnus-bane, mortal-instruments, simon-lewis

465 likes

#30

“Sam came around the side of the car and stopped dead when he saw me. “Oh my God, what is THAT?” I used my thumb and middle finger to flick the multicolored pom-pom on top of my head. “In my language, we call it a HAT. It keeps my ears warm.” “Oh my God,” Sam said again, and closed the distance between us. He cupped my face in his hands and studied me. “It’s horribly cute.” He kissed me, looked at the hat, and then he kissed me again. I vowed never to lose the pom-pom hat.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, Shiver

tags: cute, funny, love, shiver-maggie-stiefvater-space

422 likes

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