Mansur Ischanov > Mansur's Quotes

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

“Do you want a cookie?
- What?
- A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one?
- No.
- How can you not want a cookie?
- I just don't.
- Okay, fine,let's say you did want a cookie. Let's say you were dying for a cookie, and there were cookies in the cupboard. What would you do?
- I'd eat a cookie?
- Exactly. That's all I'm saying.
- What are you saying?
- That if people want cookies, they should get a cookie. It's what people do.
- Let me guess. Dad won't let you have a
cookie?
- No. Even though I'm practically starving to death, he won't even consider it. He says I have to have a sandwich first.
- And you don't think that's fair.
- You just said you'd get a cookie if you wanted one. So why can't I? I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions.
- Hmm. I can see why this bothers you so
much.
- It's not fair. If he wants a cookie, he can have one. If you want a cookie,
you can have one. But if I want a cookie, the rules don't count. Like you
said, it's not fair.
- So what are you going to do?
- I'm going to eat a sandwich. Because I have to. Because the world isn't fair
to ten-year-olds.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

“You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
― Lauren Myracle, ttfn

“A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
― Benjamin Franklin

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
― Robert Benchley

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
― Cathy Guiswite

“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin

“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”
― Bill Cosby

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
― Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes

“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
― Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! ”
― Hergé, The Shooting Star

“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”
― Bill Watterson

“If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.”
― Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

“If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
― Steven Wright

“I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?”
― Jess C. Scott, Wicked Lovely

“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
― Lily Tomlin

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
― Bill Watterson

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

“This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!”
― Gerard Way

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
― Dave Barry

“Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.”
― D.J. MacHale

“A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.”
― Lance Armstrong