Vanessa > Vanessa's Quotes

“I wonder if anybody else feels this way, if anyone in here is as scared as I am. Are they as sad and angry and confused and ashamed? Is that even possible? Is it even possible for one building to hold all that pain?”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“Maybe there's a galaxy with a planet that's just a little more tilted, with a sun that shines just a little bit darker, and that's where I'm supposed to be, where it somehow makes sense to feel this broken.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“Do you remember? Do you remember being solid? Do you remember life before the hole? Before you were empty and needed to be filled? There was a time when everything was enough. There was a time you didn't try to get out of your own skin. Remember?”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“Nothing made me the way I am. Nothing but me.”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“And that's when it hits me, the punch in the stomach, the carving out of my insides. That's when I realize that none of this is a movie. I will not go out with a bang. There is no ending. There are no credits. I will wake up and I will keep waking up and this will always be waiting for me.”
― Amy Reed, Beautiful

“If you are still, no one can hurt you. If you play dead, there is nothing to kill.”
― Amy Reed, Beautiful

“Before there was Cocaine or vodka or sex or any of that, there was fantasy. There was escape. That was my first addiction. I remember being a little kid and imagining everything different, myself different. How did I get the idea in my head at age eight that everything was better somewhere else? Why would a child have a hole inside that can't get full no matter what she does? The real world could never make me happy, so I retreated to the world inside my head. And as I grew, as the real world proved itself more and more painful, the fantasy world expanded.”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“I said just let me try one more time and she said, "THAT'S ENOUGH, ISABEL," again, and she could just say it over and over and it would never get through my thick skull because I'm always wanting and wanting because nothing is ever enough you are never enough I am never enough I am never enough I AM NEVER ENOUGH.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“It feels like the ground is breathing and the air has hands, like everything is moving except me, like I am the only thing solid, like it is the rest of the world that is dizzy.”
― Amy Reed, Beautiful

“What if I can't ever be who you want me to be? What if I keep letting you down?”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“Imagine everything feeling wrong. Imagine a hole in your chest the size of God.”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“Because that’s the thing about depression. When I feel it deeply, I don’t want to let it go. It becomes a comfort. I want to cloak myself under its heavy weight and breathe it into my lungs. I want to nurture it, grow it, cultivate it. It’s mine. I want to check out with it, drift asleep wrapped in its arms and not wake up for a long, long time.”
― Stephanie Perkins, Lola and the Boy Next Door

“The monsters were never
under my bed.
Because the monsters
were inside my head.


I fear no monsters,
for no monsters I see.
Because all this time
the monster has been me.”
― Nikita Gill

“What if talking about your feelings doesn't fix anything? What if what you really need is to make the feelings go away?”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“Imagine trying to live without air.
Now imagine something worse.”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“Even though I'm sleeping again, everything still feels a little rickety, like I'm here but not quite here, like I'm just a stand-in for my real self, like someone could just reach over and pinch me and I'd deflate. I thought I was feeling better, but I don't know anymore.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“Maybe this is all love is and all it will ever be-- boys fucking girls and pretending it's love, girls getting fucked and pretending they like it, saying "I love you, too," and wanting to throw up.”
― Amy Reed, Beautiful

“You act like you're invincible, but I know deep down you want someone to hold your hand and buy you flowers and look you in the eye and tell you you're his soul mate. You want someone who will love every piece of you, even the pieces you can't love yourself.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“Do you remember? Do you remember the world before the poison?”
― Amy Reed, Clean

“You never heard me tell you that I want everything, not just the perfect pieces, not just the sparkling, charming snapshots of you. You never let me tell you that I want every piece of you, even the broken ones, even the dark places where scary things hide.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“I don't know if anyone can ever really explain why they believe in someone. But I do. I believe in you. I hope that's worth something.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy

“Sometimes because, as hideous as this sounds to say, being loved is a necessary prerequisite for wanting to live but it is not sufficient on its own.”
― Anna Mehler Paperny, Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me: Depression in the First Person

“I’m tired of being only a ghost,” she said with something like desperation.”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“The world isn’t all towers of white marble, and it isn’t all gardens of perfectly trimmed grass,” said Pain softly. “Whether we want to look or not, we cannot escape from the world. We can retreat for awhile, but always it is there.”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“To change any of this, we need to live.”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“The Lady’s head ached. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to know anymore or fight anymore. She was so tired already. How did people live like this, with all the ugliness?”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“I’ve noticed a curious trend in your boneghosts, Mistress Charm. Desire cannot hold on to anything, Pain is pale, and Pride is blind. It cannot be a coincidence, surely?”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“They’re all falling away from me. I don’t want to be the Lady. I’m just learning how to be me. I don’t want to go back to the Lady, to being an empty nothing. I’m afraid.”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“She took the bird to her worktable and put a rubber tube into its beak. With the end of the tube in her mouth, she massaged its ribs with her finger as she puffed, very gently, into the tube. The little swallow kicked, and she held it gently between her hands.
“Just like resuscitating a person,” murmured Bern.
“Exactly like that,” agreed the Lady. “Most animals want to live. They struggle toward life regardless of their surroundings.” She deposited the bird in the cage, a sad smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Human beings are more difficult. At some point of trauma, most people just give up and die.”
Bern’s face changed, something like guilt shadowing his eyes. “Only if they’re let to, Mistress.”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard

“She couldn’t find anyone who was responsible except herself.”
― Sara A. Mueller, The Bone Orchard