The Humour Club discussion

Beer or Wine...which one is better and why?

I'll start by take up the side of Wine.

There is a sophisticated sounding job title for the person who pours your wine at a restaurant...sommelier http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sommelier

They even need a certificate. One of the nearby colleges offers courses http://www.sommelier.ca/

Not to sound too elitist, but, to pour beer does one need an education?

What about real ales, bitters and stouts? I'm an advocate for them but can't stand beers which to me taste chemical and horrible. Real ales etc are made more traditionally without chemicals (hence less chance of a hangover) and do require a bit of care when pouring otherwise you'll get a glass full of sediment.

Beer. Dark, with some sediment on the bottom - like my soul.

Bier her, Bier her, oder ich fall um, juchhe! Bier her, Bier her, oder ich fall um! Soll das Bier im Keller liegen Und ich hier die Ohnmacht kriegen? Bier her, Bier her, oder ich fall um!

And, for those of you Teutonically Disadvantaged:

Beer here, Beer here, or I will fall down, woohoo! Beer here, Beer here, or I will fall down! Should the beer lie in the cellar, And I'm here about to faint? Beer here, Beer here, or I will fall down!

Wine is made from grapes. Grapes are fruit. Fruit is healthy. Therefore, wine is healthy.

Beer is made from a wheat or hops or something like that...ie CARB. "Carbs" are the worst thing ever according to most nutrition gurus. They make you get diabetes and have to go on that Atkins diet where all you can eat is bacon!

Then again, if you are careful to exercise, get plenty of rest, and eat a healthy diet, someday you will be lying in a hospital bed dying of nothing. Except that the overindulger in wine is every bit as likely to succumb to cirrosis as the overindulger in beer.

In the following situation WINE is better.

Situation: The lid of your wine/beer is stuck. You only have your mouth available at the moment (we won't get into the whys...just go with it) to open drink.

Wine - use your teeth to grab the cork. Chew, twist, gnaw, and eventually you will be drinking wine.

Beer - use your teeth to grab the cap. Chew, twist, gnaw, and eventually end up in the hospital for mutiple stitches on your lips and the dentist for some new teeth.

I'll drop them both in a second for chocolate.

I bow to your unassailable logic, Sir Bookworm. Shall I pour the Claret? As for you, Rebecca, remember that Chocolate is The Answer; and the question is utterly immaterial.

Plus,I think that if you combine chocolate with red wine, you'll live forever.

Bookworm wrote: "In the following situation WINE is better.

Situation: The lid of your wine/beer is stuck. You only have your mouth available at the moment (we won't get into the whys...just go with it) to open dr..."

Must be honest I can't think of a single occasion where the 'lid' of my beer/ale/stout has gotten stuck...however I can think of many an occasion when the damn cork has gotten jammed or snapped off in the top of my wine bottle!!!

Sam, very true, often times corks do get jammed or broken in half. Luckily one can use a screw to either push it in, or pull it out. In this situation, screwing a wine bottle sounds enjoyable (at least to some). Correct?

Beer, on the other hand, if the cap is stuck one must break the neck in order to drink...correct?
Breaking a neck sounds very like you'll be spending some time in jail.

Wiki defines "cork taint" as a wine fault characterized by a set of undesirable smells or tastes found in a bottle of wine, especially spoilage that can only be detected after bottling, aging and opening.
I'd hate to spend hours opening a bottle of wine with a screw or my teeth only to find it's "corked."

I've never heard of "corked" beer. Therefore, beer is the clear winner.

Considering my daughter's favorite wine, um whine, "I wanna go shahahahping...", beer again gets the edge.

I avoid corked wine by sticking with the boxed wine. They usually come in a big box, much more appropriate for groups, or an all you can drink resort. I guess it would be the equivalent to a keg of beer?

Speaking of spoiling...

I would also argue in favour of wine for those romantic situations. Crackin' open a can of Coors Light for you wife (even if you put it in a nice glass) seems to spoil the mood.

I'm still debating...beer belly or wino.. hmm

Whichever you choose, remember the words of Lazarus Long, "Everything in excess. To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks."

Bookworm wrote: "screwing a wine bottle sounds enjoyable"

I've got to be honest Bookworm, that all sounds rather risque to me! ;-)

And breaking a neck sounds much more fun and far more therapeutic after a hard day in the office!

John wrote: "Whichever you choose, remember the words of Lazarus Long, "Everything in excess. To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.""

Hahahaha, that's brilliant John! I think I've found my new favourite saying!

Sam wrote: "Hahahaha, that's brilliant J..."

I can take no credit whatsoever, other than having the good sense to read everything that Robert Heinlein ever wrote. If ever there was a deity, it was he.

My favorite: "Starship Troopers"

I've got Starship Troopers on my (somewhat over-sized) to read pile and I will get to it eventually maybe even in this lifetime too ;-)

Shouldn't take more than 3-4 hours -- if you take your time.

John wrote: "Shouldn't take more than 3-4 hours -- if you take your time."

Right I'm bunking that up my to-read pile then!

Good good Sam, but what I really want to hear is what you will be drinking with Starship Troopers - wine or beer?

That could be the deciding argument in this debate...what goes better with Starship Troopers?

MEAD!

I don't like the taste of beer, so it's wine for me!

When will we be starting the white vs. red debate?

Melki wrote: "When will we be starting the white vs. red debate?"

Ah, another good point. Wine has some colour - I believe Martha Stewart has a paint colour named Wine.

Beer is brown. Like dirt on the bottom of my shoe. Martha does not have a paint colour named Beer, or Mead, or Ale, or Bitters.

MEAD!!!

Its golden.

How is it that Martha Stewart's decision to assign the name of a thing to a color has any impact on the cachet of that thing? Other people assign the names of things to colors -- why aren't their choices as authoritative as Martha's?

For example, a nice bottle of Amber Bock makes me think of an amber-colored dawn, which makes me think of a former girlfriend named Dawn. I remember waking up at the crack of Dawn on several occasions.

I know, kind of a long set-up on that gag, but still funny, I think.

:D

I change my answer, Black Mountain, its an orgy in your mouth. Beautiful stuff.

Beer! For the simple fact that wine hangovers are just too unbearable to even think about! And remember those mornings when you woke up regretting sending THAT text? That was the wines fault!!