Q&A with Christine Fonseca discussion

As many of you know, I also write parenting and self-help books.
This thread is for all things parenting related. Post questions, comments, anything you'd like

How about some advice? My almost 6 year old is ALWAYS yelling at me. Just me, no one else. He's good in school, good for others. But me, well, he's always yelling when he talks to me, tells me I'm mean. I have gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore. I feel like I can't handle it. I feel like I can't even be around him anymore. WHAT DO I DO????

Brooke (The Cover Contessa) wrote: "How about some advice? My almost 6 year old is ALWAYS yelling at me. Just me, no one else. He's good in school, good for others. But me, well, he's always yelling when he talks to me, tells me I'm ..."

My first question when I read this is what do you do when he yells and what do you do when he makes a request or response without yelling. In order for him to stop yelling, it has to stop working.

A fabulous parenting guru, Barbara Colorosotalks about the three cons kids use to get what they want. Guess what #2 is....

Christine wrote: "Brooke (The Cover Contessa) wrote: "How about some advice? My almost 6 year old is ALWAYS yelling at me. Just me, no one else. He's good in school, good for others. But me, well, he's always yellin..."

I try to just walk away, telling him I will not tolerate him yelling at me. But eventually he gets nuts and so do I. Today hubby and I decided if he yells at me, he goes to his room, or a time out place if we are not home. And that I do not talk to him until he calms down and speaks to me in a normal voice. He gets so angry at me so easily. I try not to react, it doesn't always work. Our relationship seems so volatile, and he's not even 6 yet!

Brooke (The Cover Contessa) wrote: "Christine wrote: "Brooke (The Cover Contessa) wrote: "How about some advice? My almost 6 year old is ALWAYS yelling at me. Just me, no one else. He's good in school, good for others. But me, well, ..."

I get it. One of my daughters is more my trigger, and the other triggers my husband. The key to stopping the behavior is 1) not allowing it to work any longer; 2) teaching a replacement behavior; 3)reinforcing the behavior you WANT to see while reducing any reinforcement of the behavior you don't want; 4) patience...lots and lots of patience.

Bad behavior, especially in a young child, is a teachable moment. A stressful, Grrr moment...but a teachable one.

It sounds like your plan is a good one. Be sure to positively reinforce him when he is communicating without yelling.

That's my problem too...my 5 year old is constantly yelling and back chatting us all the time, but I'm just as hot headed ... I'm calm all the time until I've had to tell him fifty million times to pack away or something then he just starts yelling at me, I guess I shouldn't yell but it's so stressful, especially when I have 2 year old that is just learning to understand and non-verbally communicate (you know because of his autism)...I just expect so much I think from my 5 year old I think LOL my brain is fried and I'm exhausted at the end of the day

Christine wrote: "Brooke (The Cover Contessa) wrote: "Christine wrote: "Brooke (The Cover Contessa) wrote: "How about some advice? My almost 6 year old is ALWAYS yelling at me. Just me, no one else. He's good in sch..."

Yeah, I am not patient at all. DH is much more patient. I need to work on that. Perhaps I need a book for myself! LOL! Learning patience, your next book????

Okay guys when you find that book I want one too. I have a very active four year old and he tries my patience constantly. My husband works in PNG most of the time so I feel like a single mum and I am with him all the time. I am hanging out till next year till he goes to Prep. He gets bored so easily, an only child so alot is frustration I know. :)

I think the best gift you can give a kid is learning how to entertain themselves. For my girls, that meant having a box of...well...anything. They used to for all sorts of crafts and such. And for me...well for me I suddenly had blocks of time and could actually breathe, do laundry, etc

Christine wrote: "I think the best gift you can give a kid is learning how to entertain themselves. For my girls, that meant having a box of...well...anything. They used to for all sorts of crafts and such. And for ..."

My oldest and little one can totally entertain themselves. My oldest could do it from a VERY early age, I mean months old. My little one just really learned this when he turned 2 (he's 3 now). My middle still doesn't know how to do this, thus all the stuff I wrote above!

Yes some kids are different I agree, my son is 4 and an only child whose father works away most of the time. He is more dependant on me as I am the only constant in his life and has never been one of those kids who can amuse themselves. I read from a very young age so I could spend hours tied up in a book. I read to him every night but he is too young to read himself. We recently bought a Wii and he loves mariokart so that gives me at least an hour of time to myself LOL!

Nereid wrote: "Yes some kids are different I agree, my son is 4 and an only child whose father works away most of the time. He is more dependant on me as I am the only constant in his life and has never been one ..."

Kids are all different...and I think it is great that you guys are figuring out what will work

Insanity is a good look, I wear it well LOL!