☀Ignite Your Creativity☀ discussion

Ok first off I'm sorry if the chapters are short I'm using my phone.

Character:

Name: Dakota Rae Skye
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Blonde
Pet (s): None
Job (s): None
Likes: Playing Piano, Singing, Candy, Swimming, Candy, Fireworks, Bright Colors, Music, Laughing, Making People Laugh.
Dislikes: Spiders, Haters, Rude People, Blood, Dentist, Manwhores, Show Offs.
Family: Jacob Skye--Father--Unknown
Personality: Dakota is a fun, hyper, and active girl. She loves making people laugh and is never shy. She is like a five year old inside an eighteen year old's body.
Background History: Dakota used to be your average everyday teen. But then her father started getting abusive. When she was 15 her father finally got tired of her and kicked her out. She was homeless for about two weeks until none other than Louis Tomlinson's sister Georgia finds her. She brings Dakota home with her and she ends up living with them. Ever since then the boys have been like family except one certain Bradford Bad Boy.
Appearance: Dakota has light hazel eyes with blonde yet brown hair. She has a creamy skin tone and faint peach pink lips.
Other: She has a tattoo on her wrists one side said 'No Lies' the other says 'Just Love'. She also has a tattoo on her hipbone that says 'It's Too Cold Outside For Angels To Fly'.

Chapter 1;

I woke up to the sound of yelling coming down the hall. I let out a groan and sat up in bed. I got and stood up on the cold hardwood floor. I ran a hand through my hair and walked over to my closet. I put on a plain blue v-neck, black skinny jeans, and my blue converse. I turned on my curling iron and curled my hair loosely. I pulled a black beanie out of one of my drawers and put it on. I walked out of my room and yawned. I blinked my eyes and my face lit up when i saw that all the boys were here. I ran and jumped on Harry's back "CURLY" I yelled and he laughed "Hey there Skye" He said and i smiled. He always called me by my last name. I jumped off his back and plopped on the couch. I made a grumbling type noise and i heard chuckling. I let out a high pitched squeak as i felt someone sit on top of me. I turned my head and saw Niall sitting on me. "Niaaalll" i whined. He looked over at ne and smiled cheekily. I sighed "someone help me!!" I yelled and and Louis burt in. "Did someone say help" he asked and i realized he was wearing his superman shirt. I rolled my eyes "yes now get this irish leprachaun off me!" I said but he had other ideas. He lifted Harry up and tossed him over his shoulder "dog pile!!" He yelled and jumped ontop of Niall squishing me even more. I squeaked and looked over to see Zayn laughing. My cheeks got hot and i looked at Liam who had his arms crossed over his chest. He cleared his throat and everyone quickly got off me and sat up straight. I looked up at him "yes daddy?" I asked and everyone tried not to laugh. He just shook his head and i giggled. I instantly out of nowhere ran to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and got the carrots. I just seemed to get that from Louis. "As usual" i heard a voice say behind me. I jumped and spun around and saw Zayn. "Jesus Zayn you scared the crap outta me!" I said and pushed him playfully. He rumbled with laughter and i rolled my eyes at him. I grabbed my carrots and stuck my tongue out at him. He smirked and i walked past him. I walked back into the living room and sat down on the floor with my legs up on the couch. Zayn sat down next to me and smiled. I smiled back and looked at Louis. He was staring mindlessly at the TV. I chuckled and threw a carrot at his face. He jumped and looked over at me and i smiled cheesily. "Give me those carrots little miss" he said and i handed them to him. He took a handful and threw them at me. I gasped and jumped up. I grabbed the ones on the ground amd started throwing them everywhere. "CARROT WAR" i yelled and thats when it started. This is my everyday life. This is what i live with.

I personally think you need to use more sentence variety. Most of it was pronoun/past verb. Try starting a few sentences with subordinate clauses, adding some passive sentences, and talking about things in different tenses. If you need examples, I could do that.

If you could give me some examples that would be great.