The Humour Club discussion

Let's pretend we're related and spend this holiday season arguing about unimportant things.

Should the turkey be roasted or deep-fried? Marshmallows on those yams or bacon and pecans?

You name it, I bet we can fight about it.

First of all, most people consider Bing Crosby's cover of 'White Christmas' - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJSUT8... -to be the definitive version, but I prefer this one by The Drifters - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooc5eJ...

Opinions, anyone?

OH I could get into this, I've had years of practice.

Melki - first off the debate should be titled the 'Christmas' edition...enought of this PC bull.

Next, Bing does the best White Christmas, er, should that be White Holiday, Melki?

The Drifter do a good version. Reminds me of that awesome wonderful Xmas movie - Home Alone. Remember that scene where Macauley splashes aftershave on his face...priceless.
Now, who was it that though Home Alone was a 'piece of crap'?

Where's the wine coolers?

Who the hell would deep fry their turkey!!! It has to be roasted so you get that lovely aroma filling the house setting stomachs a-rumbling!

Home Alone is a piece of crap but that's what Christmas is all about, arguments and shite tv!!!

And as a non-American what the hell are yams and why would you have marshmallows on them?

Bookworm - sounds like you've already had several wine coolers...

"Happy Holidays" is not a PC thing. In my suburban elementary school, there were no Jews, and no one had yet heard of the recently invented Kwanza, we ALWAYS said "Happy Holidays." It was faster than saying the cumbersome, "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year."

Sam - In the US, sweet potatoes are labeled as "yams" by most grocery stores, and we go along with the charade for reasons not exactly clear to me. I've never had them with marshmallows, though I assume this was invented in a sly way to get children to eat vegetables, like putting cheese on broccoli.

'Home Alone' crap? Once the burglars start breaking in, it gets interesting, kind of like how 'Titanic' limps along til the iceberg shows up. It's not one of the movies I watch every year to celebrate the HOLIDAYS!

Man, am I glad I'm not related to you people!

Aha, I do like a sweet potato, recently discovered that TGI Friday does sweet potato fries and my god they are amazing (and healthier than normal fries so I've been told)! Although I'm not convinced by the addition of marshmallows, surely that would be a bit rank when the gravy is poured over?

Yea it is but in a funny can't help but watch it way (although only in December) ;-)

Sam - I am with you - marshmallow on yam?! WTF.
Up here in Canada, we do things completely different...sweet potato with sugar.

Melki - I've not gotten into the wine coolers yet, I'm just attempting to fill the role of annoying younger brother.
I also hear what you are saying and I completely agree with you on the 'holiday' thing. In fact, last year at a school council meeting I was that PC parent that voiced concern over the name of an event ("Christmas" something). Even though there was outcry from a majority of other parents, I got the administration to change the name to 'Holiday' something. Victory! Don't get me going about separating state and church.

Is there anyone you hope will not show up for Christmas this year? Such as, Mother-in-law, Step-Mother, Blood-Mother (I obviously have mother issues).

What ABOUT the turkey? Maybe that's not even the right entree for Xmas. Some say it should be ham, some beef. Maybe leg of lamb.

Marshmallows on the sweet potatoes are disgusting. They don't need ANY more sweeteners. They are already sweet, thus the name.

Maybe that's why Americans call them "yams." So they can justify further sweetening.

And, I love them both, but I'm very glad I'm not hosting both my brothers this year. My house is simply not large enough for two very large guys who love to argue!

I thought about serving boar's head this Christmas...

Ahhh sweet cheeks...lovely!! ;-)

the great thing is despite the american tendancy to label sweet potatoes as yams, they are actually completely different things

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yam_(veg...

I also think that Home Alone is shite, I've seen it enough times to have this opinion, and yes, I'll probably watch it again, just to watch someone get hit in the face with a paint tin.

turkey is a thanksgiving thing that then got pushed on xmas, goose is the traditional xmas bird, personally, I'd prefer to go with a haunch of venison (if only I could afford it) and then some smaller fowl, like quails, and have a proper old fashioned feast with lots of veg and fruit and sauces and pickles and chutneys and etc etc, and at least 2 other meats on the table. And lots of people to share it all with.

We've always done turkey over here, but then we don't have Thanksgiving. Our Christmas fare tends to be turkey, beef and pigs in blankets with a couple of different stuffings and of course the compulsory brussel sprouts!

Ah, the swinging paint can in the face is a classic. I can think of a long line of celebrities and wealthy real estate tycoons with bad hair that I'd love to see that happen to...

Just once, before I die, I'd like to sample turducken -
http://www.cajungrocer.com/meat-and-p... - but only if somebody else prepares it.

I always figured the turkey was because goose is hard to come by.

One of my two large brothers is a preacher. They have pizza on Xmas because its easy and it's a busy day. (Since my other brother is an avowed atheist, you can see why one house is often not large enough for both).

Melki - I've seen that Turducken...not sure if we'd be able to get that across the border? Our food safety ministry hasn't approved it, as far as I know.
It's also hard enough getting Turkeys across the border (only one per person!). I need my carcasses!

Our house is now the official hosting house for Christmas time, as most of my other relatives only live in small apartments. I don't mind, we set up a TV in the basement for the men, and the women mostly just hang out in the kitchen cooking. That leaves me, alone, in the sitting room...reading!

Just had a though, am I the annoying brother in law...is that why I'm left alone?
I should say something like, how depressing...but I'm not.

I think Rebecca wins the prize for most awkward holiday get-togethers with one "large" brother at each of the opposing ends of the religious spectrum. This could make for some very interesting dinner table conversation.

I can probably pack up and mail my turkey carcass to you, BW. It shouldn't smell too awful by the time it makes it to Canada.

All your relatives are probably discussing why you don't hang out with the guys in front of the TV, so that probably makes you more "weird" than "annoying".
This year, try hangin' out with the womenfolk in the kitchen. That'll really give 'em all something to talk about...

Melki, what's funny is that the guys manage to be quite civil when together, though their debates can get more intense than I like (they seem to enjoy it). It's just that they're so big. And loud. Band I'm a girl who likes some peace.

So it's the other side of the family we are actually hosting this year. I think a dozen, but all about half the size of my brothers.

(There's something for the "things people don't know about me" thread: I married into a family of gnomes. Or elves. Or Hobbits, or something.)

I can't believe nobody chastised me for being so sexist (men watchin' tv drinking beer in the basement and women slaving away in the kitchen)...come on.

In reality I'm usually doing all the things 'host' husbands get to do - take out the garbage, get the folding chairs from the storage room, take a coffee to my father-in-law, take a sweetner for the coffee for my father-in-law, help unload present from a car, sweep up the crumbs from that cookie uncle whatsname gave to the kids, shovel the sidewalk if there is snow...do you feel bad for me now?

Rebecca - what do you mean gnomes, elves, hobbits...are you the tallest person in the room at family reunions?

Oh, and my daughter is calling the break she gets from school 'Christmas break'. I'm considering home schooling just so I can insist on calling it a 'holiday break'.

Bookworm,I'm not quite the tallest, but that's the idea. I do tower over my husband's parents, though three out of the four sons have a few inches on me. And they tend to be small-boned (unlike me--I'm short but not petite).

All right, Rebecca. High five from another "short but not petite" gal. Have you seen them barefoot? They really may be hobbits.

I didn't think BW was being sexist. I've never been to one of these gatherings that didn't split up according to sex after dinner. It just seems to be the natural order of things. I'd honestly rather hang with the women - good conversation (well, okay - good gossip!). The men just tend to sleep and fart.

Melki I was trying to be sexist to get some debate going! Uh.

Fine, what is better, hot turkey or cold turkey.

My in laws like to cook the turkey overnight so they have room in the oven for other things the next day (pies, yams with marshmallow, or whatever). Problem is the turkey sits out and gets 'cold'. You can put gravy on it to warm it up a bit.

In my opinion, cold turkey is for sandwiches only.

Cold turkey is for breaking bad habits. Cook the pie the day before. Microwave the veggies. But roast that dang bird just before dinner!

Microwave? Now that's a debate.

What's good in the microwave? Squash is ok.

I don't really use the microwave to cook things. It's good for heating prepared foods, warming leftovers, taking the chill off certain refrigerated things, warming muffins and similar. That's just me, but...I don't know anyone who does *real* cooking in the microwave.

Cooking (steaming) veggies in the micro works fine.

Bookworm seems to have a need to actually debate here, so...what goes on top of the tree?

A star? An angel? Cthulhu wearing a Santa hat?

I believe the tree should be topped with a star.

Of course, mine gets topped with an angel, because that's what we have. But it's wrong.

I've got a star on one tree and an angel on another, I also have a Jack Skellington tree topper but I like to have that displayed by itself so I can enjoy it in all its glory :-)

MELKI - a STAR goes on top of the tree for me.

I have something similar to this; not quite a star, but not an angel either...



Just kidding, we got rid of that a few years ago, only half the lights were working...now we just have a quirky wire star (sans lights).

On the small tree I keep on my desk at work I have a tinfoil type star like this,



As for SAM's comment - 'I've got a star on one tree and an angel on another'...More than one tree per house? Debate!

If you have room for more than one tree in your house, your house is probably too big. But having one inside and decorating another in the yard is cool.

I have a tasmanian devil/angel - http://www.enlightenedredneck.com/200...

I also have one of those bizarre Santa-head toppers (message 30) hanging on the wall in the kitchen. The lights are synchronized to look like they're spinning around his head. It's pretty freaky and can lead to convulsions.

And I have more than one tree. Wanna make something of it?

Rebecca wrote: "If you have room for more than one tree in your house, your house is probably too big. But having one inside and decorating another in the yard is cool."

Nah since I've got four and I live in a flat! And of course they're not all big 6 footers, one is a 4 foot and the other two are little 1 footers :-)

Melki - I wouldn't dare 'make something of it'...but, one tree should be enough. Unless, as Sam pointed out, they are small (and for the sake of the earth, all fake and reusable). That's fine to have small ones.
Are your trees small?

Although, I'm one to talk. I could have two trees seeing as I have way to many decorations on the one (and another box full in storage)...that's my vice, over-consumption of decorations.

We've had astonishing numbers of decorations dumped on us by well-meaning friends and relatives. It seems that it should be obvious that we have more than enough, but every year, somehow, we get more.

I have 4 large trees (all faux fir), including the original aluminum tree from the sixties that decorated my childhood home, and several smaller trees.

The decorating thing has gotten out of hand, but just TRY not doing it one year. The kids go nuts - "What do you mean you're not putting up the M&M tree? That's my favorite!" "But we HAVE TO have the Lionel circling the dining room!" Happily, they're old enough now to help set this crap up, and as soon as they leave home, it will be my turn to start dumping decorations on them.

Any particular holiday songs getting on your nerves?

I would be quite happy to never hear 'The Little Drummer Boy' EVER again! Ditto 'The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting...)'. This year, 'Merry Christmas, Baby' is really starting to annoy me for some reason.

----------------------------------------------------

And the worst possible version of 'White Christmas' - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpvB1I... It's actually painful to listen to at times.

Katy Perry proving once again that adding silicon does not improve one's singing ability.

I love Felice Navidad, I never get tired of that song. But, I'm with you on Drummer boy. Or that twelve days of xmas...it just keeps repeating?!

You know what is a classic in our house - Kenny and Dolly's Christmas. Know that album?

I try not to think about it. Not a Kenny Rogers fan. I don't even like his chicken restaurants.

Everyone is remaining far too civil for the original intent of this thread, which was to a*argue* about unimportant things. Let's see some passion here! Yelling! Angry retorts!

Or just pass me some eggnog and I'll take a nap in the corner.

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*cking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Is that better? ;-)

Maybe everyone should get drunk, then post. The best fights are usually alcohol-fueled...

Now that sounds like a plan, I wonder whether the bosses will let me have a pint or two in the office...

Sam wrote: "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday eme..."

Much better!

Oops, I mean that's the spirit you flippin' idjit!

Alright, this is bound to stir the pot...do you allow opening of presents BEFORE Christmas morning?

One little one for the kids to keep them entertained on Christmas eve? Allowing your significant other to open that special silky 'sleep'ware item on the XXXmas eve night?

What is your opinion?

No way! Gifts are to be opened Xmas morning. Stockings may be done as soon as you're up. Gifts are after breakfast and one at a time, so we can all see.

Yep. Christmas morning ONLY, though we open before breakfast - which is, of course, COOKIES!

Presents DO NOT appear under the tree until the kids are in bed Christmas eve. My mother used to wrap and put stuff under the tree whenever, and I HATED that!

No way, Melki! You have to have SOME presents under the tree in the days leading up to Xmas, or else there's nothing to shake, poke, prod and try to guess. Geez, if the gifts don't go under the tree until the kids are in bed, and you open them before you even have breakfast, where's the anticipation?

I used to love being allowed to open one present Xmas eve. I'm sure my parents gave into my constant whine and just wanted me out of their hair so they could play eucre with the relatives in peace.
I've continued that tradition with my kids. They can open one thing Xmas eve.
We also wrap stuff early and store it under the tree. Almost everything in fact, except for one Santa gift (Santa is stingy in our house, doesn't take away too much from the parents who crave their kids love and admiration).

But, what do you leave out for Santa - Milk? I've hear jokes of Beer and Wine. The other day my little guy suggested 'Coke'.

Nope. Nothing shall appear before Xmas day. I'm not a big fan of shaking and poking, plus it's more exciting to have this massive stack suddenly materialize. I like everyone to feel overwhelmed with presents.

I made the mistake with my kids of saying that EVERYTHING was from Santa. Then I would sit there seething as they opened all those perfectly chosen and carefully-shopped-for presents, and gave all the credit to the jolly fat man. In fact, one time, a certain smart-ass son of mine asked why I didn't get him anything for Xmas.

Have you heard of Elf on the Shelf?

http://www.elfontheshelf.com/

Many parents I know are getting this 'elf on the shelf' thing. It's a doll elf that you set up say, on a shelf, and then when your kid goes to bed you put it somewhere else, like your couch. Then you tell the kid the elf is magical, it comes alive at night and moves around.
It's all fun and games for the kid, they get to try and find the elf the next day. You can do fun things like put the elf on the toilet, or put it in the freezer, etc..but, there is another side to the elf.
Parents are using it to scare kids into 'behaving'. Saying the elf is watching them and reporting back to Santa.

I, of course, ridicule this openly at home. Which is, apparently, being picked up by my daughter. She was at school the other day telling the other kids, 'the elf on the shelf isn't real'...great, I have that kid.
It got so bad one of the other mother's came over one morning on the school yard and spoke to my wife. Asking if we could tell our daughter the elf was real so she wouldn't tell her kid it wasn't...and then her kid would 'behave' again.

Ya right!