Pakistani Readers discussion

You can create a thread to post your own writings here and discuss.
Also, please be kind about others work. Positive criticism only please :)

i used to write but bcose of some personal setbacks i got a huge writer's land sliding and the path stays blocked till now :)

I have many works, around 23 Word files on my desktop out of which only 2 are complete and only 1 is 100% original (yeah, I'm sad like that). I have the original here on my goodreads profile but I don't think I'm ready to face any opinions on it right now. Sigh.

But always ready to read someone else's work.

I've a few writing that I can share, but they're all just straight off the mind and need to be fixed (Grammar and all). And I've a story I began writing, but then lost interest.

why don't you share it with us. we can correct the grammer and maybe provide new ideas. if you want.

I'll share the story. It might be childish or boring, but this is just the start. So yeah, I will.

Here's one I found, purani hai but whatever.

http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/1...

"I coughed each time I inhaled the smoke from the buses, as if my lungs had lost the strength to inhale this previously familiar air; I enjoyed the fragrance carried by the evening breeze, of the chamelis being sold at the roadside, yet I would brace myself for the stench of fish emanating from the trucks that followed. I never stopped enjoying the tasty meals, yet never failed to succumb to gastroenteritis as if the same food I had consumed for years had become alien to me, less forgiving because I had left. I had changed from player to spectator, from actor to an inattentive member of the audience, from a tree of the soil to a plant that was growing in another garden. Like the immune system rejecting a donated organ; like a word of poetry lost in translation_this was my redefined relationship with my country as well as with my family." (Perhaps the only autobiographical part of The Lost Pearl)

@Lara. I actually really like the piece :) I like the way you describe the feeling of something once familiar being now strange ^_^ maybe more so because I've been thinking of such things for a while now and it relates a lot to my thinking ^_^

Thank you Sairah. I think once you leave your country in a way you never belong anywhere really, and its a feeling shared by many of us, a loss that's hard to define.

Standing in the dark for so long


Feeling the emotions,yet so strong


To defy the dark,to resist its evil


To fight the binding chains so cruel


To be the champ against all odds


Finally able to silence the barking dogs


Reaching myself out to that impossible dream


No matter what the restrictions,where the stream


Being that man only seems like second nature


Though there is nothing but me to nurture


So despite the abrasions and fears,I won't quit


Yeah it matters to stick when you get the hardest hit

Hassan wrote: "Standing in the dark for so long


Feeling the emotions,yet so strong


To defy the dark,to resist its evil

To fight the binding chains so cruel


To be the champ against all odds


Finally able ..."

"Yeah it really really matters:)" its beautiful Hassan..simple but inspiring..

Lara wrote: ""I coughed each time I inhaled the smoke from the buses, as if my lungs had lost the strength to inhale this previously familiar air; I enjoyed the fragrance carried by the evening breeze, of the c..."

Wonderfully written Lara:) it really hurts when u become a stranger in ur own land, for ur own people...common pain of immigrants when they get a chance to revisit their homeland and u xplained it really well. i am waiting for the upcoming chap of ur book. It must be interesting:)

Shumaila wrote: "Hassan wrote: "Standing in the dark for so long


Feeling the emotions,yet so strong


To defy the dark,to resist its evil

To fight the binding chains so cruel


To be the champ against all odds

..."

Thank you Shumaila :)

Shumaila wrote: "Lara wrote: ""I coughed each time I inhaled the smoke from the buses, as if my lungs had lost the strength to inhale this previously familiar air; I enjoyed the fragrance carried by the evening bre..."
Shumaila, thank you for your thoughts. Posted the first chapter. The book is fictional but the nostalgia is real.

With three books under my belt...i guess you can head over to my authors page to view them...they are also on

Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/farid...

and Amazon (Kindle)

currently trying to finish my 4th novel...so yeah :)

WRITTEN BY:RAO UMAR JAVED

Recently Reader Digest magazine held a competition of writing a short story with in 100 words so even I tried my best but unfortunately the competition was canceled or don’t know what happen that my efforts were never rewarded nevertheless I would be highly oblige if you people go through it and leave me your comments. A 100 word story is extremely short and very much abrupt so read it carefully.



Relief for eyes

“Arfah my sweet daughter”, said Adil

“Yes, Papa”, replied Arfah

“Give Papa a tight hug”, said Adil picking up Arfah around his arms

“Papa now that I am four year old where was I five years ago

“With God”

“What can I do to go back to God?”

“Oh my angle nobody wants back God…………but we have to!”

Adil reopened his eye in the same sordid graveyard where he was sitting alone - Arfah who used to be the relief for his eyes was now gone from every sight.

His eyes began to melt again with fire inside his heart.

-Rao Umar

@ Rao

Such a sad story :-( Since you are constrained by 100 words and wish to evoke an emotion, I would tweak grammatical breaks as follows and then resubmit it to a different magazine. Feel free to use or ignore my suggestions:

“Arfah, my sweet daughter?” said Adil.

“Yes, Papa?" [*note: it's implied Arfah answers*]

“Give Papa a tight hug?” He picked Arfah up into his arms.

“Papa? Now that I am four year old, where was I five years ago?"

“With God.”

“What can I do to go back to God?”

“Oh my angel! Nobody wants to go back God ... but we have to!”

Adil reopened his eye in the sordid graveyard where he sat alone. Arfah, who used to be the relief for his eyes, was now gone from every sight.

His eyes began to melt again with fire inside his heart.

Thank you very mush Anna I respect your concern and I highly appreciate your opinion

Okay, need a favor! I'm looking for reviews regarding my three works or any kind of input is appreciated so i can change things as the series progresses...The titles are:

'Colville - The Secret'
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18...

'Colville - The Swamp'
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18...

'Somerville Mysteries - The Missing'
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18...


They are short works of mystery, YA and paranormal. Anyone who's interested in reading any one of all of these, please let me know and i'll send a copy. Looking forward to comments, etc. Thank you

I always welcome an opportunity to read something written by someone accessible so I can ask questions! Send 'em my way, will try to help as much as I can. ;-D

Thank you so much for showing interest @Aaila and @Zenab...much appreciated :)

wow rao umer!!! i just read the story n found it heart touching really! keep it up man!!

Hassan your writ stuff is realy good simple but deep along!thats why i loved reading it

I,Me&My

"I tried to writ a poem,
But it was just a sentence,
I tried to read the sentence,
But it was just a single word,
I tried to ponder over the word,
And it showed an only alphabet,
it was the word of "I";

I tried to get away from the word,
But it was there,
Always there in my world.
It made me wonder and surprise,
I never get away from the word,
And never rise.

I thought and act for "I"
I did and pact for "i"
All my worries and all my cares,
Do all revolved around this "I"

This yonder made me realise,
My world was limited to my eyes,
I never saw beyond my nose,
And never learned what happened to those,
Who suffer from;
Poverty, hunger, deprevation, injustice,.
And all the evils this "I" created.

And then I got to know the truth,
I never learnt beyond this "I"
I never went beyond this "I".

"I LIVE IN A WORLD"

I live in a world of want,
Where everyone is in need of everything,
And dreams and desires always haunt.

I live in a world of Thirst,
Where every drought lacks to satisfy,
And every desire seems to burst.

I live in a world of Hurry,
Where no one have no time for others,
And everyone's drooping in its own worry.

I live in a world of Terror,
Where no one knows the word of 'peace',
And everyone's scared and everywhere horror.

I live in a world of Poverty,
Where no one thinks beyond its bread and butter,
And hunger snatches away any scraps of novelty.

I live in a world of Chaos,
Where no on learns the purpose of its creation,
And everyone lives without any serious cause.

I live in a world of Distress,
Where no one knows true meanings of belief,
And everyone's captured in its own lusts.

I live in a world of Crisis,
Where everyone's in short of everything,
And the economy of trouble always rises.

I wish, I pray this world of mine,
Be turned into a heaven on earth,
Hence the glow of love and the glory of height,
Turns every heart enlightened and every face shine,
I wish, I pray this world of mine...!

both of these poems are awesome but i personally like "I, me and my" more. :P

good job.

awww quite an active type you are :) gud to learn about your comments n thnx for liking "I,Me n My" it was one of my very first writ stuffs in truth:p

"Life and Love"

Life is a game
That beats the player,
And cheats the name;


Love is a game
That cheats the player,
And beats the name;


Life and Love are both the games,
Where the player has to learn,
Loser is the side even if the winner,
Bare hand is all that you finally earn!!!

if is one of the first then it is very well written and i like the theme a well. the theme of i live in a world if also good but i like the other one better because of the flowing rhymes in it.

thnx a lot :p

Preeshay wrote: ""Life and Love"

Life is a game
That beats the player,
And cheats the name;


Love is a game
That cheats the player,
And beats the name;


Life and Love are both the games,
Where the player has to ..."

optimistic are we??? ;p

this is a good one too.

optimism is another thing n realism second! i guess i opt for realism there...:p
click???

optimistic is definitely for realism. i was just out of words. these kinds of things occur when you joust roll out of bed. :P

hahahahahaha rite so you did.....:p
got to go..:(
see you soon again dear rolled out:p

hahahahahahaha! right. buy.:P

Your poems are nice preeshey. They do need quite a bit of editing though. I like the theme of the 'I' poem, but the meaning gets lost a bit because of the grammar issues. So definitely keep up the good work. There is a lot of potential. Lekin I can't emphasize proofreading and editing enough.

the thing is zenab that i cant write with a pre-thought type of mood or say style! i only write when it urges me to...... so when its out-flowen i cant stop for a check of grammatical mistakes anyhow:( :)
hope you got the point in it:)

I get your point. But the errors in the flow of the writing actually take away from the point of one's writing. Especially when you share your writing with others. I takes away from their reading experience too. It's common courtesy to the reader to re-read and re-write.

Preeshay you have some very good ideas. I agree with zenab though. You don't worry about grammar during the initial writing because you just let the ideas flow, but that's why the first draft is never the final. I usually revise and change my writing 8-10 times and even then it's not perfect.

Hi lara!

Hi..yeah I didn't disappear..just the profession eating up the passion..but promise I'll be back once things are more settled..

i guess you're right lara! ok then i will write down all the stuff on this spot and seriously i invite anyone rather everyone to be an Editor at the spot specially you lara:) hope you'd be my Editor in person in future:p
click..???

 
I FEEL SUFFOCATED IN MY ROOM,
LIGHT ENTERS DIMLY IN MY ROOM;
 
WOLVES,BEASTS,PHANTOMS SAUNTER AROUND,
AND HUMANS ARE LOCKED UP IN MY ROOM;
 
SORROW,TEARS,ANXIETY  AND DESPAIR,
GIVE COMPANY TO ME IN MY ROOM;
 
SCATTERED WERE THE BELOVED THINGS ON THE ROAD,
OBJECTS WHICH ONCE DECORATED THE WALL IN MY ROOM;
 
LOST IN YOUR MEMORIES AND GAZING AT YOUR SOUVENIRS,
I HAVE RELIVED AND CREATED THE PAST IN MY ROOM;
 
DURING NIGHT, WHEN MY SWOLLEN EYES OPEN  UP,
I CAN FEEL YOUR BREATH TINGLING ME IN MY ROOM;
 
WAILS,LAMENTING,MOANS AND CRIES RESONATE OUTSIDE,
BUT I CAN HEAR YOUR MISCHIEVOUS LAUGHTER IN MY ROOM;
 
FAMILY,FRIENDS AND RELATIVES MUSHROOM AROUND.
BUT SOLITUDE RULES THE WORLD IN MY ROOM;
 
OTHERWISE SO MUCH WORK AND HECTIC SCHEDULE,
BUT I IDLY SIT AND BROOD OVER THE PAST IN MY ROOM;
 
ANYBODY CAN SEE THE FUMES AND CAN GET BURNT,
AS THE FLAMES OF AGONY ARISE IN MY ROOM;
 
FRESH SPRING,THIRSTY SUMMER,DESOLATED AUTUMN AND DULL WINTER,
ALL THE FOUR SEASONS FIRST ARRIVE IN MY ROOM;
 
MY ADVISERS, CONSOLERS AND WELL-WISHERS,
PLEASE STAY AWAY &  LEAVE ME ALONE IN MY ROOM;
 
NIB OF MY PEN HAS BROKEN AND  INK HAS ALSO  DRIED,

PAPER HAS DAMPENED WITH TEARS IN MY ROOM;
 
FOND MEMORIES,SHATTERED DREAMS AND UNKEPT PROMISES,

ALL MY INSIPID  LIFE LIES BURIED HERE  IN MY ROOM.
 

Babar wrote: " 
I FEEL SUFFOCATED IN MY ROOM,
LIGHT ENTERS DIMLY IN MY ROOM;

"wow baber! its amazing really!!i really liked the type n tone a lot may be more bcz i am one of those who would share the same crest wd you!! so hands off man!!!:)

@preeshay, sure
@babar, except for a few very minor things, this is really quite good. The lines about the past in my room and the last two verses are very well-written

Here is my piece of writing. I have been an old member of Goodreads but just started using it.
Do give me feedback about my work.
http://xunairaj.wordpress.com/2013/09...
This is the part two of the same post
http://xunairaj.wordpress.com/2013/09...

Here's an interesting little contest I came across I thought people might be interested in?

A picture is worth a thousand words, but a few words can change its story. So, here is a challenge for all you wordsmiths out there. Draw up a person you know well with your words for the world to “see”. Tell us whatever you think should be known about them. How they looked, how they behaved, how they thought, what they felt, and anything else. You can choose to describe them, or narrate a story about them, or use any other form of writing to present them to the world. Make the representation vivid, relatable and interesting. There are no rules except that the entry should be in English, should be about a real person you know and should have no more than 1500 words.


Here's the link to the complete contest:

http://pothi.com/pothi/promotions/cha...

Rida this is good. Agree with aalias points..I would make the moans of pain just moans.
Also, adrenaline would be rushing through the veins rather than the ears. Hope u don't mind, we are all a bunch of self- appointed critics, plus I like what u write otherwise I wouldn't comment on it.

@Rida great writing... it seems there is alooot from whence this came... so when are u sharing the rest?? :-P:-P;-):-)