ABNA discussion

Here's to hoping we all get past the first round! In an effort to keep us busy while wait for Feb. 13th, would anyone like to read each others excerpts? I have mine posted as a preview on createspace. But if you have yours posted anywhere else,(like wattpad for example), don't hesitate to share. Here is the link to mine...

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Carlos wrote: "Very good! It will be fun to read an account of the opening days of the Zombie apocalypse. Will add it to my reading list."

Thank you Carlos, feel free to leave any feedback!

My excerpt for CHASING DANNY is at http://www.krschulteis.com/Excerpts/C...

I too welcome any comments, although I wasn't thinking ahead enough to allow comments on the excerpt directly. /facepalm.

:-)

Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

I look forward to reading through these. :)

In the meantime, here's the preview for mine: KING'S WARRIOR - https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

I added my excerpt for SORROW OF THE DRAGON GODS... https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Mikhail wrote: "Here's to hoping we all get past the first round! In an effort to keep us busy while wait for Feb. 13th, would anyone like to read each others excerpts? I have mine posted as a preview on createspa..."

Nice. I'm a fan of zombie stories so I like this idea. A couple of things stood out for me. I like that we're getting a soldier's POV in this. I mean, he's already having to deal with so much, it kind of intensifies what's about to happen for us. You feel that much more for him. Also, I like that we get bits and pieces without the whole story. Like, we find out he feels responsible for his friend's death, even though we haven't gotten there yet. I like seeing a story built like that.

K.R. wrote: "My excerpt for CHASING DANNY is at http://www.krschulteis.com/Excerpts/C...

I too welcome any comments, although I wasn't thinking ahead enough to allow comments on the excerp..."

OK, first I have to say that I clicked on your link without having looked at your picture. When I started reading it just felt so much like a guy's voice that I totally assumed a guy was writing it. I was really surprised when I popped back over here to see I was wrong. So excellent job with that.

Next, I loved your writing style. You're very descriptive without being excessively so and it works great for building this picture for us. You also manage to create a strong sense of personality for your characters within a short amount of dialogue. So good job there.

But my favorite thing was the little quirks we're already seeing with this character. His challenging of the horse every morning? Man, I loved that. Not just the concept either, but the execution of it. It injected a little humor in while still giving us clues as to who this person is.

Carlos wrote: "This is the preview link to my first novel, THE HOUSE OF WAR, BOOK ONE OF THE OMEGA CRUSADE!

ENJOY!

https://www.createspace.com/pub/membe...#"

Your link didn't work for me.

Jenelle wrote: "I look forward to reading through these. :)

In the meantime, here's the preview for mine: KING'S WARRIOR - https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

gah. Well, I was sad this ended where it did. I was really wrapped up in it. You know how when you start a new book and there's that short period of adjustment in the beginning where you're adapting to the writing style and are trying to get a feel for the story? That didn't happen for me with yours. I got pulled right into the story.

The writing is perfect. It's just different enough to help us fall into this fantasy world, but not so much so that it's distracting. The story itself looks like it has a lot of potential. I was already really involved with the characters, just from that short exert.

I'm picky about fantasy genre and only delve into it on occasion, but this is one I think I'd enjoy reading. I've looked it up on Amazon and bookmarked it ... when I get a chance I think I'm going to pick it up.

Pam wrote: "I added my excerpt for SORROW OF THE DRAGON GODS... https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

I've yours open but haven't gotten to it yet. I'll do so tomorrow.

Okay, I've been meaning to get to these but haven't had a chance yet. Thank you to those who have left feedback on mine. I really appreciate it!

Do any of you guys know if we can change the excerpt if the story makes it past the first round? Currently my excerpt is the beginning but I was thinking maybe I should change it but it's currently locked.

Dave wrote: "Do any of you guys know if we can change the excerpt if the story makes it past the first round? Currently my excerpt is the beginning but I was thinking maybe I should change it but it's currently..."

From what I've learned on the amazon boards, your excerpt HAS to be the first 3,000-5,000 words of your story, including the prologue if it has one. And there's no changing anything besides our contact info now that it's closed.

Mikhail wrote: "Dave wrote: "Do any of you guys know if we can change the excerpt if the story makes it past the first round? Currently my excerpt is the beginning but I was thinking maybe I should change it but i..."

Thanks Mikhail!

Dave wrote: "Mikhail wrote: "Dave wrote: "Do any of you guys know if we can change the excerpt if the story makes it past the first round? Currently my excerpt is the beginning but I was thinking maybe I should..."

No problem Dave ;)

Jules wrote: "gah. Well, I was sad this e..."

Aw, thanks so much!

Mikhail wrote: "Here's to hoping we all get past the first round! In an effort to keep us busy while wait for Feb. 13th, would anyone like to read each others excerpts? I have mine posted as a preview on createspa..."

I'm slowly getting through these but had to literally laugh out loud at this line, Mikhail...

“Yeah. I actually watched you get all settled in and made sure you were comfortable before I killed you.”
Cale remarked with a laugh.

I don't play Halo, but I've gotten ganked enough in WoW to feel Bret's frustration. Still laughing!

My excerpt for "Ella Awakened" isn't posted anywhere but if you follow this link and click on the book cover it's the same thing only 2 extra paragraphs.

http://www.amazon.com/Ella-Awakened-e...

K.R. wrote: "Mikhail wrote: "Here's to hoping we all get past the first round! In an effort to keep us busy while wait for Feb. 13th, would anyone like to read each others excerpts? I have mine posted as a prev..."

hahaha! That's awesome K.R.!

Jules wrote: "Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

Intriguing concept. I particularly enjoyed the lingering mystery you're weaving here. We don't know why she refers to herself as a freak (what is it about her hair); we don't know who the anonymous rescuer is; we don't know anything and yet the prose continues to draw us deeper into the mystery. It's effective and even though we learn who the Citizen is, we don't know all of why the Citizen is needed so the theme continues. Nice.

Sadly, I notice the first few paragraphs were in first person present tense and then suddenly the prose changed to first person past tense. :(

Yet overall, the excerpt is intriguing and while it called to mind Hunger Games, it did NOT come off as a pale, rip off. This is an entirely different story with its own unique feel. Very nice.

K.R. wrote: "Jules wrote: "Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

Intriguing concept. I particularly enjoyed the lingering mystery you're weav..."

oh, oops. I uploaded the wrong version. That was my pre-edit one. Man, I hope I uploaded the right one to ABNA. blurg. I checked and rechecked it before I uploaded, so I'm just going to tell myself it was the right one.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read and comment. :) Some of the questions get answered in the second chapter, but some of them are on-going. There are layers to her being labeled a freak, of which only the most basic explanations are given in book one. We find out in book two that there's a lot more to her story than even she's aware of. And I'm glad it didn't come off as a Hunger Games rip off. I tried my best to avoid that, while still staying true to the story I wanted to write.

Again, thanks!

Jules wrote: "K.R. wrote: "Jules wrote: "Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

Intriguing concept. I particularly enjoyed the lingering myster..."

I will keep my fingers crossed for you regarding the uploaded excerpt. :-)

Pam wrote: "I added my excerpt for SORROW OF THE DRAGON GODS... https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

So from the short exert, I liked this a lot. I particularly liked how we're introduced to this scene that's already happening. Like we're coming into this in the middle of a story. Maric's been captured and we know that there's a history there that we've only caught glimpses of, and we know we're heading someplace, but for the moment we only know that he's been captured and is about to see his Mistress. It helps to catch our attention quickly.

I went and looked this up on Amazon to see what the book's about and I think there's a lot of potential there.

K.R. wrote: "Jules wrote: "K.R. wrote: "Jules wrote: "Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

Intriguing concept. I particularly enjoyed the li..."

Thanks! I wish there was a way to check.

oh well. I wasn't really expecting to make it past the pitch round anyway. I'm just happy ABNA provided me with the motivation I needed to finally finish the thing. Anything beyond that is just a happy bonus.

K.R....Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback on my excerpt preview!

I'm sorry I haven't been able to get into any of these excerpts yet. I'm hoping to tomorrow though. And I'll be sure to leave feedback :)

Jules wrote: "Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."


I really, really enjoyed this. The main character is intriguing, and I definitely want to read further.
I did get a little sidetracked by a couple of the typos (specifically where you use the word "drug" instead of "dragged" I think it's on the fourth page... I'm an English teacher... I can't help it)
However, the story is very engaging, and I'm curious about what happens next.

Mikhail wrote: "Here's to hoping we all get past the first round! In an effort to keep us busy while wait for Feb. 13th, would anyone like to read each others excerpts? I have mine posted as a preview on createspa..."

I left my comments on the actual preview... I didn't realize until later that people were commenting here... :) I'm not usually a huge fan of zombie stuff, but I really enjoyed your excerpt and might make an exception. Sort of Tom Clancy meets I Am Legend, a rare and fun mixture that lends a sense of realism to a genre that I would usually dismiss as "corny."

Jenelle wrote: "Jules wrote: "Here's the preview for mine. THE ILLYIA CHRONICLES: CITIZEN

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."


I really, really enjoyed this. The main character is intriguing, and I defi..."

Thanks! Yeah, I finished my first draft about a week into ABNA and only managed to do a basic edit. I went through the first chapter twice, but I know I still missed a lot. It really wasn't ready to be entered but I figured it would be a good experience. Before I start sending out query letters my sister, who was a copy editor, is going to comb through the whole thing with me.

Visit http://www.facebook.com/pages/Samyann... to read a scene from Yesterday: A Novel of Reincarnation

Hope you like :-).

I also just did an interview about the story with a fellow author/Goodreads member, E.D. Martin. The interview is posted to her blog: http://flotsamandjetsamandderelictme....

I am working my way through all of these and leaving feedback on CreateSpace as I can, here when I can't use CreateSpace. I have three left and hope to get through them this weekend.

S. E. I downloaded your sample from Amazon for review. Feedback follows:

I got sucked into your story in about five seconds. Your writing really flows and you're bringing in the action so subtly it sneaks up on you instead of bashing the reader over the head with a "see-this-is-paranormal-fiction" telling. I was able to completely suspend disbelief without knowing it. Excellent job.

Your introduction to Burke was superb. His calling her name like that told me he already knew her, and coming so soon after her experience in the library, really put the story into full-blown action mode where I wanted to know more. I bought it all with only the briefest "Hey, how did he know her name? Oooooohhhhh. I get it." :-)

Here is the link to my soft sci-fi entry this year THE HOPE STORE. When Luke Nagano opens the first store in the world to sell hope over the counter, Jada Upshaw is enraged. She's spent plenty of money on magic bullets that didn't work. Will the Hope Store turn out to be the real deal or another scam for suckers?

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Here is the link to my ABNA excerpt i hope you find it interesting.



https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Pam wrote: "I added my excerpt for SORROW OF THE DRAGON GODS... https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1..."

Pam, I liked your description of the goblins. Nice writing style too.

K.R. wrote: "I am working my way through all of these and leaving feedback on CreateSpace as I can, here when I can't use CreateSpace. I have three left and hope to get through them this weekend.

S. E. I downl..."

K.R. - such encouraging feedback. Thank you so much!

What a nice idea!

I have an excerpt available here at Goodreads (first 5 chapters):
Emancipating Alice

It's available at CS as well if you prefer to comment there :) : https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Here's the link to my ABNA submission (Mukade Island - a YA novel.):
https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Hi all --

My excerpt for The Banshee Screamed is here:

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1....

Let me know what you think.

MA

Hi again --

This is the excerpt for the sequel, which is a work in progress called The Kelpie Bellowed.

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...

Again, let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.

MA

Here's an excerpt from The Boy who Lit up the Sky on Wattpad.

http://www.wattpad.com/10826624-an-ex...

How many of you pretty much took your excerpt "as is" from your novel, not making any adjustments for the contest. How many found ways to strengthen the hook, to end your excerpt with a definite cliffhanger, and generally punch up your excerpt before submitting? Of course once such tweaking of the excerpt would also be duplicated in the full ms.

For me, the opening chapters of my novel always are strengthened and tweaked as I prepare my excerpt and full for ABNA. What about you?

My excerpt can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/notes/misisip...

It's pretty much all of prologue, Ch 1 and half of chapter 2 because I assumed the excerpt had to be from the start and one had to adhere to the 5000 word rule therefore mine just trails off mid-scene (Urg!)

Anyways, I don't expect to make the QF because my early scenes are not rip-roaring or gasp-inducing. It's more a slow, casual getting-to-know type thing and in today's wham-bam-expectation culture, that's a yawn-yawn.

Well, it was fun while it lasted :)