Writerpedia discussion

I did just post this in the thread that lets everyone know when they have added writing to their page, but I am sending out the first 1,500 words of my book for a possible fellowship at the week's end, so I need all the help I can get.

I have had two impartial parties read it already, and they have been an immense help, but as I am not easily offended and take (constructive) criticism well, it would be great if a few people on this site would read the excerpt as well.

Thank you in advance if you do hop on over to it.

Here's the link:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...

Eden, are you seeking a critique or a review? Would you like the comments sent as a message?

I suppose, at this point, I'm looking for a critique.

Messages are fine, since I didn't post it on a forum.
Reviews are more appropriate for comments, and I am looking for a critique.
I'd like any advice as to what I could change to improve it.

Thanks!!