Writers Write! discussion

Would you guys read this book from the prologue below? I know it doesn't give a lot away, but I've had people steal my ideas before (not saying you guys would ever do that!) so I try not to give a lot away...

PROLOGUE

THERE ARE MANY SECRETS IN OUR WORLD. Beware, for the story you are about to enter contains many…


“IT’S BEEN LOST AGAIN, ADELA!” a voice cries. The voice is high-pitched, almost proper. It also has a strangely rough and scarred accent, like the person it belongs to has been through too much.
“It can’t be, Elizabeth. She’s just found it,” another voice says – Adela, it seems.
“But it is. The well’s dried up, and so is her reign,” Elizabeth says. Two figures can be made out in the room. They’re tall and elegant, and shrouded in darkness. The scenery around them seems to be some sort of dungeon, one of the dark, damp ones that makes you shiver.
A third voice speaks up. This one sounds as if it’s scrapping a chalkboard with nails when it speaks, and is hoarse and frightening. “You’ll,” the voice coughs. Adela and Elizabeth look at each other in disgust, but pity shines from their hearts. “never find her,” it finishes.
Now the figure the voice belongs to crawls forward on spindly, boney legs, leaning against a rough cane made of wood.
The third figure is significantly smaller than the other two, even though it’s obviously older. A hunched back is the only other detail you can make out; this figure, too, is muffled by darkness.
Adela and Elizabeth seem worried. “We- we can’t be too sure, Catherine,” Elizabeth says.
Catherine cackles wildly. “Oh, no. You can never be too sure.” She leans forward on her cane and doubles over in a coughing fit. Finally, Catherine adds, “yet,” mysteriously.
“We’ll have to get there first, then. We must unite again and find it…. before she does,” Elizabeth replies.
Catherine only cackles harder, which results in a larger coughing fit to follow. “Sure you will!” she screeches. “Like you did the last time, and before that, too.”
“Pri- “ Adela begins.
“No,” Elizabeth says firmly. “As much as you hate her, she is vital to succeed.”
“And succeed you will, ha!” Catherine cries, rolling with laughter. “Your pitiful society will never accomplish anything besides getting yourself into trouble! Let me return to my throne and I might shorten your time in prison. Or maybe just not kill you. That would be kind of me,” she continues thoughtfully.
“NEVER!” Adela exclaims. She turns to Elizabeth. “Please, sister. Why her?” Adela gestures to Catherine.
Elizabeth shakes her head somberly. “We all want her gone. None of us think she will do the trick. But we must believe.”
“Yes, believe in that prophecy, such as you ALWAYS do. And how does that turn out? Ha!” Catherine guffaws.
“WHY?” Adela wails. “Why her, sister, why?”
“Because she knows information we need. Information otherwise unknown to our society,” Elizabeth says. She lowers her head. “I know how hard this is for you, dear,” she adds in a soft voice.
Adela glumly lowers her head, too.
Meanwhile, Catherine is watching with interest. “I’ll give you a fair deal,” she says.
Adela turns her head.
“Like the last time, and the time before, and before?” she asks mockingly. “I remember that didn’t turn out so well.”
Catherine clears her throat and continues, ignoring Adela. “You set me free and I won’t ever touch you again.”
“Right, and your guards won’t, either,” Adela says angrily.
“Sister,” Elizabeth says in a low voice. “We should be leaving now.”
Adela eagerly leaves and climbs up a long, winding staircase.
Elizabeth stays a moment longer. “I know you know more than you are letting on, Your Majesty,” she says quietly. Her footsteps echo dramatically as she climbs up the staircase.
Once Elizabeth is gone, Catherine reaches into her pocket and looks around suspiciously. Then, slowly, she pulls out a vial from a pocket in her skirt. Catherine checks the vial and drops onto the floor in relief. Snores break out from her throat, and everything is still besides the rise and fall of Catherine’s chest.
But one thing is in the dungeon that should never have been there.
The vial rolls away and drops down a small sewage pipe.

Please give feedback! :)

I will try to read this this afternoon, hopefully I won't forget about it. :-\

Wow, I love it! I have tons of questions though... :)
I love the names you chose! Adela is my name in Spanish class :)

Sierra *Soar on wings like eagles* wrote: "Wow, I love it! I have tons of questions though... :)
I love the names you chose! Adela is my name in Spanish class :)"


Thanks! Ill try to answer all the questions I can without giving too much away- and I actually just realized that I posted the unedited version of the Prologue though, haha!

If I just read that as the beginning of a book, there is no way I would be putting the book down for a while. :D Great job, I love it!!

Mary wrote: "If I just read that as the beginning of a book, there is no way I would be putting the book down for a while. :D Great job, I love it!!"

Thanks!