Write, Wrote, Written discussion

Hi,
I'm Alliyah and here is the prologue of a book that I am currently trying to write! The title of the book is 'Another World'

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Prologue

Once upon a time,

there lived a little girl and little boy. They were great friends and would do everything together! The young boy was named Jack. Jack Hartley. He was eight years old and had thick, short brown hair with rosy cheeks and lived with his two loving parents; Mabel Hartley and John Hartley. Mabel Hartley was a housewife and John Hartley was a soldier of the royal army of Queen Lane and King Joseph.


The little girl was named Autumn Sparkle and she was seven years old, with straight brown hair that ran to the middle of her back. She lived with her grandmother, since her parents disappeared leaving her alone with her grandmother to take care of her; Petunia Sparkle. But there was one thing about Autumn and her grandmother: they were fairies! Her grandmother was the fairy queen, leaving Autumn as the fairy princess. Though Autumn hadn’t gotten her wings yet and had no idea how to rule a kingdom, she still played with Jack everyday.

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Jack and she would climb their favorite tree that they called Benny, they would play hide and seek in the gardens and sometimes Autumn would use her magic to steal a cookie from the kitchen and never got caught. But one of the very special things they would do was that every time it was one of their birthdays they would promise each other the same promise every year; they promised to always, always stay friends, best friends forever!


But one night everything they loved and cared for all disappeared. While both of the little children were asleep a war began; The Great Goblin War! Jack's father went to fight in the war while his mother quickly picked him up and they ran through the village to the fairy castle to seek for Autumn’s grandmother for help.

They arrived and ran right through the grand hall to her throne where she sat, talking to some of the guards. “Petunia! I’ve come!” ,said Mabel with tears in her eyes. “John and I… we’ve decided-for Jack's sake- to let you take him to the safe place.”





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Petunia looked at her with Jack in her hands and took a minute to respond, “Very well. We must do it now.” Petunia speed walked up the stairs with Mabel trailing behind her. Even though Petunia was at least eighty years old she still was very quick.


They walked to the tallest tower of the castle and walked into a large room. Petunia walked over to a key, placed on a table with a pillow on it. The key was twice the size of a normal key and was glowing gold, with a tiny emerald on the top. “This is the safe place?” ,asked Mabel. “This is the place you said Jack would live in and be safe?” Petunia held the key to the air and twisted it and a big, blue door appeared with gold flowers on the top, bottom and sides of the door. “This place is where you get to the safe place.” ,Petunia said. Mabel stared in awe as the gold door shined on the other side and she heard the chirping of birds. “Where… where does it go to?” ,Mabel asked, never taking her eyes off the door. “To somewhere far, far away and safe.” ,Petunia said. “But before we put Jack in it I need to tell you that


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Jack and Jack only can go in not until five years has passed.”

“I know and I still want to do it.”

“Very well.” ,said Petunia. Autumn’s grandmother opened the door. As she did, a bright light appeared from the door. “Now just place him at the edge of the door and he will be transported into the safe place.” Said the fairy queen.


Mabel did as she was asked and stepped back. Jack magically disappeared leaving the floor empty. The door shut on its own and turned invisible like it had been before. “There’s one thing I would like to ask you Petunia.” ,Mabel said as she cried softly. “And what would that be?” ,Petunia responded. “What will you do about Autumn?” As soon as Mabel said that Petunia’s eyes grew as wide as a base-ball. She had totally forgotten all about Autumn! She ran down the stairs to Autumn’s room and turned on the lights she ran to Autumn’s bed and nothing was there! “Autumn?” ,she said softly.




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She looked around the room everywhere; under her bed, in the bathroom, in the closet and then she looked

behind the curtains and she found out what happened: the goblins had kidnapped her, since the window had been opened and a brown cloth was at the side of the window, the cloth of a goblin’s cloak! With all the rage and sadness and loss inside of her, Petunia stormed down the stairs and straight to her throne. With every tear she had turned into ash, she was so frustrated and angry.


“Markham!” ,she yelled for General Markham. Markham came from the dining room and bowed to the Queen. “Yes my queen?” ,he said. “I want you to send all your guards to find my granddaughter! And I want her to be found!” ,she yelled. “Of course my queen.” ,Markham said and bowed again and then went out to call the guards.


Petunia let all her anger out and let all the tears out. They dripped down her wrinkled face and on to her dress. “Oh Autumn… please be alright.” ,she whispered.

…


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It had been seven years since the kingdom's had heard or even seen Princess Autumn. Queen Petunia sat in her throne and looked at old photos of Autumn. She had sent out more than five hundred guards to go find Autumn, but they hadn’t even found the sent or footprint of the lost princess. Some guards and villagers thought Autumn had died, but Queen Petunia knew she was still out there, somewhere.


“My queen, the guards still have not found any trace of the princess.” ,General Markham said. “And?” ,Queen Petunia said. “Send out more!”

“My queen it's just that, it’s been nine years since the last time we all saw the young princess, are you sure you should be risking the lives of many people to find someone that might not even want to be found?”


Petunia put the pictures down.She knew that Autumn was still out there, but the general was right. Plus one hundred guards had died trying to look for the princess. “Very well… call off the search party. Princess Autumn is no longer going to be remembered in the fairy castle.”
It hurt Queen Petunia to say that, but she knew it was the right thing to do. “As you ask, your highness."

Interesting prologue Alliyah! I love the idea of this and hopefully I'll be able to read more in the future. You have some very interesting characters.

Alliyah wrote: "Hi,
I'm Alliyah and here is the prologue of a book that I am currently trying to write! The title of the book is 'Another World'

..."
Thank you! It's good to see that my 'rating' was a good one! I am sure to add another chapter or part as fast as I can!

Here is the first chapter of Another World! I hope you all like it!

Chapter One

Jack Moners


It's been nine years since Jack has been living with the Moners family. The Moners family has Emily Moners; their daughter. She is twelve years old, with freckles on her face and ginger curly hair, down to the end of her neck. Then, there was the parents; Anna Moners and Bob Moners. Anna Moners was a lawyer and Bob Moners was a Police officer. Then Jack seventeen year old, adopted boy. He had short mangled, brown hair and rosy cheeks. The Moners family and Jack lived in Denver, America in a small, one floor house in a lovely neighbourhood.


Jack had stayed in the adoption center for two years at the ages of nine and ten. He and Emily always got into fights! It drived the Moners parents insane! Emily always said that she wished she never had a brother and Jack would always say he wished he never had a sister. They would go on and on about how they hated each other.




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But one thing about Jack was something that he had forgotten. He was from another world and the only thing he had of his parents or his past life was a keychain with a locket and a golden lock. On one side of the locket there was a picture of him and his parents and the other side was a picture of a young girl. She had brown eyes, straight hair and a beautiful smile on her face. Jack always figured she was his sister, but she was something way more than a sister.


It was the first day of summer break. Jack sat on his bed and looked at his locket. For some reason there was something important that Jack thought he was supposed to know about the girl in the picture. He always would stare at her and try to remember something, anything about her, but every time he did the only thing that came up was the letter A. Then he looked at his birth parents and tried to remember them, but… nothing.


“Jack! Can you come, please?” ,asked Miss Moners. “Coming!” ,Jack yelled. He came to the living room and

Emily, Miss Moners and Mr Moners sitting on the couch.


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“Whats going on?” Asked Jack.

“Jack, we were all wondering if we could change up your summer vacation.” ,said Miss Moners.

“By how?” ,asked Jack.

“Well, me and your father we wondering if you and Emily would like to… go to your grandmother's house for vacation?” ,asked Miss Moners. Jack and Emily frowned. They loved their grandmother, but they also thought that she was crazy; she would say that Jack is special and he needs to go home to Autumn. The children never thought much of it, but they always wondered; who is Autumn?


“Are you serious?” ,asked Emily.

“Yes, your grandmother is very lonely and you know how much she loves seeing you two!” ,said Mr Moners. “But grandma is crazy!” , said Jack.

“Come on you guys! Please?” ,pouted Miss Moners. “Fine.” ,said Jack.

“What!?” ,yelled Emily. “Okay, he said yes, but I am not!”

“Emily if you yell like that again this won’t be a-” ,said Miss Moners, but Mr Moners cut her before finishing her


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sentence. “Emily, you remember that phone you saw at the window of that what's-it-called store?”

“Yeah.” said Emily suspiciously.

“If you go, I might get you it...” ,said Mr Moners.


Emily’s eyes looked like they were going to pop right out of her head! “Okay I’ll go!” ,she said quickly. “Oh I can’t wait to get that phone!”

…

After a few naps and fighting on the plane to their grandmother's house, Emily and Jack got to their grandmother. She lived in Ajax, Ontario in a small house in South Audley Lane. It was a two story house with many rooms. Their grandmother never left the house after their grandfather died, when they asked her why she said it was because of Jack.


Knock! Knock! “Coming!” ,said a weak voice. The door opened and there was their grandmother, with a smile on her face. “Jack! Emily! What a surprise!” ,said the siblings’ grandmother.

“Hi grandma!” ,said Emily handing her bags to Jack and giving her grandmother a huge hug.


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“Hey!” said Jack in the background. As Emily finished hugging her grandmother she rushed into her house to

the bedroom that her grandmother had let her have when she was there.


“Hey gran!” ,Jack said and placed the luggage at the front of the door. “Hello Jack.” ,said their grandmother with a sparkle in her eyes. “Do you remember?” Their grandmother always said that every time she laid her eyes on Jack. And Jack always responded; “Remember what?” And every time Jack got more and more irritated and impatient to find out what she meant by ‘Do you remember?’.
This time he answered; “Remember who?” His grandmother smiled and said, “Remember Autumn.”

I read the prologue. Very interesting, good idea! Would you like a bit of constructive criticism?

Sᴀᴘᴘʜɪʀᴇ ﹙Wɪsʜ Mᴇ Lᴜᴄᴋ ɪɴ Hᴏɢᴡᴀʀᴛs﹚ wrote: "I read the prologue. Very interesting, good idea! Would you like a bit of constructive criticism?"

Sure I'd love to learn some criticism to know what I can change! Bring it on!

Here's some constructive criticism. This is YOUR story, not mine, so feel free to not change all or some of it! :)

I'm pretty picky!

(view spoiler)[

Writing Style: Here are some things about the writing style. You might not want to put "Hi grandma!" , said Emily, instead perhaps "Hi Grandma!" said Emily. Not capitalizing the G, removing the comma. I'm just saying this, because you wouldn't normally put a ',' after what the dialogue. And also how you're putting a ';' instead of ':' sometimes. And try not to use exclamation marks in the third person too much, if you want to be a little more proper.

Part 1: Very good descriptions! I don't have much to say! Maybe the paragraph about Jack shouldn't be with the fact about the girl and boy being very good friends. First you talk about the friends, and then a line breaking up the paragraph, then about Jack, then the line, then about Autumn. Sorry, it's kind of confusing for me to explain! :)

(hide spoiler)]

I have to go, sorry. I'll write more to you more later! :)

~Ella

ƐƖƖα wrote: "Here's some constructive criticism. This is YOUR story, not mine, so feel free to not change all or some of it! :)

I'm pretty picky!



Writing Style: Here are some things about the writing style..."

I like you're ideas Ella! I know about the commas and where I put them and I do that 'cause that's how I saw it in other books and that's how I learned to do it. and I like to put a ';' instead of a ':' because I feel like this ';' is a better choice to use than this ':' 'cause with this ';' it has a comma which I feel like I need to use at times. I'll think about changing my book with the other ideas you have and I'm sorry I took so long to reply to you, I've been REALLY bussy lately. ;)

This is to whoever has been and is reading my book:
I'm sorry I took so long to put the second chapter here. I've been very busy lately and I promise I won't take this long with the other chapters. I'm thinking of putting a new chapter up every one-two weeks. What do you guys think?

Chapter two
The Goblin Prince
It's been five years since Autumn has been stuck in the goblin cell, with her fellow prisoners. She was first here when she was seven and now she's twelve! Though she did learn how to read, write, she learned math and history from the goblins like she would in an actual school, she still hated it there. All she did now was sit, eat, sit and sleep. That was literally it.
Autumn now had curly brown hair with dirt in it. She still had brown eyes, but they always looked black. She wore the same outfit everyday; a blue nightgown with dirt in the places it used to sparkle in the light and blue slippers with dirt and rust in the as well.

But what she didn’t know was that today was going to be different.
“Hey! Wake up!”yelled one of the goblin guards, while hitting the bars of the cell; creating an echo throughout the prison. “What time is it?” ,said Autumn rubbing her eyes and yawning from just waking up.

“It’s time for you to wake up! You got a big day today!” ,said the guard, unlocking the cell door.
“Why? All I do everyday is sleep.” Autumn nagged. “Just get up!” said the irritated guard.

They walked through the long halls of stone and finally arrived at the main hall leading to the thrones of the goblin king, queen and prince. Once she got to the end of the ripped up and dirty carpet down the hall, she bowed and said in boring tone; “Your majesties, what may I help you with, to serve your amazing and wonderful lives, to make mine amazing and wonderful like yours?”
“Thank you for asking!” ,said the goblin queen, not realizing what Autumn said was sarcasm. And at that Autumn scoffed.

The goblin queen was named Hagablin Gobline and had a pale green skin color and green eyes. She wore a yellow dress, ripped at the bottom and mud all over it. She had her hair styler have her hair in a high bun and her stone crown on top. Her hair was a dark blue color and very silky, but Autumn always liked to imagine all the bugs and nits in her hair, crawling all over.
As for the king; he was named Gorge Gobline and had dark blue skin that almost looked black, with green and purple warts. He wore a ripped, very dark purple suit with dirt on it as well. His hair was a dark green and all messed up with his stone crown on the top.
Last, but not least; the goblin prince: Prince Edwart Gobline had leafy green colored skin, with purple freckles under his eyes. He wore a suit like his father’s, but his was blue and not ripped as much. His yellow colored hair, was combed perfectly, like there was an occasion and his crown was on top of his head, in the very middle. Prince Edwart was Autumns age and he always acted like a lady killer as he would be such a gentleman to the maids and lady goblins, but he always payed attention to Autumn and was so kind to her. He was Autumns only friend, since Autumn had no idea where or how Jake was, she didn’t even remember his voice.
“Autumn, we’ve had the goblin guard bring you here today because we have an announcement for you.”said King Gorge. “Hit me.” ,said Autumn, getting more
annoyed by the second. “You are going to be getting married to Edwart!” ,announced the queen excitedly. And after she said that, Autumns eyes grew so wide that it looked like they would pop right out of her head.

“Um... no, no, no me and Edwart are friends, but I am not getting married to him!” ,said Autumn. Then the king
and queen both frowned, but the prince still smiled with a ‘I-wish-I-had-some-popcorn-look’.

“Then we’ll make a deal with you.” ,said the king. And Autumn scoffed again. “We will give you… 10.000 coins if you marry Edwart.” Autumn didn’t answer. She looked back and forth from Edwart to the king and finally answered, “No. You can’t just buy my happiness, or should I say my marriage life.”

The king, looking as angry as ever, then answered, “Very well.” And at that Autumn felt shivers go down her spine. The king was a ruthless man and he was the scariest man Autumn had ever known.

“Edwart. Walk Autumn to her cell.” said the king very slowly. “Sure.”answered the prince. He got up and moved his arm slightly to the path for Autumn to take as they walked side by side through the halls.

“Edwart?” ,said Autumn. “Yes?” ,said Edwart. “Do you really want to… um… marry me?” asked Autumn. They then stopped in the middle of one of the halls of
pictures. Edwart was looking down to avoid eye contact with Autumn. “Y...Yes.” ,Edwart said with a sigh. Autumn now, looked down at the floor too. “I’m sorry Autumn.” ,said Edwart as he lifted his head a bit. “I’m sorry for not wanting to marry you. Its just that we’re good friends and I want to keep it that-” ,said Autumn, but stopped because she heard Prince Edwart mumble something. “What?” said Autumn.
Prince Edwart sighed and said, “You’re going to have to marry me anyway.” Autumn looked confused. “I already told your dad I don't want to marry you.” she said.
“Yeah, but he’s probably going to make you get married to me anyway.” , said Edwart, slightly moving his head up more every minute.

Autumn looked angry. “Look even down that aisle, I will still say ‘I don’t!’ so I am not getting married to you and I never, ever will!” ,she yelled. Prince Edwart raised his head and looked at Autumn straight in the eye, then quickly grabbed her arm. “Look, your grandmother gave you to us! That means that we can do whatever we want to you and make you do whatever we want! So if I say ‘you’re getting married to me’, then you are getting married to me!” ,he yelled, as Autumn tried pulling her arm away.

He let go and she ran off into the halls, with tears in her eyes. Prince Edwart stood there realizing what he had just done. He then started running after her.

Autumn hid in a secret room that she found under one of the staircases as a child. As she closed the door she heard Prince Edwart run by and say, “Autumn! I’m sorry!”

Autumn crouched down and start crying. She cried and cried and cried. She then realized that she had been left twice! And both times it was her relatives that left her.

First her parents and now her grandmother. “Whats wrong with me!?” ,she screamed. And soon fell asleep, crying again like the first night she was there.

Hi Alliyah! I was just hopping over here to ask if you would be interested in an available folder! There are still some without users that are available, and if you were interested I can move this over to your new folder and you can write from there!

Rubyfirewoods12=^.^= wrote: "Hi Alliyah! I was just hopping over here to ask if you would be interested in an available folder! There are still some without users that are available, and if you were interested I can move this ..."

I would love to have a folder of my own! Thankyou so much!

:D No problem!

This is now in your folder!

There's another writing in the folder, though.

...somebody put it in there, I don't know why...I'll take that out - thanks Ella!

Rubyfirewoods12=^.^= wrote: "This is now in your folder!"
Thankyou again!

First of all....

Oh my milk and biscuits!!!!! Another chapter!!!!!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

*breathes in*

Ok - I love this so much, but I did have some thoughts when I was reading it that might help it go smoother.

1.) Her Status

Autumn has an education fit for royalty, but she is locked in a cell. I understand that you want her to be brought up with an education, and with the illusion that she's captive, but the dynamic is confusing. I'd find some sort of medium, to where you can still see the goblin control, but also the 'respect' her birthright is given. That way it makes it easier to see where Autumn stands in the goblin society. Free, but not free.

2.) Showing

Another thing that I find would make thus story better is showing. It's kind of hard for us writers, because we can feel and see the characters in our own minds, and we forget our audience doesn't know as much as we do. 'Autumn looked angry' for an example, we know what being angry is and looks like, but we don't understand why or how angry she was. So it could be something like,

'Autumn was furious that he couldn't and refused to understand what she was saying. Her eyes hardened and her lips went into a thin line. Then with as much force as she could use, willing him to understand, she said...'

Anyway, I ♥ this so much! Keep writing!

Eммelιɴe wrote: "First of all....

Oh my milk and biscuits!!!!! Another chapter!!!!!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

*breathes in*

Ok - I love this so much, but I did have some thoughts when I was reading it that might help it go ..."

Thankyou for your thoughts on how to help my book. I understand what you with both opinions and I'll think of changing some of the book. I promise that next week the next chapter will be here! I was thinking; would you like me to explain a bit of Autumn's status so you and others who read/will read this understand a bit more?

Yes, please! :-)

Chapter Three
A Good Witch
“Autumn!” said Jack, giving Autumn a hello hug. “Hi Jack! Guess what!?” ,asked little Autumn. “What!?”
“I saw new cookies in the kitchen when I was coming over! Wanna go get one!?” ,said Autumn excitedly. “No, not right now, because I found this tree and its perfect to climb! Come on!” ,said Jack, as he grabbed Autumn’s arm and pulled her to the forest, leading the way to the tree that he found.

“Wait!” cried Autumn as she stopped Jack at the edge of the forest. “Grandma says that I can’t go in the forest alone.” Jack thought about it and said, “You're technically not going alone, I’m coming with you. Hey! Let's pretend that I’m a royal guard and you're a queen and I have to protect you from harm!”
“Yeah!” said Autumn.

They walked through the dark forest, until Jack stopped in front of an overgrown tree. “What is it my royal guard?” said Autumn.

“We’re here my queen! We’re at the climbing tree!” said Jack. “Yay!” said Autumn. “Let us have a race to the top!” said Autumn, pretending to announce something like a queen. “Annnnnd… GO!” yelled Jack and they started climbing to the top.

Jack was in the lead and then Autumn caught up and they were neck and neck. The top was just a few inches and the winner was… both! It was a tie! They both sat on a branch of the tree, gulping for air. “I… totally...won.” ,said Autumn. “What… no… I… won!” ,said Jack. “We both won.” ,said Autumn.

Then they heard a noise of a twig breaking in the darkness of the forest. They both froze. “What was that?” whispered Autumn.
“I don’t know.” replied Jack. “But it sounded big.” Autumn then hid behind Jack. And they both sat there, just waiting for something to pop up and eat them.

Just then an old woman walked out of the woods. She had gray hair and a red cloak on, with brown shoes on

and a black dress. “Who… who are y...you?” ,said Jack, stuttering a little. “My name is Pemberley Greu.” ,said the woman, taking off the hoodie of the cloak. She had bright blue eyes and a wrinkle, pale face. “Now, if I may ask who are you two?” Jack looked back at Autumn to see if she wanted him to tell Pemberley who they are. Autumn shook her head no, violently.

“It’s alright children, I won’t hurt you. Just tell me your names.” reasoned Pemberley. Jack looked back at Autumn and Autumn nodded no again, but less violently. Jack turned back and said, “My name is Jack Hartley and this is my friend Autumn Sparkle.”

“Autumn Sparkle? Princess Autumn Sparkle?” asked Pemberley. Jack nodded and Pemberley bowed. “Well, its nice to meet you children.” said Pemberley. “Would like something to eat? My house is right across the stream over there.”

The children looked in the direction Pemberley was pointing at, which was South. They looked at each other and Autumn nodded her head no again, but Jack didn't

listen to her and said, “I could eat.” Jack then got down from the tree and walked to Pemberley. “Come on Autumn! Its fine! Pemberley’s harmless!” Jack said to Autumn.
“But my grandma said-” ,started Autumn, but then Jack stopped her, “It’s fine! Your grandma trusts me!” Autumn sighed and climbed down the tree and over beside Jack.

“You know Princess,” ,said Pemberley, as she started walking to her house. “Your grandmother was my best friend when I was young and I’m pretty sure she still might be.”
“You know my grandma?” ,said Autumn.
“Oh yes! We met at school in sorcery class.” ,said Pemberley.
“Wow.” said Jack. “Small world.”

They finally arrived at Pemberleys house. It was a little shack with stone walls and a hay roof. They all went inside the house. Pemberley put her cloak on the coat hook and went to the kitchen. “What would you to like to eat?” said Pemberley. “Do you have any cookies?” asked Jack.

“I sure do!” said Pemberley. “Would you like some too, princess?”
“No thank you.” ,said Autumn, as she looked around the house. She laid laid her eyes on a picture of a baby. “Is this your daughter?” ,asked Autumn pointing to the picture. Pemberley looked over at the picture while she was looking for the cookies. “No, thats my granddaughter Emily. She’s two years old right now.” said Pemberley.

“Pemberley, can I ask you something?” ,said Autumn as Pemberley sat on the couch with Jack and put a bowl of cookies out.
“Of course princess.” ,said Pemberley.
“You said that you met my grandmother in a sorcery class, so are you a fairy?” ,asked Autumn.
“Well, no.” ,said Pemberley. “I’m a witch.”
“A witch!” ,cried Autumn and Jack stopped eating his cookie and his eyes widened. “I knew we shouldn’t have came here!”
“No! I’m a good witch. I help people.” ,said Pemberley. And when she said that Jack calmed down and kept eating the cookies.

“How do I know you're not lying?” ,said Autumn, still cautious.
“Look.” said Pemberley pointing to the wall next to the door. There were hundreds, of thousands of good deed patches and ribbons and plaques. “Wow!” Autumn.
“Cool.” said Jack and he kept eating the cookies.
…
Day had turned to evening and it was time for Autumn and Jack to leave. They said goodbye to Pemberley and left.

As they walked, when they walked passed the tree that they climbed Autumn said, “Goodbye Benny!”
Jack looked confused. “Benny?” ,Jack said.
“It looks like a Benny.” ,said Autumn.
“Oh… now I see it!” ,said Jack. “Bye Benny!”
And they walked all the way home.

Eммelιɴe wrote: "Yes, please! :-)"
Ok so Autumn's status is that the Goblin King taught her everything she needs to know because he's been planning on making her marry his son since he first kidnapped her. She believes the King that her grandmother let her go because no one else has told her anything else, it was the only thing she had.
She's not exactly free though in the Goblin Kingdom. She's aloud outside the castle. She's aloud to play anywhere in the castle as long as a guard or the Goblin Prince is with her. The Goblin King is only letting her play with the Prince so that they get a friendship relationship, so when they get married it won't be like he's forcing her to marry him... You know what I mean? That's partially her status in the Goblin Kingdom. If you have any more questions on anything please ask too. (Also I'd love to hear more of your ideas!) Chapter Four's coming next week!

I LOVE THE STORY!

Also, I see that you're working on showing NOT telling for the story. I'm working on that and the details.

Shine & Loki & Me & Kahmunrah wrote: "I LOVE THE STORY!

Also, I see that you're working on showing NOT telling for the story. I'm working on that and the details."

Thankyou! And by the way, a new chapter comes out every week if you would like to keep reading it.

Love the story! Keep writing!

Rubyfirewoods12=^.^= wrote: "Love the story! Keep writing!"

Thankyou! I am so happy that people are actually likeing my book. I was so worried about posting it before!

Haha, well, you shouldn't have been!

Chapter Four
A Story Will Make It Clear
Jack pulled his heavy bags up the stairs to the room he stayed in when he was there. He hulled his bags to the end of the hallway of rooms to his and plumped them on the floor beside the door of the room.

“So? Do you remember?” ,said his grandmother, who was right behind him the whole way up. Jack looked up at her and said, “No gran. Sorry, but who is Autumn?”

Jack then sat on the bed in the room and brought out his phone from his pocket. His grandmother came over and sat beside him on the bed. “I’m glad that you didn’t ask ‘remember what?’ again” said his grandmother, then she looked at his phone. His background photo was a picture of his locket open showing the picture of the little girl and his parents.
“I’m just tired of saying it.” said Jack.

His grandmother, still smiling got up and sat on the desk chair and said, “You really want to know who Autumn is and why you need to remember her?” Jack looked up at his grandmother in awe. He was finally going to know the truth.
“Ok, well if I’m going to tell you, then I need to see your locket.” ,said his grandmother. Jack quickly took out the locket out of his backpack and gave it to her. She opened it and said, “This little girl. What do you remember about her?”
Jack thought hard about it, but all he got was the letter A again. “All I remember is the letter A. Why? Is she like my sister?” answered Jack.
“No, she’s not your sister. She’s Autumn.” , said his grandmother, as she gave the locket back to Jack. He looked at the girl and repeated her name; “Autumn.”

Then, Jack got some sort of vision; it was him and Autumn and they were climbing a tree and laughing and carving names into the tree and behind them was a beautiful golden castle. Jack quickly grabbed his head in pain.

“Oww!”
“What did you see?” ,asked his grandmother. He put his hand down and looked at the picture of Autumn. “It was a memory. Of… me and Autumn climbing a tree and laughing and there was a… castle, a golden castle behind us! I dont know I think I might be going crazy!” said Jack.
“No.” said his grandmother. “You're just accepting the truth.”

They sat there in silence for a moment. Jack was trying to calm down from that memory and his grandmother was trying to remember her story.

“Anyway,” ,said his grandmother. “story time! Once upon a time there was a little girl and a little boy. They were best friends and they would do everything together. One day a war started and they were separated. The little girl had gotten kidnapped and the boy was taken somewhere safe. The boy had to be adopted by another family and had forgotten all about the little girl and his real family. The little girl had to live in a prison and was going to get married, but ran away. The boy had lived in happiness with his new family, but as for the girl; she lived in pain and darkness alone in the woods without a family. Jack, can you guess who the little boy was?”
Jack looked at his grandmother and replied, “Me?” his grandmother nodded her head up and down.
“And can you guess who the little girl was?” ,asked his grandmother. “Autumn?” ,answered Jack sounding uncertain.
“Unfortunately,” ,said his grandmother with a sigh. “yes she is Autumn. You too were the best of friends. I can’t believed how much she’s changed.”

Jack looked confused. He thought about it real hard, but didn’t get it. Why was there a castle in my memory? ,he thought. “Gran why unfortunately?” ,he asked.
“Did you not here what I said? She lives in the woods for heaven's sake! She’s wanted in many kingdoms for thievery, just to stay alive! She’s been left in her grandmother's care, because her parents left her! With nothing!” ,yelled Jack’s grandmother, as she sat up from the chair.
“What’s going on?” ,said Emily, poking her head out of the doorway.

“Oh nothing dear, just having a talk with Jack.” ,said their grandmother, cheerfully.
“Ok…” ,said Emily suspiciously, as she closed her door. Jack’s grandmother closed the door right away after Emily had closed hers. Jack was leaned up against the wall close to the bed, all hairs down his neck sticking up and goosebumps on his arms.

“Sorry for yelling Jack. Its just that Autumn has been through so much.” ,said his grandmother, sitting back down on the chair. Jack loosened up and sat back on the tip of the bed.
“Its okay gran, I see why you would get mad about it.” ,said Jack. “I mean you did just say her parents left her alone. But there's one thing you said that I don’t get.”
“What might be that?” ,said his grandmother.
“You said that she was wanted in many… uh… kingdoms, but there are no kingdoms.” ,said Jack.

His grandmother's smile came back. “ Did your parents ever tell you how you were adopted?” ,she asked. Jack thought about it and surprisingly no; they hadn’t told him. “No, I dont think so.” ,he said.

“Oh… then that story should be saved for later.” ,said his grandmother and she walked out of the room, leaving Jack with more questions than ever.

Nice!

Chapter Five
No Goodbye But Hi

“Get her!” ,yelled one of the guards, as he rode passed a group of guards. They all started running after the girl.
“Hie! Hie!” ,yelled the guards to the horses and they zoomed passed all the houses of the town.

“Go Fire! Go!” ,yelled the girl to her horse. The horse went faster and faster. They finally got to the forest and went straight into it, with all five guards behind them. “Go to the cabin Fire!” , yelled the girl to her horse again. The horse nodded still running.

The horse and the girl rushed passed a giant tree, still with the guards on their tails. And they came to a stream, there was no bridge, but they didn’t stop. When they go to the edge, the horse jumped and… landed! Safely on the other side and still ran. The guards got to the stream, but the horses didn’t jump, they stopped right before falling in, catching a glimpse of the face of the young girl looking back at them.

She had a smile on her face, brown eyes almost that almost could be mistaken as black and curly hair with dirt in it and a little scare on her cheek.

One of the guards couldn’t believe what he saw. He was the general of the guards; John Hartley. When he saw the face of the young girl, he knew exactly who it was; Autumn! “Autumn?” ,he whispered to himself. But he didn’t need someone to answer it for him.

He kicked his horse and the horse jumped right over the stream running off faster than ever, racing after what could be Autumn. They ran and ran and ran and finally saw Autumn.

Autumn heard the galloping of another horse and looked behind her. “Stop!” ,she yelled and her horse stopped and turned to face him. “Mr Hartley?” ,she said. John looked at her unsure and replied, “Autumn?” She smiled sadly and said, “Yes its me.”

Her horse was agitated and started moving around. “Who is this guy?” ,the horse said. John was startled. A talking horse!
“Fire, this is Jack’s father. Mr Hartley, this is my horse; Soul Fire.”

The horse had white skin with what looked like black socks on her legs and had black hair, with bright baby blue eyes. She also had a horn on the tip of her head with a sharp end.

“I’m not a horse!” ,Soul Fire said offensively. “I’m a unicorn!”
“Sorry.” ,said Autumn. “So, Mr Hartley… hows um… Jack? If I should ask.” Autumn put her head down. She knew she was a pretty horrible friend for not even seeing Jack. She didn’t even know if they were friends.

“I don’t know.” ,said John. “I haven’t seen him since The Goblin War began. By the way, where were y-”
“There over there!” ,called a guard from the trees. “No.” ,said Autumn. “Mr Hartley you can’t take me back!

Please!” Soul Fire began stepping back getting ready to run as fast as she could.
“I won’t I promise.” ,said John. Then the guards came out. “Grab her!” ,said one of the guards.
“We’re taking you to jail!” ,said another one, while grabbing her hands and putting handcuffs on them. “No.” ,said John and all the guards paused. “We’re
taking her to the Fairy Kingdom.”
“No!” ,screamed Autumn. “No! That’s worse! No! No!”
…
It's been a few hours since they had started for the Fairy Kingdom. Autumn had finished screaming an hour after they left.

“Mr Hartley?” ,said Autumn and Soul Fire galloped closer to him, so Autumn could see his face.
“Yes?” ,said John, keeping his head up and watching for anything in the forest.
“You said that you hadn’t seen Jack since the war. Where did he go?” ,she asked. Hartley looked over at her. Her eyes were filled with tears, getting ready to hear that Jack didn’t make it. That he died.

“Before the war had begun, your grandmother told us that it might start soon and that she had a safe place to
put Jack for the war and he could come back in five years. We agreed to it and he never came back.” ,John was expecting her to cry after what he just said, but when he looked back at her she looked mad.

My grandmother lost Jack!” ,she said, grinding her teeth. “First she gives me away and then she loses Jack!?”
“What do you mean?” ,said John. Autumn looked down at her hands in the handcuffs. She was about to begin when one of the soldiers announced; “We’re here! At the Fairy Kingdom!”

Autumn and John looked up at the beautiful, golden palace. Autumn sighed as the guards pulled her up the steps to the castle. Two of the front guards gasped, as they saw Autumn come up the steps. “Hi Frank, hi Lambert.” ,said Autumn to the guards, she knew as a child and still remembered their names.

She walked through the door and there, sitting on her throne talking to General Markham, was her Grandmother; Queen Petunia Sparkle. “My queen.”
36
,said John, bowing. The queen turned and so did General Markham and they both gasped. “Autumn?” ,the queen whispered.
“Ya, it’s me. Big deal.” ,said Autumn, somehow already annoyed by her grandmother even though she’d only said one thing.

Petunia had a weird look on her face. She didn’t understand why Autumn seemed mad, or was. Petunia slowly got up from her chair and walked up to Autumn and stood right in front of her. Petunia saw the scar on her cheek and wondered what it was, but before she asked she hugged Autumn and started to cry. “Oh Autumn. Where have you been?” ,said Petunia.

“Shouldn’t you know?” ,said Autumn, still annoyed. Petunia stopped hugging Autumn and had a confused look on her face.
“What do you mean? You’ve been gone for eight years now.” ,said Petunia.
“I’ve been gone because you gave me away! At least that's what the goblins said and I was forced to believe


37
them cause nobody else was there to tell me a different explanation!” ,yelled Autumn. “So that’s what I believe… and I will never forgive you for it.”

Everything was silent. The guards gasped at what she said, but they didn’t say anything. Petunia stared at Autumn angrily. General Markham stared at Petunia and Autumn, waiting to see what would happen.

“Guards. Take Autumn to her room and lock the door when you leave.” ,said Petunia, very slowly. The guards took Autumn by the arms and took her to her room.

“Where did you find her, John?” ,asked Petunia.
“She was trying to steal food from a market and she ran on a horse I caught up to her and my other men came and grabbed her. She’s known as a wanted thief in the kingdom.” ,said John Hartley.
“Do you know why she had that scar on her face?” ,asked Petunia. John looked at his men and they shook their heads, meaning that they didn’t do it.
“My men say that they didn't do it. It could have been the goblins. You know how King Gorge is.” ,said John.

The queen shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe those horrible goblins would tell her I gave her away. I would never do such a thing.” ,she said. “I could never imagine how she felt.”
“Well, I must go Petunia. The king and queen await for their general.” ,said John. The queen nodded her head and thanked John for finding Autumn and John rode off with his men following behind.

The queen turned back to General Markham and said, “Do you mind checking on Autumn for me? I know that she wants nothing to do with me.” General Markham nodded his head and went to check.

The queen went back to her throne and sat down, just when she heard, “My queen! You must come see this!” Queen Petunia got up from her throne and ran to the grand hall and up the stairs to find General Markham standing in front of two dead soldiers. The two who were supposed to take Autumn to her room. The queen ran to Autumn’s room and looked out the window to see Autumn riding Soul Fire to the woods. “General Markham! Send out the guards! I can’t lose her again!”

Oooooooh!

Chapter Six
The Memories Back
“Come on Autumn just try!” ,said Jack. “I am!” ,replied Autumn. She shut her eyes as hard as she could and concentrated on the cookie in the cookie jar. The cookie jar lid flew off and Jack gasped. “Autumn, open your eyes!” Autumn opened them and-

Jack woke up in his grandmother's guest bed and felt a horrible pain in his head. “Oww…” ,he whispered to himself. He picked up his phone from the dresser beside the bed and it was 1:24 A.M. “Jeez.” ,said Jack.

As Jack walked into the kitchen to see his grandmother making breakfast. “Gran? Why are you up so early?” His grandmother looked behind her shoulder to see Jack. “I always wake up this early.” ,replied. “The question is; why are you up?” Jack's grandmother turned around to look at him with a smile.

Jack took a seat at the table and sighed. “I don’t know. I had this… dream.”
“Was Autumn in it?” ,she asked. Jack looked up at his grandmother and nodded his head: yes. “Ok, Jack I need you to tell me the dream with every detail.” ,said his grandmother. Jack nodded his head again and thought as hard as he could back to the dream.

“It was me and Autumn in a… kitchen, we were at least five years old or so. I was telling her to try harder and then she said ‘I am!’ and she closed her eyes hard and-”
“Autumn, you opened it!” ,said Jack. “I did… I did! Yes!” ,Autumn screamed, while jumping around happily. “Ok now try and lift the cookie from the jar.” ,said Jack. So Autumn concentrated on the-


“Ahhhoww!” ,Jack cried grabbing his head. “What did you see?” ,asked his grandmother. Jack finished grabbing his head and opened his eyes again. “We… we were in the kitchen again. It was the same memory, but the rest of it. Though I didn’t finish it. Autumn had opened this cookie jar. She jumped happily cause she had opened it and we were so excited!” ,Jack grinned as he said that, but then the grin left to a frown. “How had she opened the jar without her hands?” ,he asked.

His grandmother's smile left and she answered, “Jack you need to know there’s a whole other world out there and that’s where Autumn is. A whole other world with fairies and witches, and goblins, and queens and kings. Autumn is a fairy. Well to be honest the Fairy Princess.”

Jack stared at her like she was crazy. ‘A whole other world?’ ,he thought. ‘Thats impossible.’ His grandmother saw the look and sat down at the table with him. “Jack you’re from that world. You were born there. Your real parents are there.” ,she said. Jack gave her the look again, but then his head started pounding!

“Jack! It’s time to come home!” ,called Jack’s real mother. “I’ll be there in a second! I’m so close to beating Autumn at cards!” ,Jack yelled back. His mother smiled and said “Alright, but don’t take too long!”
“We won’t!” ,Autumn yelled back. “Cause I just won.” Autumn put one of her cards down and it was a winner! “No way! I was just about to win! If only I hadn’t played with a.. cheater!” ,Jack said, as he grabbed Autumn’s arm and they rolled down the hill laughing and screaming joyfully.

When they got to the bottom of the hill they sat up and started laughing and laughing. Jack was the first to get up, then he helped Autumn get up. “Thanks Jack.” ,said Autumn. They then heard a-.

“Ahhh!” ,Jack screamed again in pain. “Jack you can’t fight it. You’re seeing the memories for a reason, so you know what you need to know when you get back.” ,said his grandmother. Jack let go of his head and calmed down. “If you calm down a bit and let the memories come, than it won’t hurt.” ,said jack’s grandmother. Jack breathed in and out and then laughed.

The laugh took his grandmother by surprise. “Gran I think your mind is going. There’s no such thing as another world” ,Jack said. His grandmother sighed. Then she stood up and asked, “What is something that you desire to see or have?” Jack looked down at the table then back at her. “My parents. My real parents.” ,he said.

His grandmother held out a hand and then spun it in a circle and a mirror appeared out of thin air. She turned the mirror around to look at Jack. His mouth has hanging down from what he just saw. He looked in the mirror and there in it were two people sleeping. “Jack these are your real parents; Mabel and John Hartley.”

Jack just stared at the sight of his parents sleeping. “Do you believe me now Jack?” Jack looked up at his grandmother, mouth still open and nodded his head. He felt a rush go through his body and then he saw memories and memories, and memories of his life that he hadn’t remembered before.

I just want to say that next week I might not have the seventh chapter because I am currently trying to write it and the chapter's taking longer then I thought it would take. My apoligies if the seventh chapter's not here next week

Take your time! Writing can't always be as planned. And in the meantime, I'll try to read this. It seems interesting! :) So don't apologize!

Hi! I am loving read your book. I like to write too. Your story is similary The lord of rings... I hope Jack and Autumn can be together. I think that they meant to be... They look like soulmates. I am entusiasmic about the ending. Congratulations! You are a very imaginative person.

Sara wrote: "Hi! I am loving read your book. I like to write too. Your story is similary The lord of rings... I hope Jack and Autumn can be together. I think that they meant to be... They look like soulmates. I..."

Thankyou very much for sayin that! Really I got my idea for this book from reading The Land Of Stories series by Chris Colfer. Though I do like Lord Of The Rings too. Also I'm glad that you like my book! I'll see if I can start reading your book if you like!

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Take your time! Writing can't always be as planned. And in the meantime, I'll try to read this. It seems interesting! :) So don't apologize!"

Thanks for saying that! Writing is pretty hard sometimes! And thankyou for reading my book! I hope it is interesting to you!

Well, imagine what authors such as J.K Rowling and Rick Riordan go through - must be the toughest! I'm sure it will be! :)

My reaction in the prologue: OMIGOD, JUST LIKE ONCE UPON A TIME! OMG! OMG!

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "My reaction in the prologue: OMIGOD, JUST LIKE ONCE UPON A TIME! OMG! OMG!"

I see that you like when storys start with Once Upon A Time huh?

Um, no. I said just like Once Upon a Time. There's a show called Once Upon a Time, and the beginning has something that's just like in the show.

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Um, no. I said just like Once Upon a Time. There's a show called Once Upon a Time, and the beginning has something that's just like in the show."

Oh I know what you mean. I watch Once Upon A Time too! I'm only on the fourth season tho (The season with Elsa)

Really? I think I asked you once, and you said you didn't watch it.

Chapter Seven
The curse
“What do you mean you lost her!?” ,yelled the goblin king. “I’m sorry dad. We were in the hall and then she ran off and disappeared out of thin air.” ,said Prince Edwart. “Whatever.” ,said the goblin king. “Guards! Get me the locket!” The goblin guards went into a room and came back out with a golden locket. “Father I still don’t understand why we keep that locket.” ,said Prince Edwart.

The king took the locket and opened it. Inside there were two pictures; a picture of Jack and a picture of Queen Petunia, but she wasn’t alone. There were two other royals; Princess Summer and Prince Chance. They were Autumn’s parents. Princess Summer had wavy brown hair and had green eyes, she wore a purple and gold dress and had a golden crown with green and purple diamond and jewels on it. Prince Chance had thick brown hair that almost looked black and copper brown eyes, he wore a gold and white suit with a red cape and wore a golden crown with blue diamonds on it.

The Goblin King had found Autumn wearing the locket when they first arrived and they took it for good use and now they need it. The king smiled and said to his son, “Edwart, my son, do not worry. It’s okay that you let Autumn getaway. I’ve been dying to use this curse and now I can.” The prince looked confused, worried and scared all in one, but he also felt like he was betraying Autumn. He knew how heartless his father was and whatever the curse was, it most likely wasn’t good.

He’d always had a little school boy crush on Autumn and he didn’t want her to get hurt. Autumn had always been so nice to him. She’d never yell at him, she’d never get mad at him or given him attitude. Well she’d never done all that besides that day. He’d felt so bad when she yelled at him and when he’d made her run away from him.

The king could still see that his son was worried so he said, “I promise my son that you will marry Autumn. Even if we have to make her say ‘I do’.” The prince gulped and he could feel the worry and betray molding up into a ball in his throat. “You're not going to hurt her, right?” ,asked the prince. The king gave him a devious smile and responded, “Why don’t you go study some more in your room, Edwart?” Edwart nodded and left the room, now he was really afraid of what would happen to Autumn.

The king got up and went to his lab. The lab was a secret room hidden behind a bookcase. It was a room made of a black stone. In it there were magic books lying around and bottles, bowls, cups and vases filled with potions and limbs and all sorts of various materials. And in the middle of the room was a fireplace with green fire and on top of it, a cauldron with a greenish, yellowish substance.

The king placed the locket in the cauldron and went around gathering other materials and putting them in the cauldron. Like a griffin feather, a fairy tear, a page of a old book of magic and an eye of a wise owl. When all the ingredients were in the cauldron, the king mumbled a few words of a spell and the locket came rising up from the cauldron. It looked the same except for the greenish, moldy texter now on it.

The king snatched the locket from the air and put on an evil grin. “I’ll find princess and when I do, you are going to wish you never ran away.” ,said the King blaring his yellow, rotten teeth at the locket.

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Really? I think I asked you once, and you said you didn't watch it."

Weird because I do, but I only watch the seasons and episodes on Netflex because I don't have the channel where the put it on, on tv

Oh yeah, it's not on Netflix yet. I used to watch it on Netflix before season 4, but I caught up and started watching on CTV.

Anyways, yeah, did you get the idea of the safe place from Once?

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Oh yeah, it's not on Netflix yet. I used to watch it on Netflix before season 4, but I caught up and started watching on CTV.

Anyways, yeah, did you get the idea of the safe place from Once?"

No I started this book before Istarted watching Once Upon A Time