Perspective Plus discussion

I know the big V-day is coming and that for many of us, this may be the most painful holiday of the year. In this Noah's Ark world,we are made to feel inferior if we do not have a mate, which some of us do by choice and others are by circumstance. For years I loathed the day because I had no one to share the day, or any other day for that matter, who loved me, showed me love or told me in little ways that I was special to them.

Many of us have had our hearts broken by this day as candy is shoved at us from all directions,co-workers get flowers at work and you just KNOW that they are sending you pitying looks because you're alone. Various places offer 2 for 1 deals and you MUST have 2 people for the deal to work, but all of your friends are out with their mates so you are all alone AGAIN....

See, just because I am currently in a loving relationship doesn't mean that I've forgotten what it's like. Jewelry commercials don't help anybody. They either make you feel bad because you don't have somebody in your life to give you any or if you are in a relationship, make you feel bad because you didn't get any. (If he goes to Jared, it will be nasally fitted just because they have THE most annoying commercials!)

Now, for those of you who are without, do not despair, Auntie has a few tips for you.

1) Go out and treat yourself to a nice day at the salon/spa/coffee shop/book store/ what ever is your special treat.

2) Take yourself out on a date. You are your best choice for a date. You know what you like, where you want to eat and what movies you like.

3) PUT THE CANDY DOWN AND WALK AWAY!

4) I MEAN IT! PUT THE CANDY DOWN!

5) Find other single friends and have an anti-Valentines Day party. No red food, no romantic comedies, no love songs, nothing that smacks of the holiday.

6) REMEMBER YOU ARE WORTHWHILE AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

7) You do not HAVE to be with someone to be you.

I know that this hard to hear for some and choir loft to others. I know how I felt all those years when I didn't have a person to share with. It was lonely, hard, sucked greatly, and it was rough. I got at least, love from the kids I watched they helped to remind me that I was indeed special (to them, mostly because I can reach the cookies)and that life is what I was making it.

We can't stop the holidays from happening, but we can change how we react to them. If you know someone who is alone, take them out with you. Be a friend couple for the day and show each other the love of companionship. If you can, volunteer at an animal shelter. They need your love so very much. There are plenty of others who will welcome your love and affection and will see you as the special wonderful person you truly are.

You are you and you are wonderful.

For those of you in a relationship,it can almost be as bad. There are pitfalls even for those in relationships. How big a box of candy do you get, lest insult ensue? Do you get candy at all if their on a diet? Do you get flowers? What do you get? How big a bouquet? Or a single rose? Fancy undies? Aforementioned jewelry? Nothing? It's overwhelming and high pressure.

Let me lay it out for you. If your partner grooves on the fancy undies, then get them a nice (nicer than they would buy themselves) set but not what YOU want to see them in, but what will make THEM feel good about themselves. Fancy undies are about fantasy, but you can hurt feelings with implied expectations.

If your mate is watching their sugar intake, ASK if they want candy for V-day or would they prefer something else. Put it nicely, like, "Honey, I know that you are trying not to eat candy right now, so I was wondering if you would like something else instead for Valentines Day that would be as nice, but not tempt you."

If your mate loves flowers, then by all means suck it up and order from a nice florist! NO drug store/gas station bouquets! NO cheesy "velvet" roses from a street vendor. SUCK IT UP and DO IT RIGHT! If you can only afford one flower,then make it their favorite.

And for crying out loud, this doesn't sneak up on you, so go get a NICE card early on, DO NOT WAIT UNTIL FEB.14!

Gifts should be meaningful and show your mate how you feel about them. Sometimes a nice homemade meal or a nice batch of homemade cookies are all you need to tell your mate that you love them. For some, just doing the dishes, or straightening up is all they need. Feeding the kids or even better yet, arranging a child free evening may be all it takes to show your mate how you feel about them.

Keep it simple but keep it filled with love.