Write it up discussion

Cool! Looking forward to it!

I like how you used pictures to give clues of some of his background. I wouldn't recommend a lot of pictures or readers wouldn't see it it as a book. But in the beginning it's good because it draws them into the story.

Pretty good, it keeps enough interest and readers wondering what will happen next.

Watch your tenses. it seems to skip back and fourth between past and present. Pick a tense and stick to it or it get confusing.

Here's just one I found: 'I, then, stepped into Divison Hall. Where all the Divisions meet up. In the center, there is an elevator to the plaza.'

Hmmm.... just my opinion but maybe you should find a way to make that more clear to other readers.

No major problems I caught. Keep it up!

That's okay. I shouldn't be on here either.

You're awesome at keeping interest and readers on edge, I've got to say that.

Looks good!