Debate discussion

So, I'm writing a persuasive essay about why gum should be allowed in schools. I haven't finished it yet but I'm hoping you guys will go over it and tell me what I can improve on and such. Great thanks! And it would be better if you guys did it quickly, since the paper is dues tomorrow XD I procrastinate.

I'd be glad to :)

Yayerz!!!!

Okay this is what I have so far, without revision or the other parts finished:

Gum has many benefits. Gum can help teeth health, gum can keep you more focused, and gum chewing in school is just a privilege everyone deserves to have. Gum isn’t messy and can easily be disposed of. I believe that allowing gum to be chewed in school can also cause attraction from 5th graders. If they find that we can chew gum and other schools can’t than they can also think this school allows teens to make their own choices in life and just that they have more freedom. This does not mean that they will start doing illegal things, only that they will respect the school more.

People will stick gum under the desks but the rate of gum under desks will only increase a small amount, if any amount at all. In 1880 all the way through 1973, abortions were illegal. The rate of abortion per year before 1880 was 1.2 million. The illegal abortion rate that happened in 1880-1973 was 1.2 million per year. The rate stayed exactly the same; people just got it done illegally. It’s the exact same case with gum, just because the Kenmore staff have made it against the rules to chew gum doesn’t mean people are going to stop doing it.

((The second paragraph isn't finished.))

"Gum can help teeth health, gum can keep you more focused, and gum chewing in school is just a privilege everyone deserves to have."

You're being repetitive here. Remove the multiple words of 'gum'.

"If they find that we can chew gum and other schools can’t than they can also think this school allows teens to make their own choices in life and just that they have more freedom."

Add 'For example' and lowercase the I in If.

"If they find that we can chew gum and other schools can’t than they can also think this school allows teens to make their own choices in life and just that they have more freedom."

Remove And just that they. Change "they can also think" to "they may start to think"

" In 1880 all the way through 1973, abortions were illegal. The rate of abortion per year before 1880 was 1.2 million. The illegal abortion rate that happened in 1880-1973 was 1.2 million per year."

Add 'For example' and change "that happened" to "performed in"

"It’s the exact same case with gum,"

Change the comma to a period and capitalize the next letter.




Otherwise, it's pretty good so far.

Thanks, I'll add more when I have it.

Yep, no problem.

Gum has many benefits. Gum can help teeth health, keep you more focused, and is just a privilege everyone deserves to have. Gum isn’t messy and can easily be disposed of. It’s cheap and easily available; it also lasts for a while. So why are we denied the chewing of gum?

People will stick gum under the desks but the rate of gum under desks will only increase a small amount, if any amount at all. For example, in 1880 all the way through 1973, abortions were illegal. The rate of abortion per year before 1880 was 1.2 million. The illegal abortion rate preformed in 1880-1973 was 1.2 million per year. The rate stayed exactly the same; people just got it done illegally. It’s the exact same case with gum. Just because the Kenmore staff have made it against the rules to chew gum doesn’t mean people are going to stop doing it. In fact, teens tend to like to rebel against authority. It gives them a sense of freedom and ability to make their own decisions. Or their disobedience gives them a sense of “cool”. So really, not allowing them to do something only makes them want to do it more.

Saliva remineralises the enamel, which helps teeth a lot. Enamel is the protective coating of a crown of a tooth. It helps against tooth decay. There is a very good way in which you can generate greater amounts of saliva, and that is through chewing. So, the chewing of sugar free gum can help teeth, along with fresher breath and whiten teeth.

Gum has been proven by many different psychiatrists to help your memory and help you concentrate. Studies from Dr. Kenneth Allen have shown that students who chewed gum during a written exam did better by about half a grade than the ones who did not. Gum chewing causes the blood flow to increase, which gives oxygen and glucose to the brain and helps the memory.

Gum has been proven to help students and adults. So why not allow us to chew gum in school? Because of the possibility of getting it stuck under desks and stuck to the floor? But it won’t get stuck anymore than it does now. We could improve test scores and help out mouths. There are no cons with this, only pros.



Okay so I revised the 1st paragraph when I remembered something, my school goes by lottery, so it's stupid to encourage more students, since we already have maximum capacity.

That is actually really good. The only thing I'd suggest you change quickly is "Gum can help teeth health," to be changed to "Gum can help with teeth maintenance"

i might say beging with a hook.

Say something about how student's self esteem would improve because they wouldn't have smelly breath, and how they would get to school on time without having to brush their teeth in the morning. Say they could make more money by putting in a gum machine. :D stuff like that.

Part of it, the part about saliva and enamle, is very scientific and presented well, but a few other parts change the tone. I think you want the essay to be more scientific than friendly, right? I would change some of the speech around. For example, "Gum keeps you more focused" as opposed to "The chewing of gum keeps one focused for longer periods of time". Or if you are going for a more friendly essay, change the scientific findings around to make them sound lighter and easy to comprehend.

I like it so far.

"There are no cons with this, only pros."

Actually, with about every debate there are pros and cons. I would take that out and think of the cons and write a few paragraphs rebutting possible cons to make your paper consider the other side of things and not be too one-sided. Acknowledge that there are costs and benefits but show how costs outweigh benefits.

Thanks guys! Well, my paper was due Friday so sorry... But my teacher allows you to turn it in again after he grades them. So I can't put it in immediately but I can put them in later.

Are you serious? That's exactly like my school. Exactly.

Guess what guys! I have another essay ready for you! Get out your red pens and prepare!

Pearl Harbor happened a while back but it still very much affects us today. The bombing might have even been for the better, but nobody can predict a precise “if”. All we can be sure about is that life would be completely different, ranging from just having to pay a little taxes all the way to U.S.A. being part of the Holocaust, though the second one is unlikely.







I don't know what to put as the last sentence. This is the 1st paragraph in my essay on Pearl Harbor and how it affected people, battles, and the outcome of the war.

On December 7th, 1941 U.S.A. was in a neutral state during WWII, which would all soon change. Earlier in WWII Japan tried to trade with the U.S.A. for oil, the U.S.A. refused to trade with Japan and manufactured supplied for England, the Axis enemy. Japan knew that even though the U.S.A. was trying to be neutral, it didn’t favor the Axis. The Japanese army was worried that U.S.A’s navy would begin to strike Japan. Japan came up with an idea, to weaken U.S.A’s navy force in the Pacific. They would bomb the major US Naval Base on the bottom of Oahu, Hawaii. They would bomb Pearl Harbor.

I also think I might add this picture

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia...

I hate gum..Sorry..

The second part. About Pearl Harbor.

Ohs, hmm, good so far, look over the first paragraph and re-word though, you may want to be a little extreme as it is your hook.

Well, okay thanks.

I know, I'm not good at this, because I don't want to sound like an asshole, that corrects stuff, that doesn't need it.

...

No, correct things. I don't get hurt easily. I'm harder than a rock.

Oh yeah.

I'm sure you are.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I'm a jackass...

'all the way to the U.S taking part in the Holacaust, even if that may seem more unlikely.'

Thanks, continue.

'Manfactured supllies for England.'

'Pearl Harbor may seem far in the past' as the opening sentance

'But nobody can precisley know if is was' MAybe not that one, but I don't like that setnance up there .

you may stay on topic more or that is what my stupid teacher would say...the abortion thing would make her mad...but you do what you want...i am not sure what you think that my help is worth

Oh, haha, about the second thing, Pear Harbor.

to me or someone else???

you

On December 6th the U.S.A. intercepts a telegraph from the Japanese army that was supposed to be sent to the Japanese Empire. It said that Japan was going to attack a place located in the Pacific. The Americans assumed it was going to be in Southeast Asia. They didn’t take any action. Later, on December 7th U.S.A. intercepted another Japanese message. From this message U.S.A. is able to realize the targeted place is Pearl Harbor. They send out a warning message but it is received 4 hours after the first bomb is dropped.

this i know but what does that have to do with anything...but it is true...you correct me on my grammar so...i wasn't sure...but i assure you i am a fairly talented writer...even if it doesn't seem like it on here

'In this message it was clearer that the targeted place was on U.S land and was Pearl Harbour.'

'They sent out..'

It's an essay reading topic... I posted that because it was part of my essay. And if you feel the need to correct me on my grammar here than do so. I would appreciate it.

what

"'They sent out..'"

Sorry, typo.

S[4Sara:]who loves taylor lautner wrote: "what"

Honestly, I don't know. I had no idea what you were replying to so I replied to it, even though I wasn't sure what to reply to. Sorry.

oh i should have clarified...i meant marley...sorry

What, I'm correcting and editing, which is what the topic is for, Let's go Sara, use ur noggin..

*tries to hide a snicker*

At 7:53 AM the first bomb is dropped on Pearl Harbor. The battle raged on for 2 hours. In the end 2,403 Americans died, along with 64 Japanese. American ships were in ruins and a few Japanese planes were at the bottom of the Pacific. The damage was terrible. When Americans heard about the attack they were outraged. Soon, Americans were volunteering for the army in swarms. America did the only thing it could, declare war on Japan. The rest of the Axis powers soon declared war on America.

So, basically... I had to write a letter to my principle about why he shouldn't take intensified English out of my school program. Well here it is!


Dear *principle name,

I was aware that you want to take the intensified English program out of *school name. I dislike this idea. Intensified English is important to the students and the teachers. When teachers have 20-30 students in the room with different intellectual development and abilities, it’s difficult to give them all a good education. Not that the ones not in intensified English are dumb, but they can’t learn as fast as the others, go as quick a pace. A teacher would have to work at a medium, and having a medium would mean that the ones who should be intensified English would not learn as much, if anything at all, and the ones who shouldn’t be in intensified English would have a very hard time keeping up. I know from personal experience that if you are put into a class that goes too slow for you, your grades actually drops. You get so bored in the classroom so you begin to slack off and not pay attention to anything. When I was put into normal English and Reading in 6th grade I got A’s and B’s. Now, in intensified English I get straight A’s. I like all of my English and Reading teachers the same, and I think that they are all good teachers, so it couldn’t be their teaching that caused my grades to drop. The same case that I experienced in 6th grade is not the only one at Kenmore. Loads of other students had the same dilemma. Putting everyone in the same level of English class will affect many grades, and put more work on the already hard working teachers.

Sincerely, *my name


*private

I like it. People learn at different times, so they should have levels for that.

((I have a couple essays in my writings, if anyone cares. :)))

hi everyone, there is this thing at my school for the pentathlon (ancient greek thing sports thing in case you didn't know) and there's a competition for who gets to read their ode for the day and just tell me what you think of mine:

On this day, this sacred day, I pray that Zeus may hold the javelins that soar through the air like graceful birds of pray without wings. That he may hold the discus, allowing it to slice through the air with awe-inspiring strength. That Apollo may ride his golden chariot, breaking through the clouds and giving us light and warmth. That Hermes may grant us with speed to guide us round the track. That Hades may keep the earth firm so that our feet may land with spectacular finality. That Athena may fill our heads with knowledge to guide our hands. Oh beings so divine, accept my prayers.