Ask Lucinda Rosenfeld - Friday, March 29th! discussion

Welcome to the group! Lucinda will be answering questions on Friday, March 29th! In the meantime if you have a question for Lucinda or just want to introduce yourself feel free to do so in this thread.

Hello,
I have noticed with a common theme of some of your books. You write about the close bond between friends and families that includes a dark side of competition and criticism. What inspires you to include the "not so nice" part of interacting with other people?
Thanks,
Rachel

Has being a mom to daughters made you see sisterhood in a different way? Could you have written this book if you didn't have daughters?

Rachel wrote: "Hello,
I have noticed with a common theme of some of your books. You write about the close bond between friends and families that includes a dark side of competition and criticism. What inspire..."

Hi Rachel. Thanks for your question. You're right--I do have a tendency to highlight the darker side of relationships between women. The irony is that I have very close relationships with my female friends (and, give or take a few bumps in the road, my sisters)! However, over the years, I've also had some friendships that turned extremely toxic. I suppose I felt wounded by those events and also fascinated by how the intimacy we shared could be erased so quickly and seemingly for no reason. More generally, i became interested in how female-to-female non-romantic relationships, whether between friends colleagues or sisters, seemed to have a logic of their own and an intensity that wasn't often talked or written about. Most portraits of sisters or female friends tend to highlight the bonding aspects. Which is fine. But it seems to me there are often less attractive dynamics at work in those relationships, as well. Envy and competition can play as large a role as camaraderie and solace seeking. There also tends to be an obsession with loyalty, with tiny slights perceived at every turn. I hope that helps explain where I'm coming from! Lucinda

Miriam wrote: "Has being a mom to daughters made you see sisterhood in a different way? Could you have written this book if you didn't have daughters?"

I was amazed by JUST HOW competitive my daughters were from the get-go. My younger daughter was no more than one-years-old when she began trying to steal out of the hand literally any toy or game or object that her big sister was playing with. I had always assumed that the competitiveness I experienced with my older sisters had something to do with our particular family dynamic. But now I see that it's larger than that. It's really primal. As a result, I sort of bend over backwards trying to show my two daughters an equal amount of attention and also trying to give them an equal chance to speak. I remember, as a child, feeling as if I never got a word in at the dinner table! I've also been amazed to discover that the very technique I adopted to gain attention----namely, to become "the funny one"--has been similarly taken up by my younger daughter (who is about to turn 5). Naturally, most of her jokes have to do with bathrooms and butts, but they work! She can get a whole room full of older children giggling uproariously. . . .

Lucinda, why does only the prostate get to be "the offending gland"?

This is one of those unanswerable questions that I don't dare propose an answer to (for fear of offending anyone with a prostate)!! Though I do appreciate you participating in my goodreads author Q&A. :)

I love this! I totally relate. I have many close friendships but sometimes they cause me misery! I've had to cut out a good friend in my life because it became toxic and it was really a weird experience. I kind of felt like maybe there was something wrong with me, that I didn't have these perfect friendships, but your books shed light on the reality of friendships and I feel like less of a jerk!
I recently read an interview with Lena Dunham about her show, "Girls" which depicts the darker side of female friendships. Dunham said, "I love the friendships that you see in Nancy Meyers' movies, but for me, that kind of friendship is elusive. I feel like a lot of the female relationships I see on TV or in movies are in some way free of the kind of jealousy and anxiety and posturing that has been such a huge part of my female friendships, which I hope lessens a little bit with age."
I have to say, in my experience, the anxiety and jealousy increases in your late twenties/early thirties. I am hoping that in the middle ages and beyond, we can all chill out a little more.
I love your books, I am about half way through, "The Pretty One."

Lucinda wrote: "Rachel wrote: "Hello,
I have noticed with a common theme of some of your books. You write about the close bond between friends and families that includes a dark side of competition and criticism..."

Lucinda wrote: "Rachel wrote: "Hello,
I have noticed with a common theme of some of your books. You write about the close bond between friends and families that includes a dark side of competition and criticism..."

Thanks, Rachel! That's interesting that Lena Dunham said that in an interview. I wonder if she's read I'm So Happy for You! I tend to feel the same way--that a lot of the friendships depicted in TV/film are unrealistically free of tension. Also, I think there is this misconception that women/girls sit around talking about men and that that is the source of all excitement/upset/controversy. In my experience, the friendship itself is usually the source of most of the drama!

Thanks to you and others for following this q&a today. It's been fun! And if you like my books, will you post a nice review (or two) on amazon? :)

Regards, Lucinda