Good Readers of Scotland discussion

Got this sent in an email, and thought I'd share it:

You know you are a true Scot if............

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds..
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin
clarty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
dubble nugget
And finally......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

All good stuff if you're a Wegie but kind of alienates the Gaelic-speaking teuchters or those wi' the Doric or Scots, who would probably contend that they were the truer Scots.
Of course, the gentlefolk from Morningside widne unnerstawn any o'them!

Allan wrote: "All good stuff if you're a Wegie but kind of alienates the Gaelic-speaking teuchters or those wi' the Doric or Scots, who would probably contend that they were the truer Scots.
Of course, the gentl..."

How do you make a ouija board? Take away his Buckfast and his jellies.
Allan, is your icon Angus Og?

It could be but, for obvious copyright reasons, I couldn't possibly confirm it. ;-)

Flashbacks to reading the newspaper wrapping of fish and chips in Girvan and drinking Vimto.
Was he in the Record?

Barbarossa wrote: "Flashbacks to reading the newspaper wrapping of fish and chips in Girvan and drinking Vimto.
Was he in the Record?"
Yes, the Daily Record and the Sunday Mail. Those strips were classics and very funny.