The Writer Who Could discussion

Hi there! I'm Ty Crawford, a hopeful and aspiring writer of stories and fables. I'm working on my biggest fable; Legends Of Origania right now, and its going well so far.



Here is a short cut of Chapter 12, which is currently in progress:





As they returned to the town, Flint noticed a slight change in everyones mood. It was fear. Nobody in the town had talked to them, so Flint wasnt able to understand why the cold mood was about. They entered the building and saw Grizelda sitting there, overtly smiling at them. "Care to explain why you had us release Valtierre?" Zaturos spat. She smiled and looked at Zaturos. "I expected as much." She stood up, and walked towards Marwin. As she stare down at him, Flint could feel Ragniel beginning to heat up. "Who are you?" Flint asked. Grizelda shot an angry stare at Flint. "I suspected as much from the Angelan Kingdom." I didn't send you there to unleash that Vampire. I sent you there to kill the Beholder to prevent such a thing from happening." Her eyes began to glow a dark blood red. "I was assigned here to prevent such a disaster." Marwin gave a furious look. "You are one of the vampires of Fangrock then I take it?" Grizelda nodded. I am the third of the Council of Vampirias. It was not my fault that you made the mistake of releasing Valtierre. Now he will return to the Council and possibly eradicate it." Marwin sighed. Sadly, he needs a year before he can return to his original power. That thousand year sleep has diminished his powers. The Vampires in the council are too strong for him as of now." Grizelda gave a slight grin. "And because of your mistake Zaturos, you will be the one to take care of this problem." Zaturos turned his head. "None of this would have happened if you had told us." Grizelda laughed. "And it also would not have given Flint the strength to cooperate with the spirit of the Miner. That pendant will help him gain the favor of the Dwarves." Zaturos hesitated for a moment before speaking. "How am I supposed to defeat such an entity?" Grizelda scoffed. "And how did you get the title of Hero at the age of five?" You are already a grandmaster swordsman, now simply become an icon of death. Zaturos's eyes widened. "How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Grizelda closed her eyes. "Thats for you to find out yourself." He walked outside with an upset expression on his face. Marwin followed him outside and gave a serious look. Zaturos adverted his eyes from making contact with his. "I used my intuition and this is what I get..." Marwin smiled. "All this is going to do is rank you as much as a superhuman." He looked at the clouds. "Keep traveling with us. I have a feeling you are going to get much stronger if you do."

Sounds cool :) I do prefer more dialogue in a book, makes it more interesting and breaks up the text.

Thanks, got any idea on what I should improve? I'm open for feedback and criticism.

This may just be a personal thing, but you repeat a lot of words.

"change in everyone's mood. It was fear. Nobody in the town had talked to them, so Flint wasn't able to understand why the cold mood was about."
Instead of using mood again, you could have said "why they were acting so cold." Or something similar.

"Zaturos spat. She smiled and looked at Zaturos"
Don't be afraid of pronouns ;)

Sorry, that's all the advice I have, I'll try to be better in the future.

Thanks! I'll pay more attention. And yeah, I have a tendency to repeat things. I'll see what I can do :)

"Zaturos spat. She smiled and looked at him."
:D

:D

Hi Ty!

I've read through your paragraph - it looks like an interesting (and involved!) story :)

I see that you are braver than me - using vampires. After Twilight I shelved an idea I was developing as I was afraid of cliches with Vampires. I did do some research first and came up with some other folk legends I might use instead to give a fresh feel to the story.

I am just curious how you are using vampires in the story and what sort of feel you have given them.

Exactly, Twilight sucked!

Ty wrote: "Hi there! I'm Ty Crawford, a hopeful and aspiring writer of stories and fables. I'm working on my biggest fable; Legends Of Origania right now, and its going well so far.



Here is a short cut of..."

I really like what you have so far! It reminds me of The Legend of Zelda, have you ever heard of it? Your book title, as well as the character Grizelda brought it to mind.

Joshua wrote: "Twilight was a terrible series. I like to call the vampires the author made, "emo fairies". They glow in the sunlight. Really? And they're always so dark."

Have you read Twilight? Not only was the plot pathetic but the writing was terribly plain and often poorly written. I chuckled at your mention of "emo fairies" haha xD

Joshua wrote: "º°Lyndsey°º wrote: "Ty wrote: "Hi there! I'm Ty Crawford, a hopeful and aspiring writer of stories and fables. I'm working on my biggest fable; Legends Of Origania right now, and its going well so ..."

I absolutely agree!

Its a touch of everything. My fable cant really be a fable unless you add fictional horror elements.
The vampires in this book are all easily burned by ultraviolet light. I use the classic old timey types. The new sparkly ones seem a little childish in my opinion. (Yeah, some can turn into a bat.)

Joshua wrote: "Ty wrote: "Hi there! I'm Ty Crawford, a hopeful and aspiring writer of stories and fables. I'm working on my biggest fable; Legends Of Origania right now, and its going well so far.



Here is a s..."


Well, I usually think up random things, basic Gibberish, and I add vowels and details to make it seem like an actual name. (Marwin) (Merlin)
Flint (Regular)
(Zaturos) (Zolo From onepiece)
So on, and so on.

As for future names, the others, (Like Gyro) I made up myself.

In my book, fangrock is the ONLY place where other vampires are located, as it was a curse placed upon by the god of Trolls. (Not internet trolls, mind you)