Speaker Geeks! discussion

In your opinion, what is child abuse and where should you draw the line?

I meant more of what parents do to their children, though I guess they can bully their child.

Its not just physical stuff, it can be verbal child abuse as well. I'd say it was child abuse if it is anything that is intentionally caused to hurt the child physically and emotionally.

I know that in some cultures hitting your children is something you see everyday, but I still don't think it's right. Still, I wouldn't call the cops or anything unless the parents do something to really, really injure you and causes a lot of pain.

Where do you think the children should draw the line and do something about it, and how?

Liane wrote: "H99 wrote: "Liane wrote: "My mother used to beat me quite soundly when I was a child, I was terrified of her, whenever I hear her come home, I would hide in my bedroom.
She would hit for failing an..."

I agree. Hitting child is usually a way for parents to take out their anger on their children, and less of a punishment. I had days where my mother was in a bad mood and would slap me on my head, and then others where she was in a good mood and I would do something equally as bad, and she would just yell.

That's true. My parents are always saying that when they were younger they got way worse, so I should be lucky.
...

Liane wrote: "Yes, some parents think that teaching a child through pain is good for them. "Beat some sense into them," so to speak. My Mom often said that she beat my brother a lot worse than me because when I ..."

My parents also told me that if I was a boy they would have hit me more, because guys are supposed to be "stronger" and should be able to "endure more."

We dont hit in our family, I mean sure, we got spankins, but that doesnt count. One of my cousins is a total brat and bosses her parents around, and yet they have never spanked her

Wow. That's awful.

I also think parents don't realize that by doing this, you're sort of distancing yourself from the child. Usually when you're younger your parents can be always forgiven, but as people grow older they acknowledge these things differently and treat their parents differently.

Child abuse? It's abuse if a person hits a child more than the child deserves. Children should be hit when they deserve it but it should not be for pleasure, it's supposed to be for teaching a lesson. I was hit several times when I was a child but my parents didn't go all the way to hanging me or hitting me with 'great efforts'. It would hurt, but only for a minute or two.

Also, parents should talk to their children after such hitting. My parents would ask me if I know why I got hit after I am done crying. They explain why, and what I should do to avoid it.

Almira wrote: "Child abuse? It's abuse if a person hits a child more than the child deserves. Children should be hit when they deserve it but it should not be for pleasure, it's supposed to be for teaching a less..."

I agree

H99 wrote: "I don't see why you think it's okay... It's not. I think it was the talking that taught you a lesson, not the hitting. There are ways to punish a child without physically hurting them."

I think it's okay because I experienced it, and during the process, it is terrible (who likes to get hit anyway?) but in the end, I realize I deserve the hitting and it sure helped me learn my lessons. I learned to think about my consequences before I misbehave. Anyway, my parents don't hit me badly, they just give me what I deserve.

Almira-- I've experienced it as well, and I disagree with it. For example, I think parents usually think their children will associate whatever wrong-doing they did with a beating and never do it again, but that's not always true. It's not the beating that makes me cry, it's the words they scream at me that do. I think parents should perhaps just resort to the scolding. Also, beating children can make the children think it's ok to beat others as well.

Lo♪ wrote: "Almira-- I've experienced it as well, and I disagree with it. For example, I think parents usually think their children will associate whatever wrong-doing they did with a beating and never do it a..."

My parents don't scream at me.
I don't classify my childhood beating experience as child abuse because really, in a way it helped, and like what I said above - they don't hit me badly. Parents,if they should hit their child, should not hit excessively.

H99 wrote: "Lia wrote: "I get your point 'Mira but I don't think I'd agree. I wouldn't want to hit my children, I don't want them to think that violence is the answer. I want to explain to them or talk it thro..."

Agreed.

H99 wrote: "Lia wrote: "No, but it'll make you feel afraid to make a mistake. I've had a horrible experience with being hit as a child, did it make me smarter? Did it help me get better grades?

People are stu..."

My parents never hit to me hard enough to pee blood or bleed or anything, but I'm sure someone parents do. Can that prevent grandchildren? (Is that what you meant?)

To defend my statements again, my parents never hit me for just not learning a Calculus thing...it's for important reasons, and again, they don't, and never did they, overdid it. And no, I never experienced peeing with blood (I didn't have wounds or scars from it, maybe I had reddened flesh but those disappeared after seconds), and again, just enough amount of pain for misbehaving. :] I intend to do the same to my children (oh god but I'm not planning to have some, really).

I never got hit and I think I turned out pretty well. I'm not into drugs or anything inappropriate. No, I stay home and read. I always think anything painful or shame-inducing will never work when raising kids. They need to learn that what they did was wrong but that's what time-out is for. Beating your kids will only provoke fear in them. It's when kids are afraid to talk to their parents when they start to do stupid stuff like drink and...other things.

H99 wrote: "Just an example. I wanted it to be ridiculous. I still ask, how is hitting a child reinforcing anything? Just to not do whatever it is around you or anywhere that you might find out about."

How: 'for me', it made me understand that my parents are to be respected, and that they would not allow me to misbehave for reasons that are not qualified.

As for TJ's case, it is good that you grew up as a good person even without getting hit. It works for some, and though I'm not sure if I would turn out the same without the 'hitting', I don't have any bad feelings now for experiencing it since I weighed it and had understood through my parents explanations.

True, it is possible that a child could grow up good even without hitting. I don't disagree with that at all.

I agree, Almira. I was raised the same way, and I turned out fine!

Reviving

H99 wrote: "Kaylee wrote: "But why, though? Why can you hit children but not adults?
How is the even remotely right?

I'm with you, H99. I won't be hitting my children, ever. I don't want them to be afraid of ..."

I agree. My mother actually has told me that when she was younger, she just wanted to grow up and get away from her village because she was sick of being hit all the time, but yet, she's done it to me. It makes me wonder whether hitting me was really a conscious movement, because I've had moments of my own where my arm will just reach up and hurt somebody (not an excuse, obviously, just an observation.)

This is a somewhat touchy subject for myself, because I was taken away from my biological family because of child abuse.

To me, spankings are ok, not a method I fully approve of, but where I draw the line with spankings is, that if your hand print is left on your child, you've gone too far.

Beating your child with a belt or spoon or anything else, is wrong and should not be done.

I understand that children don't always act the best and may get on your nerves, trust me, I know, but you should never resort to physically, mentally or sexually abusing your child.