Inner Workings discussion

When faced with a difficult, or surprising situation, I often sit down and write about it in my journal. Fortunately my recent journal entries have been about the joys and experiences of my new life. About how I can't believe that I've really found someone I like and love, and about the challenges of stepping into the additional role of adult female (surrogate mother) to a 14-year-old Aspergers' boy. But today something is weighing me down, and my journal is snug in the second drawer in the nightstand...I've got to write before I explode. Hopefully, seeing the words will help me process.

I know this isn't really a big deal, but it still bothers me...

My man for all of his strengths has a seamy side. I'm aware, I don't have an issue, ours is the healthiest sex life I have ever experienced. But yesterday...an energetic day (if you get my drift)...yesterday or I should say last night, I fell asleep on his chest then rolled over to my side of the bed. He cuddled close and through my sleep haze I could tell his energy had not waned. Mine had faded into sleep. When I didn't respond to his caresses, he kissed my neck and ear then whispered he 'loved me, couldn't sleep, so was going downstairs'. I was awake enough to mumble that he could watch t.v. in our room, it wouldn't disturb me. But he admitted with a chuckle he wasn't going to watch t.v., he was bound for the computer and internet porn. I wasn't bothered as he re-kissed me and re-pledged his love. I knew his time while deployed to the desert had yielded an appreciation for internet porn, besides I figured he'd be gone for an hour tops and come back to bed.

Three hours later he sneaked back...three hours before the alarm sounded. Of course I wasn't asleep.

I'm different today, I felt it as soon as I got out of bed. In our six months of living together, this is the first morning that I didn't want to breathe him in before I got out of bed. I admit my heart is bruised, and I don't know how to address the feelings without sounding like a shrew. I don't know how to draw a comparison so he'll understand. Ultimately, I know I'll get past this, but is this foreshadowing?

And I feel he's different, too. We ride to work together and he seemed to be cautious, walking on eggshells. Of course he could just be reacting to my mood.

I wish I could understand men and porn.

{{HA!...Lily Allen's song "Fu@* You" just came on the radio!}}

Something like this would have bothered me in my twenties, but not now. I'd rather my guy had his own porn room so I could get a good night's sleep. :)

He made it known why he was getting out of bed, so points for being honest and open. Women tend to feel that love = sex. Men, I think, believe that they are two separate things. It doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt your feelings.

If it bothers you, and you don't think that it's something you can live with, then you have to tell him that it really upsets you, or that it makes you feel inadequate...(but don't pound it in his head every ten minutes. Keep it short and simple.) as for the "comparison he'll understand" I'll have to think about it some more. Shel? Guys?

I'd go with honesty.What bothered you about this time?That he was at it 3 hours instead of 1? Or just that it bothered you? Tell him it bothered you. And why. Do you need a comparison he'll understand? Is he 9yrs old? Not meaning to be flip,I guess I don't get over complicating situations. Spit it outt and be rid of it,don't let it get bigger.

You ladies are right, I was being an overly sensitive ninny.
While getting fuel last evening he yawned and commented on how tired he was...it was my opening. I said, "I would think so with only 3 hours of sleep." He blushed, said "yeah, I guess". I chuckled that I'd been a bit miffed and that I had let my self-confidence waiver. He leaned over the fuel hose, kissed me, and assured me I had nothing to worry about. He said, "when I get all horned up, I don't want you to think of yourself as a piece of meat just to satisfy me." Isn't that the sweetest! :) I was worried for nothing...looking for trouble where none exists; yesterday's eggshells were completely imagined. As the sage Bonita pointed out, love & sex, two separate things for men. THANKS!

I didn't think you were being an oversensitive ninny. Just having a little trouble identifying your feelings. A happy ending is always nice.