Reader's Ink discussion

I admit, the part about Christian pole dancing caused me let out a bark-like laugh on the plane while I was reading this book. Mary Lou says, “Yeah. It was my talent for a while. I was a virgin bride on her wedding day—kinda like in that TiffanyJeanTiffany video? I wore this mini wedding dress and these white stockings with garters and some pretty silver handcuffs. It was a real fun routine” (p. 73).

DISCUSS.

I LOVED that comment. It was so unexpected, but it was such a perfect reference to the virgin / whore complex that teenage girls have always had to contend with to some extent but especially today.

I'm embarrassed to say I didn't read it right, so I'm changing my comment.

I'm not much further than that part in the book- but I actually thought the next sentence made the whole statement: "but once I turned ten, my mom thought I needed something new". Imagining a 9 year old doing that was so ridiculous!

I'd just like to take a moment and say how ecstatic I am that we're discussing Christian pole dancing.

That is all.

Here's my question: if it's Christian pole dancing, she has to have on a cross necklace, right? So what type of cross? Is it bedazzled? Does it look like it was borrowed from Tracy Morgan's 30 Rock wardrobe? Is it pink? Or is it white with lace since she was supposed to be a bride? And, for that matter, is that the only cross? Or does she have matching earrings? Do the handcuffs have crosses on them?

Also: thanks for reminding me of the next line Alisha. I'd forgotten it: and it really does take the comment over the top. In a depressing way, because I'm pretty sure I read or heard about some toddler pageant featuring something like toddler pole dancing or something equally creepy.

I obviously did a lousy job of reading it the first time, so I went back to catch it correctly. Along with Alisha, when reading I found myself disgusted with the thoughts of a 9 year old doing a provocative pole dance....then to put the glitter of "Christian" on it, I'm not exactly sure I'd want my kid in that. Is it Lauren that had pageant kids in your school. I'm kind of curious what that was like. You're right, I bet Texas is in nearly all the pageants. We've had a couple NM's out there, but not like you, and they weren't from Albuquerque, and much younger than me, so I don't get a feel for the glitz you are speaking of.

Oh, see, I think Mary Lou's only jewelry would be one of those uber creepy "purity rings" that equally uber creepy men who are FAR too interested in their daughters' sexual status give them to remind them to keep their knees closed. Like, you know those "purity balls" where dads and daughters go together and celebrate virginity?

And remember what Elizabeth Smart said? http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/o...

And that, really, is what I think Bray is calling out: the church's bizarre interest in what people do in the bedroom. Or, well, in Mary Lou's case, in the jungle. Growing up in a church with something like a 6-month-long "sex and dating series" that basically said DON'T (Julie, Emily, and Alisha WERE THERE--remember the pie charts and dating license? And the admonishment not to wear our purses seatbelt-style?), I found this passage so freaking hilarious, I wanted to frame it. This idea that you need to be suuuuuuuuuper "pure" and then flip a switch on your wedding night and keep your man happy and interested was just brilliantly portrayed in a neat little outrageous package of Christian pole dancing. Why? Because Bray showed (a) the hypocrisy of that construct, and (b) the screwiness of having women exist just to please others (men).

Ah, yes, and V-neck shirts are like, the sluttiest clothes ever.

Ashley, thank you for sharing the Elizabeth Smart interview. I had not seen that. You and others in your church group have given me great cause for pause on the comments made. In our faith, we did not have premarital or formal dating classes, and from what I am reading, we probably would have benefited from it greatly. Those are things we can poke fun at and your comments are cute.

I agree, but I also think Bray's poking fun at the sexualization of young girls while claiming it's all innocent, good fun. How often do you read about parents dressing their young daughters up in a sexualized fashion but then going "oh, it's OK, because we're good Christians." It's a very odd defense: it's OK that we're doing this, because we're Christians (with the unsaid corollary that it would be a problem if they weren't good Christians).

I guess it's a Midwestern thing (I went to high school in the Bible Belt), but cross necklaces were, when I still lived there, even more popular than purity rings. That was how people knew you were a Christian, after all, and how you silently gave witness to the Word (I paraphrasing a speech I heard at one of the big fundamentalist churches once).

Carol, regarding pageant queens: I should probably back track on my earlier comment as, rereading it, it's a bit too cynical. I was friendly with a couple of girls who went on to win both Miss State and Miss Teen State (Ashley might remember me watching Miss America our senior year in college because a high school classmate was competing ... and she was totally robbed when she didn't win). What I mostly remember is that they were always on. Even at an all-girls sleepover, they would look like they were about to do a photo shoot. It was a bit like hanging out with a teenage politician. One of them always picked out her outfit the night before and would then repaint her nails to match her outfit (even if was just different shades of pink). Another had bra fittings every six months to make sure she was still wearing the right size. They did voice lessons, dance lessons, had weekly beauty treatments of various sorts ... granted, I did learn some decent tricks from them, but I mostly remember being exhausted by all of it. They had to be thin but not too thin, put together but authentic, friendly but capable of all of the behind-the-scenes politicking of the pageant world.

As a whole, there was something very manufactured about them. I wouldn't even say we were friends for the simple reason that it would be like claiming a friendship with a character from a book or movie. Everything about them felt like an act.

Anyway, that's probably way more than everyone wanted to know about my experience with pageant queens. But it is part of why I enjoyed the book: it's such a magnification of that world and the pressures and expectations on teenage girls who opt for that world.

MY EXPERIENCES WITH PAGEANT QUEENS ARE A BIT DIFFERENT. WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I WERE DATING IN COLLEGE, HE WAS ALSO DATING OR HAD PREVIOUSLY DATED MISS TULARE COUNTY, MISS FRESNO COUNTY, AND MISS CALIFORNIA. HE INSISTED THE REASON WAS THAT HE WAS TALL AND HAD TAKEN HIS AUNT SARAH'S ELEMENTARY SOCIAL DANCE CLASS, AND HE WAS JUST DANCE ARM CANDY. (ASHLEY, KNOWING UNCLE BRENT, YOU KNOW THIS IS PROBABLY THE TRUTH.) WE ALSO HAD A BEAUTY QUEEN IN THE THEATRE DEPARTMENT WHO ALWAYS HAD A MIRROR IN ONE HAND TO CHECK HER HAIR AND MAKEUP. TRUTH!!! SHE WAS TRULY ALL FORM AND NO CONTENT. FOR THE MOST PART, THE GIRLS WERE NICE. A BIT VAIN, BUT NICE. I KNOW I'D BE AS SARCASTIC AS ADINA IN A PAGEANT SITUATION. I WAS NEVER A RAINBOW GIRL, A JOB'S DAUGHTER OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER GIRL SORORITIES WHERE, AS MY MOTHER PUT IT, "PUT ON FORMALS AND MARCH AROUND IN CIRCLES TO GET THEIR EXERCISE."