Young Writers discussion

Ello. My name's Camille, and here's a story that I've been writing (: This is my first attempt at a dystopia, so I apologize if it doesn't seem like it! (I will always be insecure about anything I write, so please take note if I constantly say stuff like this. lol) This story is currently still in the works, and is far from being finished. Any kind of feedback is appreciated! I've been told that I should work on describing the setting, which I recognize is one of my weaknesses, but I'll try to work on that! Thanks for reading this, and please do let me know what you think (:


EYEconomy

Description
Sixteen-year-old Paige Brooks lives in an economically-segregated society in the future where one can determine what economic class they belong to by the color of their eyes. When a person is born, their eyes are genetically mutated to represent the color of their class. Paige is part of the Economy, the middle class, and, having gray eyes, belongs to the poorest sub-division of her class. Being Economy is tough, and her dream is not only to get out of her gray eyes, but to help others get out of the poverty pit as well. Everything seems normal. But when a strong hereditary gene is suddenly turned on inside of her, Paige is mistook for being upper class and finds herself pulled into the luxurious lifestyle of the Capital.

(Btdubbs, the image is the link if you didn't already know!)

Stuff I'm aware of (but if you feel the need to remind me, go for it! lol):
-I'm bad at setting the scene. I usually focus more on the interaction between characters. I'll try to fix that in future writings. (...Or not.)
-Chapter 6 is pretty cliche in my eyes (well, any romance I write is cliche in my eyes). Just wanted to insert some tension early in the story, I guess. I'm weird, I know!

Holy crap. This sounds awesome. I freaked out a little because I have a story where eyes are part of the economic system, but in a very different way, so we're good. :D

I'm excited to read this.

That actually sounds pretty cool!

Ooh, also, that cover is really amazing.

Wow. This idea is really interesting, and I can't wait to read it. (You may want to add that you click the picture to read it, because I thought we were waiting for a link lol)

I've now read the first 3 chapters, and it is very good so far! I will keep reading.

Ooh this sounds very intriguing (also I love the cover). I had an idea like this once, but then it ended up morphing into something completely different. XD So yeah, I will try to read this sometime soon!

sounds awesome. :) can you post what you've written so far on goodreads?

Colby wrote: "Wow. This idea is really interesting, and I can't wait to read it. (You may want to add that you click the picture to read it, because I thought we were waiting for a link lol)"

OH! I thought so too! I will go read it noooww!!

Grace wrote: "Colby wrote: "Wow. This idea is really interesting, and I can't wait to read it. (You may want to add...)"

OH! ..."

wait what? where is there a link?

Sam~ on sleepless roads the sleepless go~ wrote: "Grace wrote: "Colby wrote: "Wow. This idea is really interesting, and I can't wait to read it. (You may want to add...)"

OH! ..."

wait what? where is there a link?"

The book cover is the link!

Taylor [Pardon me while I fanboy over you] wrote: "Holy crap. This sounds awesome. I freaked out a little because I have a story where eyes are part of the economic system, but in a very different way, so we're good. :D

I'm excited to read this."

Oh! Sorry about that if I made you nervous in any way D: I can assure that this idea is completely original (: and, thank you very much!

How do different eyes affect people in your story? xD

@Camille

It's okay, because it was only the title that alarmed me. And I know it was original because it's been a long time since I've posted anything about this.

Basically, the idea behind my story is this: the US government has done away with all currency, recycling it (to create jobs) and transiting to a whole system that is accessed through iris-scanning technology. Problem is, the government is the owner of the sole bank, so they basically have a monopoly on the money and take it from people as they see fit. (They love putting people in jail because then they just bankrupt them.)

The story actually started as an exploration of the psychology of being a kidnapping victim, because the main character is someone who is kidnapped so someone can use her eyes to make purchases. But then it exploded into a huge critique of our government and the economy and I started exploring the future of pop culture and technology. I love the idea, but I have yet to find the time to finish brainstorming the plot and actually write it.

Taylor [Pardon me while I fanboy over you] wrote: "@Camille

It's okay, because it was only the title that alarmed me. And I know it was original because it's been a long time since I've posted anything about this.

Basically, the idea behind my st..."

Our stories have a lot in common, then! The title, the iris-scanning, and the currency isn't physical; each person has a balance, which is just a digital wallet accessed through the eye-scanning. That's a lot of coincidence x'D Sorry about that; I know I'd be nervous too if someone else's story appeared to share a lot of similarities with mine.

How I came up with the title, I was actually in a rush to post it. So I played around with a few words and came up with that title. At first I didn't really like it, but it grew on me (:

But you know, yours sounds really interesting. If you ever do write it out, I'd love to read it! The plot of your story, in my opinion, goes deeper than mine. My story just revolves around a girl and her experiences in a divided society. More of a YA- thing

Okay so. I need to read this some time soon because it sounds awesome!

Kriss wrote: "Okay so. I need to read this some time soon because it sounds awesome!"

Thank you! (: