Speaker Geeks! discussion

When is it ok to start to date? I was 16 when I had my first girlfriend....

What do you guys think? What age is it ok? When did you start?

You have to be mature enough to handle it. I would say somewhere around 15-17 is a decent age for most people. I haven't started dating yet. I'm still a fairly young teenager, and honestly, I don't really care to date at the moment.

I don't think age has anything to do with when you can date. People in my class have been dating since grade 3. I think you should be able to date whenever you want. But that doesnt mean that every person you date in grade 5 means anything. I just feel like when you date when you're younger, you lose yourself to that person, when you should be maintaining your own identity. Of course, I've seen teenagers and adults do this too. So I guess it's all up to the people in the relationship.

@H99
Exactly. So I say, let them "date" all they want. They arent hurting anyone.

I know kids who are dating in 6th grade. I don't mind, but it was dating for all the wrong reasons. One girl felt the need to get a guy so bad, she asked out every boy in her grade and the grade below her. That makes me sad, because I don't think you should ever feel like you need a companion to he happy.

On the other hand, there was a couple who genuinely liked each other. They were best friends, and eventually grew to be more. They had a loving relationship in 6th grade. So, I don't think age matters, as long as the couple genuinely like/love each other, I think they deserve a chance no matter what age.

Billy wrote: "Hannah wrote: "I know kids who are dating in 6th grade. I don't mind, but it was dating for all the wrong reasons. One girl felt the need to get a guy so bad, she asked out every boy in her grade a..."

I agree. You can't say that love comes at a certain age. People mature at different rates. Hit puberty at different times. The same for love.

Kaylee wrote: "Billy wrote: "Hannah wrote: "I know kids who are dating in 6th grade. I don't mind, but it was dating for all the wrong reasons. One girl felt the need to get a guy so bad, she asked out every boy ..."

Great point. It is one thing to hold hands, kiss, and snuggle, but it completely different if they are having sex and becoming pregnant. In eigth grade, they are having sex for fun, and not to have a child. That is not a good idea, because that forces the girl (and possibly the guy, if he decides to stay by her side) to make a life changing decision: baby or abortion.

@Hannah
It's really sad. I know this girl, and we were at a new year's party once, and the whole time she kept on saying things like: "I really need a boyfriend." Or "I've been boyfriend-less for soooo long." It was like she was not a person without someone else to have as a boyfriend. She didn't want someone to genuinely like/love each other. She just wanted a boyfriend.

Jason wrote: "When is it ok to start to date? I was 16 when I had my first girlfriend....

What do you guys think? What age is it ok? When did you start?"

It's okay to start when you can pass physics, chemistry, calculus, statistics exams :]. Kidding. Well, you gotta assess yourself. Ask yourself questions like: If I started dating, will I still be able to concentrate on my studies (if you're still in school, if not in school, then on work stuffs); If I date someone, will I be able to handle pain and everything that might come along with it (including the extreme happiness, expectations, etc); etc.

You see if you started dating you gotta be sure you can handle stuffs.

This is like a sort of long answer and the shorter way to put it is in Leah's answer (first sentence) on message number 2.

and also...there's no specific age, just like what H99 said, "Some people reach 30 and still aren't mature.".

Agreed. Although I will say that, as a rule of thumb, even if you are insanely mature, you shouldn't be "dating" in elementary school or even middle school for the most part.

As much as I believe in that whole maturity thing, I think it also depends a lot on your definition of dating.

Jacie's got it down...but I think there's still a bit more to add.

Okay, so there's the i'm-in-fourth-grade-i'm-so-cool dating. Yeah, but I don't consider that real dating because, for all intents and purposes, there is nothing intimate about that.

(I have a story about the fourth grade one if you want to hear it...)

Then, there's high school/middle school dating. You're bf/gf adds extra...for lack of a better word, status...to your social standing. It is merely a join between two friendship groups. It means you enjoy each others company and are never date-less for a dance. I think this kind of dating is okay from about 6th or 7th grade (depending if grades are the same in America and Australia...)

Okay, so now there's the 'dating' that just involves hooking up with someone a couple times. This shows NO maturity at all and, unfortunately, appears most often in my school. Basically, two people hook up a lot, there are no 'dates' so to speak, and the title gf and bf aren't even used. This is the second saddest form of dating, second only to the fourth grade one. Ugh.

Okay, then there's the one everyone wants. Well, at least I think a lot of people want it...it's the serious kind of dating that eventually leads to lots of heartbreak, marriage, etcetera etcetera. For this kind of dating, I think you need to have finished school and really have some kind of semblance of who you are and who you want to be. Only then do I think it's acceptable to try and have a relationship that will define you so much.

Make sense??

Jacie wrote: "Type 1: The I'm-in-fourth-grade-oh-damn-look-I-got-a-girlfriend/boyfriend-am-I-mature-and-grown-up-yet? type of dating."

Yeah, should 'kids' do this? I suddenly thought about my younger cousins and I sort of find it funny and weird now...this type 1 of dating haha.

Jacie wrote: "Type 2: the type where you actually take it seriously enough to put into the relationship what you would like out of it. The actual kind."

This is the complicated type, I think.

Now that Jacie stated two types, I think that even if you're in fourth-grade and you think you're capable of handling type 2, you should make sure that the person you're dating is not doing type 1, otherwise..well pain, I guess.

Chlo wrote: "Make sense??"

That makes sense and you tapped the other types.

Ok cool :)

I think there are too many "types" of dating to describe them all. Also, these "types" can evolve and mutate into other types. For example, some people get happily married to the person they dated in grade 6.

I think it really depends on the person.

Almira wrote: "Jason wrote: "When is it ok to start to date? I was 16 when I had my first girlfriend....

What do you guys think? What age is it ok? When did you start?"

It's okay to start when you can pass phys..."

That was almost exactly what my high school teachers said. They also specifically mentioned that when start dating you should make sure that your grades will not slip if you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Xdyj wrote: "Almira wrote: "Jason wrote: "When is it ok to start to date? I was 16 when I had my first girlfriend....

What do you guys think? What age is it ok? When did you start?"

It's okay to start when yo..."

Well, I think dating and school are very separate things. If you love somebody a lot, and they love you back, but your grades might be slipping, I don't think you should have to break up with your bf/gf because of that.
Besides, the breakup could make your grades worse.

I mostly agree with alot of you guys on here but for some people, and im including myself and my girlfriend, they can be in 8th or ninth grade and still have a mature relationship. Like with me and my girlfriend we do hold hands and kiss and stuff like that but both of us have talked about and agreed that anything further than that should be saved until marriage. Alot of guys that i know are "sex oriented" but there are some that arent like that who are mature and want a lasting relationship that can lead to a future with that person.

Ryan }[Music is the cure to everything]{ wrote: "I mostly agree with alot of you guys on here but for some people, and im including myself and my girlfriend, they can be in 8th or ninth grade and still have a mature relationship. Like with me and..."
:)

Ryan }[Music is the cure to everything]{ wrote: "I mostly agree with alot of you guys on here but for some people, and im including myself and my girlfriend, they can be in 8th or ninth grade and still have a mature relationship. Like with me and..."

To be honest, waiting that long is very unlikely. One of you will snap and you will break up, or when you are 18 (if you are together for a remarkable 4 years) you will probably snap and have sex.

Personally I think if you are smart enough to know how to consider other's feelings then you can date. I was very young when I had my first boyfriend. I was like 5 and I'm pretty sure no one took it seriously but me ^^ but it still counts.

H99 wrote: "Ryan }[Music is the cure to everything]{ wrote: "I mostly agree with alot of you guys on here but for some people, and im including myself and my girlfriend, they can be in 8th or ninth grade and ..."

I think its stupid to date someone just for sex or status, whats the point in that? Like when i go out with someone i go out with them because i have genuine feelings towards the person and im looking for someone who i could make a future with, not someone to "do it" with

Jason wrote: "Ryan }[Music is the cure to everything]{ wrote: "I mostly agree with alot of you guys on here but for some people, and im including myself and my girlfriend, they can be in 8th or ninth grade and ..."

Im pretty sure neither of those are going to happen, because we have a very concrete relationship and its not just "i like u, u like me" thing, its deep and our relationship has meaning to both of us. Im not saying its always perfect all the time, but both of us are willing to work at the relationship to make it last.

i don't think age matters, for me definition of date is ,just spending time with the person you like

Depends. Both for dating or being in a committed relationship you've to be mature enough (not old enough, because maturity doesn't depend upon age) to understand the meaning of the relationship and so do your partner.

Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unless you're more than 20 years old, because any younger than that, you are still kind of a child (in the eyes of others), so why not enjoy your childhood first? You will have plenty of time to do that later so why start so early when you can focus on so much more things? Like school and studies maybe.I mean we have exams now and my friend is liking this person and he is not doing very well with his studies... I mean after School and University, we have plenty of time for those kind of stuff

And also, I think that dating should be taken seriously (maybe its because of my culture, where you court someone then date, then after that its already marriage) and that it should lead somewhere.... I mean if you date this young, what are the chance of you and your'e boyfriend/girlfriend still together after so many years? I do know that it is possible and I am envious and happy for those people, but to me, it seems like a small chance. You guys will have to grow up and change and overcome obstacles etc and you might be a different person when you come out, which might make you change you're mind about your special person

And I admit it, I'm a coward, so I don't want getting my heart broken, so when I want a relationship, I want it to be my one and only haha ><

Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unless you're more than 20 years old, because any younger than that, you are still kind of a child ((in the eyes of others), so why..."

yes well said. i agree with you. there really no other point (apart from infatuation and entertainment) from dating at a young age. If you wanna date, then it should be heading somewhere.

Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unless you're more than 20 years old, because any younger than that, you are still kind of a child ((in the eye..."

Yeah isn't that the whole point of it? Finding someone you want to be together with for your life? If other than that, why do it at all?

Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unless you're more than 20 years old, because any younger than that, you are s..."

yup. i guess teen and younger ppl just do it for entertainment and peer pressure... like its a measure of how popular u are or something...

really thats just silly.

@Arielle - and u know what's worse? I was on other groups, where these girls are like about 13 or 14 years of age, and they're saying how they lost thier virginity and they wanna 'do it' with their boyfriends...

*shaking head*

Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unless you're more than 20 years old, because any younger ..."

I agree... I mean one day they'll be looking back and thinking 'what a waste of my time and life'

Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unless you're more than 2..."

yup. and is all that time and effort really neccessary that will get u nowhere in life? AND then there's the heartbreak where younger kids are gong thru. I mean really, its not like u were gonna marry them! AND you're only 13 yrs old! there so much more to ur life than one bad relationship.

Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think that you shouldn't really date unles..."

Yeah! Just spare yourself from all the trouble and heartbreak... I see some people in my school having all these kind of dramas because of their relationship and I'm just thinking 'you wouldn't complain this much if you didn't go out with him in the first place' I mean, do they seriously think that any relationship they can go in now will last? (Except for those VERY VERY lucky ones)

Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opinion, but I think tha..."

yup and those "Very Luck Ones" are the ones that are found in books.

Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Sasha Ivashkov-Herondale wrote: "Arielle Rae wrote: "Well, just my opin..."

Well yeah, but I do know some people in real life that made it work... And some others where their relationship is a real life fairytale
They're just a wee bit rare

I think I would be okay now, but I think it would depend on the guy and how I feel about him and how my parents feel too.

Hannah wrote: "Kaylee wrote: "Billy wrote: "Hannah wrote: "I know kids who are dating in 6th grade. I don't mind, but it was dating for all the wrong reasons. One girl felt the need to get a guy so bad, she asked..."

Don't include all of us in that please.

I think around fifth grade when you turn eleven, or around there, and hormones begin, and you begin to actually like people, not just say you do to feel mature.

I think high school is okay to start dating. I have never dated but, by seeing other kids in my class, the don't even do anything in middle school besides say they are "datig" so its like whats the point! Besides, I feel like in middle school you dont really know what "love" is...

woman-25 years, man-18 years .....

H99 wrote: "Keanna wrote: "I think high school is okay to start dating. I have never dated but, by seeing other kids in my class, the don't even do anything in middle school besides say they are "datig" so its..."

Haha yeah :) thata what people in my class do still and we r in hs!

Som wrote: "woman-25 years, man-18 years ....."

Interesting..

.

Thought the man needs some help in his early age to learn how to behave with his date(s); initially he needs an experienced company; it's like a training date; the ideal first date for a man; so it's OK. Or you can see it as it's funny! I didn't intend to talk for everyone...they can have their own ways of doing things.. :P

H99 wrote: "Keanna wrote: "H99 wrote: "Keanna wrote: "I think high school is okay to start dating. I have never dated but, by seeing other kids in my class, the don't even do anything in middle school besides ..."

*shivers* ug yeah... :/

Som wrote: "Thought the man needs some help in his early age to learn how to behave with his date(s); initially he needs an experienced company; it's like a training date; the ideal first date for a man; so it..."

Yeah I see your point :1

Haha :)