Young Writers Group discussion

Alright, my first time posting, I've never written anything like this before, and I haven't written in awhile period. Constructive criticism is welcome, and please tell me what you think!!

I opened the front door, walked down my long hallway, and into my bedroom. I set my bag down by my door, shut it and and sat on my bed.

As I slowly undressed myself, and slid into my cold, grey sheets, I knew I wouldn't get any sleep. Like every other night. My terrors would catch up to me, like they always do- and they would meet me in my dreams. Like they always do.

I laid in my bed for awhile, reluctant to turn off my light, staring at the ceiling. Finally, I turn over and shut them off.

I try closing my eyes, like I do every night. But my terrors keep me awake- I open my eyes every few seconds- exposing myself to the dancing shadows and darkness that mocks me. It engulfs what I see, I blink and it starts again.

At first, I can see the shadows of my bedroom just fine- eyes adjusted to the darkness. But like every night, the darkness creeps in.

And then, a small, soft whisper in the dark. My body jolts- I lay frozen, stopped, holding my breath. "Help me." and I realize, it came from me.

Woah, this is creepy! I read this at night in bed, And I'm not gonna lie, I got kind of paranoid after reading this o____o but anyway, great job! (:

;) Thank you!

Wow! I just loved it. Maybe you could make it into a longer short story somehow. I really did love it.

Thanks. Yeah I will add onto it, I just don't really know how I want to go on with it. :) thanks for feedback!!

Thats really good

It's really good!

Thank's everyone! I'll have a new one up soon! :) Gonna be a little different though.

As his eyes met mine, I think we both knew. We had loved each other, but was this all worth it? Our minds raced a million thoughts a second. I was speechless. I looked away, something other than those piercing green eyes, anything. Tears were running down my cheeks.
"I don't know."
"What?"
"I don't know," I said in reply.
"Don't know if you love me?"
"No. Don't know what to do."
And then his arms were around me. Pressing against the small of my back and the other by my hip. I cried into his shoulder, something I've been doing a lot the past few weeks. When it came down to it, he was my best friend. He IS my best friend.
"Well I know."
I met his eyes, suddenly they were filled with wisdom and a glow. Like his eyes told me the answer. And I realized I did too. I always knew. It just took me awhile. Because what I thought was love wasn't. Every thing changes.
"I love you." I blurted out.
"I know."



Blah blah blah my first love story. Feel free to criticize if it's bad or what. I'll have my next scary story soon!

Katelyn wrote: "As his eyes met mine, I think we both knew. We had loved each other, but was this all worth it? Our minds raced a million thoughts a second. I was speechless. I looked away, something other than th..."

I actually thought it was very great and interesting. It would be great if you would add more to it. I really loved it a lot.

Thank you... I probably won't add to it but I've got another one that's longer and romantic :)

Katelyn wrote: "Thank you... I probably won't add to it but I've got another one that's longer and romantic :)"

Okay. Will you post the other one that is longer and romantic. Thanks.

(This is actually a personal narrative. All of this had actually happened- I originally wrote it for school.)

I can't say that every teenager was naive to love, but I can say I was. I wasn't ready for everything that came my way. I didn't think about consequences and I didn't think about others. I was selfish because I did what I wanted, and I didn't care who it hurt. I hoped nothing would change, but nothing stays the same right?

I had missed almost a full week of school. It was the week of Valentine's Day. I barely got out of bed and I was constantly coughing and throwing up. But when I woke up on February 13th I felt better. Thinking it was a fluke and that I would have to stick my face in a bowl soon, I stayed home. I played computer games with dim lighting, a warm and soft blanket wrapped around my shoulders, tea, and just incase- a bucket ready when I'd need it.
Later that day I had a dinner party to go to. I don't know why I went- I was sick and nauseous. But it was at my Dad's and so I assumed it would be relaxed.
It wasn't.
I was thinking that this could not have been my Dad's idea- he hasn't done these crazy things since before Kristin- his girlfriend of a year-but when I saw him round the corner with a cup filled with clear liquid I knew it must've been. Now don't get the wrong idea- this wasn't like everyone here was drinking. There were kids there, it was just loud.
As I looked around and saw the decorations slightly askew-hanging limply from ceilings to walls to doors. I walked to my room and I saw only unrecognizable faces. 'Who are these people?' I thought. 'Probably Dad's work friends.' As I sat on my bed I noticed I had a terrible headache. I could hear the loud voices through my closed door. I looked into my black computer screen and took a look at myself. 'I'm a wreck.' I let my hair down into it's wavy-straight locks and walked out my door straight to the medicine cabinet. I took an Advil and felt an instant relief. 'All better.'
Walking back into the living room I felt a pair of eyes on me. Now, usually I'm not the outgoing, take-a-chance kind of person- but I turned around and saw a green eyed, blonde haired, 6ft tall boy lock eyes with me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach build and my heart melt as he smiled at me. My face probably looked REALLY funny as I let a goody smile spread across my face. As I turned around and I walked away I wished I had talked to him. But showing up late two hours late to a "dinner" party had it's faults because soon the night was over and we were all saying out goodbye's.
When it came time to say goodbye to the mysterious blondie, I saw him go in for a hug-he held me tight as his arms wrapped around me and I felt a certain warmness as I hugged him back.
Later that night I got a text: It was him! But believe me- it took me awhile before I realized that- probably a ten minute conversation of me making sure because that's just my paranoid self. Apparently he had got my number from Kristin, which is extremely awkward because she's like a second mom to me.
Who knew that one night could change everything? Could change me? Could open my eyes- could make me question what I thought was right? Could make me question the people who love me.
I'm not saying the change was bad-but was it good? I fell in love with this person and not once did I question myself-just everyone else.
Over 3 weeks I grew closer to him than I had anyone else. Then we dated- and in the two months I grew to love this guy for everything he was, and he did the same thing for me.
We had our fights, and they were stupid. But during those fights as us high schoolers yelled at each other whether through the phone or to the face- we learned a lot about ourselves, and each other. And eventually we were back to normal- laughing together as we made fun of cheesy movies, hugging as we said goodbye, throwing food at the other because their jokes were SO bad- but laughed at them anyways. And so we always stayed the same.
It was emotional- what we went through as a couple I mean. In a way I wish I could change things and go back to that night and not do the stuff we did. But in another way, I like knowing that we got through them.
From our emotional late night talks, to taking our anger out on each other, to crying and saying sorry- we stayed together. We're a roller coaster ride, one that can be so steady but then all of a sudden you're going downhill, at an uncontrollable rate, only to go back higher than you were before. It's scary and exciting but you hd on tight. Because you never want to off.
Before I said everything changes- I was wrong. Just like how rain will always fall in the Oregon sky- my relationship with him will always stay the same.



Btw- it's been 7 months together now. Still feel those butterflies :)

Katelyn wrote: "(This is actually a personal narrative. All of this had actually happened- I originally wrote it for school.)

I can't say that every teenager was naive to love, but I can say I was. I wasn't ready..."


Loved it. Great Job.

:)

When I had first heard the footsteps, I hadn't thought anything of it. I reminded myself that not all men are bad. And that I would be walking in through my front door any minute.
Wrong.

It was 8, back from dance, the night- completely dark. I had seen him when I got out of my car, in fact, I'd seen him yesterday too, and the day before...
Why hadn't I seen this coming?

The cold rain echoed and suddenly it felt like the footsteps were louder. Right behind me. I decided I would ignore it.
Why?

I dialed 9-1-1 in my phone, and I had almost reached the call button. But then there was a strong grip on my arm, and a hand over my mouth. At first, I couldn't breathe, I tried biting into his hand, and elbowing him. But he was strong. I felt tears string my eyes and roll down my cheeks. Finally, he let go of my mouth. I took a huge breath before a gag was placed over. At least I could breathe through my nose.
I thought that was a good thing, until now.

5 years later, I'm in the basement of this old mans house. I didn't think I did anything wrong. But he made it sound like I did? What did I do? The dark has become safe. And the light is my own worst enemy. Why? Because when he opens the door that leads to the stairs of my new, cold home, I am being trapped into a mans filthy, twisted desires.

Oh what have I done? Tell me how to fix this. Help me. 'Shhh' I tell myself. I hear the creaks placed right outside the door, and the light slowly creeps in the basement. I shut my eyes, slowly opening them. But this isn't the man. No. That's not him. This was someone else. as he walked down the stairs a man followed in unison behind him. The one I know smiles. And the second follows.

"Hello."

Katelyn wrote: "When I had first heard the footsteps, I hadn't thought anything of it. I reminded myself that not all men are bad. And that I would be walking in through my front door any minute.
Wrong.

It was..."


You left me hanging. I want more! Great! Outstanding!

Katelyn wrote: "When I had first heard the footsteps, I hadn't thought anything of it. I reminded myself that not all men are bad. And that I would be walking in through my front door any minute.
Wrong.

It was..."

You really did leave us hanging. I wonder what is going to happen? what is the men's gonna say? I really want more just like Danielle. Fantastic!

Hehe thank you all :)

Katelyn wrote: "Alright, my first time posting, I've never written anything like this before, and I haven't written in awhile period. Constructive criticism is welcome, and please tell me what you think!!

I open..."

That was really good.

As I looked upon her pale body and dark hair, all I could think was 'Wow, she is beautiful'. I wish I had told her that more often. She never believed me when I did.
I started to move toward her. Because suddenly, I wanted to feel my body against hers. Bare chest to bare chest. My strong legs against her smooth toned ones. I wanted my hands tangled in her hair. But most of all, I wanted her breath on my lips as I pause before kissing her.
Before I grabbed her face softly in my hands, I saw her eyes. They looked dark from afar. Brown almost. But I knew they weren't. They were green. Not a boring green, though. No, this green held a thousand different colors. Sometimes when she spoke, you could tell she was really passionate about it. Because you'd see a fire in her eyes. You could see the burning colors mixing together as words flowed out of her mouth. I was always mesmerized by that. This is another thing I'd wished I said.
I also wish I told her I loved her. But it's too late for all that now. She is gone. Not to another man, or to death. No- the wind came and picked her up. She had fallen in love with the world, not me.


(Man POV)

Katelyn wrote: "As I looked upon her pale body and dark hair, all I could think was 'Wow, she is beautiful'. I wish I had told her that more often. She never believed me when I did.
I started to move toward her. ..."

I love it. Great Job. Love the descriptive words.

Thank you!

About your personal narrative...it was amazing! Very enthralling...when the boy came into the story a smiled. I always smile when I read about that stuff. I can't help it. I wish a cute, unknown boy would smile at me. Also, when you talked about your life as a couple, with the throwing food and fights, I honestly felt jealous :P Your life was exactly identical to how I want my couple life to be like!! All in all,
I rate ur story 9/10

Thank you, yeah I'd do anything to get it back.

Katelyn wrote: "As his eyes met mine, I think we both knew. We had loved each other, but was this all worth it? Our minds raced a million thoughts a second. I was speechless. I looked away, something other than th..."

I think before you can write about love have more experience.

I think next time you want to comment on my thread - don't.

Danielle wrote: "I think before you can write about love have more experience."

I disagree with that, Danielle. I haven't had much experience with most of what I write, but I've been told that I write as if I've been through the scenarios. If you can empathize with your characters and think about what you'd feel if you were in their shoes, then you don't have to have experience to write about it. You can experience it in your head.

@Katelyn: I love all your description. I'm not enthusiastic about your subjects, but that's okay. :) It's the writing talent that counts, and what you can turn that into.

Well said.

Oh. Well, I'll delete my posts then.

Roxanne wrote: "Oh. Well, I'll delete my posts then."

you don't have to. I was just trying to point out that we all have our different opinions and that to me they weren't being rude. That's all.

Thank you! I have a story I'm posting later today actually. :)

Katelyn wrote: "Thank you! I have a story I'm posting later today actually. :)"

I can't wait for the story, too.

This is something very different for me as it is my first time writing fantasy. (Even though I could barely call it fantasy.) I'm not very proud of this one and I didn't spend much time on it, I am looking forward to seeing where I should edit my work!

I stood on the roof staring at the world below. My dark wings fluttered behind me, desperately wanting to feel the wind between it's feathers. But it was time to put them away. No more flying.
"That's enough," he said. Almost as if on que. My wings sinked behind me, latching onto my back.
I turned around, looking at the dark brown hair that seemed to match his eyes. He was so wonderful to look at, he always was. Growing up with him I'd stare at him quite a lot - I did love him. More than a friend, more than he'll ever know. He met my eyes.
"Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
I pushed my hair behind my ears, and stood at the edge of the building. I decided I'd face him , so I could stare at his eyes one last time. He slashed at my wings in random places - making sure I'd never be able to use them. I closed my eyes, and when I felt his hand push my chest back, I opened them. 'So beautiful...' I thought as I fell toward the pavement. I reached for the air above me uncontrollably, almost as if my body was doing it out of impulsiveness. I breathed in my lat breath, and then I closed my eyes and let myself die.

Thump.

Katelyn wrote: "This is something very different for me as it is my first time writing fantasy. (Even though I could barely call it fantasy.) I'm not very proud of this one and I didn't spend much time on it, I am..."

I liked it. I think you should add describe at how he looks and tell what he think of her or just simply give a small indication that he just likes her as a friend or something. I liked it a lot.

That was really good. I loved the emotion, but I do agree, there should have been more feelings from the boy, and make the girl tell him how she feels, or vise versa. One thing I didn't get was why she was dying. But all in all, a fantastic story, well developed characters and much emotion :) 8/10

Thanks guys :)

This was really good! I loved the detail, but at some points it was lacking just a bit of description.

Well the style of the story was to be like the last page basically. And the lack of description is because, well, her last thoughts aren't the color of his clothes or their whole past. Thanks for the comment. :)

Ah I see. It was be a fantastic ending to a story, though, and would DEFINITELY leave the readers hanging! :D

Thank you :)

Alright friends, it's been awhile. I've written a lot of stuff. But I've never posted a poem on here(?), so I thought whatever I'll try. This is probably the crappiest thing I've written in awhile, so feel free to tell me what I should fix. Or tell me if it's good (lol)!

Love is the look I used to see in your eyes everytime you saw me. Love is the way my stomach filled with butterflies when you told me you wanted me. Love is the taste you left on my lips when you'd kiss me. Love is the color of my face when you complimented me. Love is the way we fought, with fear of loss and held-in anger. Love was your messy hair and lazy smile. Love your hands on my waist, leaving tingles on my skin. Love is what I felt when my head was on your chest, feeling you breathe and hearing your light snore. Love is your face imprinted in my mind. Love is how I still miss you everyday. But you, you're the sadness inside of me, the pang in my chest before my tears. You're the note that I ripped to pieces, and then taped back together. You're the thought in my head before I wake up, and the dream before I sleep.

I'm sorry it's sappy. I know it isn't sad for you guys (which is understandable lmao) but it took a lot for me to write this. Anyways! Enjoy! Or don't!

Katelyn wrote: "Alright friends, it's been awhile. I've written a lot of stuff. But I've never posted a poem on here(?), so I thought whatever I'll try. This is probably the crappiest thing I've written in awhile,..."


I liked it. I just did not like the format of the poem. I think you should not write it as though it is a whole paragraph. Maybe a a couple returns after each line. Here is a sample of a poem to show what I mean:

I love my world.

For it's craziest

I love my world.

For it's food.

(I think you get what I mean.)

Yes! I'm rewriting it! I just wanted to post it and make sure it was worth rewriting. Thanks!

You are welcome. I really did enjoy it and like it a lot.