Questioning Society discussion

Whether it's a new trend, or is just another alarmist news/talk show hot topic, it's undeniable that young girls from High School all the way down to grade school are becoming more sexually active- Not in general, but in one sided relationships where they cater to men. I could argue for hours how the break down of the feminism movement and the sexist pop culture is to blame, but what's the point in that? The problem should be rectified, not just bitched about.

The suggestion has been posed (and vilified) that to encourage girls to be more responsible sexually and more empowered to make their own choices and have equal relationships that they should masturbate. Even for parents to give them vibrators.

The reasoning is, if a girl knows how to satisfy herself, she'll be less likely to depend on a man to indulge them. They can recognize the ability in themselves to satisfy their own needs and thus will pace their relationships slower and with common sense. They wont be ashamed of their sexuality and thus wont be in such vulnerable positions for men to pray upon.

What do you think?

How young is too young to encorage masturbation?

Actually, I have thought about this, and my idea is, if you can show them they don't need a man for sex, then they'll be less likely to go out and hook up and get and STD. They learn that a man can't give them anything physically that they can't have without him, so the rush to find one will show down.

Well, as for age, I know boys start earlier, only because it's more obvious for them to find out they can do that. Maybe once they're in high school.

But, a main opponent of that, religion, won't go down without a fight. Especially fundamentalists.

I think as far as age goes probably whenever they want to have sex. I mean, if they don't have a sex drive, don't force them to have one or give them one. They don't want sex, they don't need it.


I also heard that some girls might depend on guys because they don't have a father figure in their lives. So they go looking for that love somewhere else. (Something like that, I don't quite remember.)

in my country, the girls is must be virgin untill they are married, even a lot of girla are not again, but they are just the victim from the global live.

yes! im virgin even i like sex, but i wont do tht untill im married.

How do you know you like sex then?

I don't agree with masturbation (religious beliefs, I'm admitting it right now) but I'd rather them do that then go out and have sex. I just find it sad that people have to act on their sexual feelings and seem to have no self-restraint anymore. Waiting for marraige isn't a bad thing x.x But its their life, not mine.

It's not a bad thing to do something that is perfectly natural. It's like saying that eating means you have no self-restraint.

Why do religions like to ban everything that makes people happy? :)

My religion wants us to wait to act on sexual feelings until we're married because it's a sacred act that bonds the husband and wife, brings them as one, and also creates children. It is supposed to be fun, but is also sacred. Of course, this is in my religion.

It's just a body function. It's society that's made this big huge deal of it.

Lauren wrote: "It's not a bad thing to do something that is perfectly natural. It's like saying that eating means you have no self-restraint. "


Um, some people DON'T have self-restraint when it comes to eating.

But, to stave off eating altogether? A disorder.

Plus, if God didn't want people to do that, why would he give girls an organ whose exclusive function is pleasure?

Lauren wrote: "But, to stave off eating altogether? A disorder.

Plus, if God didn't want people to do that, why would he give girls an organ whose exclusive function is pleasure? "


Well yes, no eating IS a disorder. However so is too much eating. Many things in life need to be regulated.

Well God DOES want us to have sex. After all, he said "be fruitful and multiply". But he doesn't want to see us suffer or be in pain. And if you have sex with someone who you think is the right one but they turn out not to be, it's going to hurt when the break-up comes. That's why it's good to wait.

But, the point of this is, you can have the fun of sex, but without the guy involved.

Like Ninja said, God doesn't want you to NOT have sex. Furthermore, most religions (I assume we’re talking about your bigger Christian/Jewish/Muslim ones) don't ban things that are enjoyable, but demand that people do these things in the right context and with restraint.

ANYTHING can be good, in moderation.

ANYTHING can be a detriment, if over indulged.

There's a difference between waiting until you're married and waiting until you love someone.

Or doing it yourself until you find either of those two.

In religions in which you can't have sex, you tend to marry the first person you love, so it's the same thing.

Well, that's dumb, in a whole world of people, to only be able to try out sex if you're already stuck with them.

Look at it this way, you wont ever have anything to compare it to.

Well, that's like buying the first shirt you try on, even if it's not perfect. Because you have no idea how good it could really fit if you allowed yourself to shop around.

If you only have one life and no wishful thinking afterlife, then you can't afford to settle for second best.

You're comparing partners to buying something? I'd rather not compare my life partner to a shirt, thanks. Because people are completely different from shirts and sex is ten worlds different from purchasing one. With premarital sex there's a bigger chance of STDs and pregnancy before marriage. I'd rather have reassurance that the person I'm having sex with won't just walk out and leave and never come back.

That may be true, Lauren, if marriage was meant to be a purely sexual union.

It's SUPPOSE to be a partnership between lovers and friends, and the sexual aspect is only a part of it. Attraction is purely mental, and the sexual chemistry is as well. How well your partner or you perform? That won't be fantastic (to say the least) if you are both going into it with no experience. If your sexual needs are different, well, then you need to rely on your partnership and grow together. Indulge in each other's sexual needs.

If you just want a f*ck buddy, then just have a f*ck buddy. Don’t get married.

(Can we curse on here? I edited it just in cast...)

"You're comparing partners to buying something? I'd rather not compare my life partner to a shirt, thanks. Because people are completely different from shirts and sex is ten worlds different from purchasing one. With premarital sex there's a bigger chance of STDs and pregnancy before marriage. I'd rather have reassurance that the person I'm having sex with won't just walk out and leave and never come back."

HELLO, metaphor. Looking for love is like shopping. You go in, see what fits, what doesn't, and hope you find the perfect outfit.

I'm saying is, like finding out about his personality, and living together for a while to see how it works, why would sex be any different? It a part of the relationship that needs to be explored before you fully commit.

That's why you don't live together... So you don't have sex before marriage. You can really get to know someone without having sex. And if you truly are in love, if you truly care for each other and honestly are meant to be together then of course you're going to be sexually compatible.

Of course, neither side will win this debate because we'll never change each other's minds :) So I may just poof away from this subject...

You can explore sexual compatibility without entering colitis.

We need a virginity until marriage topic...These poor masturbating kids aren't being talked about...

Poor? I think not. It's another step to being totally self-sufficient. You don't need the guy for fun, so you are less likely to hook up and get STDs.

That was my point...

J wrote: "There's a difference between waiting until you're married and waiting until you love someone."


Well ya, but there are lots of people who THINK they love someone but that person ends up cheating or something, there are just too many scenarios. Now I'm not saying that's how things always go, but something's not right when 51% teen marriages are ending before the age of 25. But I once heard something great on a show: "I don't think we should have sex to see if we love each other." I can't exactly remember what the second part of the quote was, but it went something like this: "I think we should when we love each other."
I think many people get it backwards.

People can still cheat if they're married

GreenDaisy BlackStem wrote: "People can still cheat if they're married"

Yes of course, but if you wait for a couple years until you're sure there the one than there is less chance of that. It's going to be hard to find someone who for sure what cheat, yes, but I think the chances are less likely if you've known the person longer.

Ninja wrote: "Yes of course, but if you wait for a couple years until you're sure there the one than there is less chance of that. It's go..."

Not true. Think of guys. They'll ALWAYS wonder what it's like to have sex with another woman.

Jayda wrote: "You can really get to know someone without having sex."

How would you know? Since I'm assuming you're a virgin.




Just because some people have sex to see IF they love someone instead of WHEN they do doesn't mean it should be wrong to do it before marriage. Everyone should have the right to decide when and with who they want to have sex with. If it's such a personal experience, why is society allowed to say when it should happen?

J wrote: "Just because some people have sex to see IF they love someone instead of WHEN they do doesn't mean it should be wrong to do it before marriage. Everyone should have the right to decide when and with who they want to have sex with. If it's such a personal experience, why is society allowed to say when it should happen?"


Of course it IS a personal choice. I just think that the better you know a person, the less chance that they will get their heart broken. I mean, living with a person or getting married isn't necessarily going to help that. Just time and a real relationship. If someone feels like they have to have sex with someone for the other person to love them, I think that's wrong. If someone doesn't respect you enough to be okay with your boundaries, they probably aren't for you. Sex shouldn't be the basis for a relationship. Because if you give that person the sex they want, what then? You can only have one first time, then it's gone. If you waste on someone who is going to just have sex and leave, why do you need to be with them?

And because it is personal, it should be important that it's the right person.

Ninja wrote: "J wrote: "Just because some people have sex to see IF they love someone instead of WHEN they do doesn't mean it should be wrong to do it before marriage. Everyone should have the right to decide wh..."

that's why they have prostitutes


TYLER!

Ninja wrote: "J wrote: "Just because some people have sex to see IF they love someone instead of WHEN they do doesn't mean it should be wrong to do it before marriage. Everyone should have the right to decide wh..."

Well, yes. I agree with this.

And either sex or masturbation both need to be regulated, like H kind of said. I mean, if you live your life for sex....I just don't think that's much of a life.

(I saw part of 1000 ways to die and some chick died from like having sex with a carrot.....)

WHAT GIVES THE GOVERNMENT THE RIGHT TO REGULATE OUR SEX LIVES.

Plus, normal people can masturbate and not become sex maniacs. And it's not "living your life for sex" it's a normal thing to do, like how most people don't "live their life for eating" even though everyone does.

Lauren wrote: "WHAT GIVES THE GOVERNMENT THE RIGHT TO REGULATE OUR SEX LIVES.

Plus, normal people can masturbate and not become sex maniacs. And it's not "living your life for sex" it's a normal thing to do, li..."

What a fun topic! Just to step in and offer a male perspective, if you can show me a male over sixteen years old who has never masturbated, I'll show you a male who has a serious hormonal problem.

All males masturbate (or near enough as makes no difference). Unmarried ones. Married ones. Ones with ten girlfriends. Ones with ten boyfriends. Priests. Rabbis. Mullahs. It is almost certain that the Pope himself has masturbated, whether or not he does it regularly now. It's your equipment, and if you don't learn how to use it, how can you expect it to work for you when you need it? Not to mention that powerful rush of testosterone that hits you around age 13 and that actually makes you a bit crazy until you learn to cope with it. Masturbation is part of that coping, and is indeed an important part of being self-sufficient in life.

Sexual frustration sucks, and it is very rare that any two people have precisely matched sexual drives. Even if they do at one age, they're unlikely to be well matched at another. And then there are diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer, stroke that can render one or the other partner incapable of adequate sexual function or neutralize their sex drive altogether. Masturbation is a harmless equalizer, filler as it were, that permits two imperfectly matched people to live together and love together without one person constantly having to accomodate the other without any real urge to do so. And I mean masturbation for men AND women -- your future husbands are rather more likely to become sexually dysfunctional than you are, ladies, and it often happens just when you reach an age where pregnancy is no longer possible, life stresses are reduced, and your sex drive is peaking.

Now I personally am a secular humanist, and think that there is nothing wrong with it for either sex and indeed it is rather healthy, a sign of a well adjusted libido. For men at least, regular orgasms quite literally prevent prostate cancer. For both sexes, they cause the release of hormones that help keep you young and functional. We evolved to stay alive as long as there is a chance of having children, and to die shortly thereafter to get out of their way. The hormones released in sex signal your body that you're not done yet, and your body responds by remaining healthier, longer.

As for "sin" -- what a ridiculous concept! Who is harmed? Absolutely no one. Masturbating beats the hell out of the many acts, from rape to warfare and murder, carried out by people who are sexually repressed and get to the point where their own hormones won't let them think. The fantasies that generally accompany the act are also a good index of your sexual orientation without having to actually act as Lauren often recommends -- kiss a guy, kiss a girl, compare.

For a woman it is especially important, because it is actually not terribly easy for a woman to have an orgasm during intercourse, especially if she's never had an orgasm at all. It requires both a loving and attentive partner and a solid, uninhibited knowledge of your own responses so that you can guide them to do what they need to do to make you happy. The literature abounds with stories of women who were married for decades and never had a single orgasm. They didn't know how, didn't dare touch themselves to find out, and whatever their man did during sex didn't do it.

What a tragedy.

rgb

Lauren wrote: "WHAT GIVES THE GOVERNMENT THE RIGHT TO REGULATE OUR SEX LIVES.

Plus, normal people can masturbate and not become sex maniacs. And it's not "living your life for sex" it's a normal thing to do, like how most people don't "live their life for eating" even though everyone does."


However, sex is not required to live whereas food is.

J wrote: "Not true. Think of guys. They'll ALWAYS wonder what it's like to have sex with another woman."

Won't women too always wonder? Despite sitcom cliches, men aren't more sexual than women. Their sexuality is just expressed differently.

J wrote: "Just because some people have sex to see IF they love someone instead of WHEN they do doesn't mean it should be wrong to do it before marriage. Everyone should have the right to decide when and with who they want to have sex with. If it's such a personal experience, why is society allowed to say when it should happen?"

I don't think the argument is that it's WRONG to have sex before marriage, but that it isn't ridiculous. It's a personal choice and it's one modern culture scoffs at, but I think it's commendable.

Ninja wrote: "(I saw part of 1000 ways to die and some chick died from like having sex with a carrot.....) "

LOL......Do you have a Youtube clip of that?

rgb wrote: "It is almost certain that the Pope himself has masturbated, whether or not he does it regularly now."

That brings up a great idea for a comic where the Pope has to justify to his doctor why he needs Viagra. Maybe "It's hard to hear God if the blood vesicles aren't in working order, get me? Get me?"

I'll submit it to the NewYorker.

Ninja wrote: "Lauren wrote: "WHAT GIVES THE GOVERNMENT THE RIGHT TO REGULATE OUR SEX LIVES.

Plus, normal people can masturbate and not become sex maniacs. And it's not "living your life for sex" it's a normal thing to do, like how most people don't "live their life for eating" even though everyone does."


However, sex is not required to live whereas food is."

Since you guys are stuck on the food thing...here is my own analogy...

You wouldn't give a child who has no teeth yet a stake for dinner.

You wouldn't give a young child as much food as their parent to eat, because the portions would be too big and the child just doesn't need that much.

The same thing is for sex. Sexuality is natural, and it must be indulged, and it is healthy (physically, mentally, ect, ect,) but different levels of sexuality are healthy for specific levels of personal maturity and relationships maturity.

Should teenagers have sex? I don't think so. They aren't mature enough and their brain hasn't fully formed enough to understand the repercussions of what sex could bring. They aren't prepared for the dependancy that is formed chemically.

Should teenagers masturbate? If they want to, go for it. Jerk off all day long as long as it isn't in a public place.

Now, should tweens and children masturbate? Well, they do naturally, as you'll see kids walk around with their hands in the diapers...So, I would leave that up to the parents discretion.

"However, sex is not required to live whereas food is."

My hypothesis is, the only people who say it's bad are the ones who've never tried it. ;)

"You wouldn't give a child who has no teeth yet a stake for dinner. "

Exactly. But as teeth are an obvious and predictable structure, sexuality isn't.

Only if you don't understand it.

Teeth may be something tangible, but do you need to know the evolution of them and the genetic make up to use them? No. Just because you can't comprehend all the nuances of sex doesn't mean you can't have some basic understanding in which to use it at the right time and place.

it's their choice. It's not like they're making you date yourself, so if it tech doesn't affect you, what the heck? Let them rule their on love life.

♥ Bella♥ {Hold Me: I’m a Fermata} wrote: "it's their choice. It's not like they're making you date yourself, so if it tech doesn't affect you, what the heck? Let them rule their on love life.
"

So if what doesnt effect you? Technology?

I think I started masturbating at about the age of eleven. It's a lot better than being sexually frustrated all day.

To those who are genuinely interested in human sexuality, I'd recommend a great book by Mary Roach named Bonk. You learn lots of interesting tidbits.

Interesting debate to read.

Sex before marriage is not a bad thing to do. The end.

Just because you believe that doesn't mean it's the truth for everyone.

There is no right and wrong in moral issues, it's up to everyone to make their own call.

H wrote: "Just because you believe that doesn't mean it's the truth for everyone.

There is no right and wrong in moral issues, it's up to everyone to make their own call."

Um, except when their "call" hurts other people. Which this doesn't, I agree.

Call me old fashioned, but I think rape, robbery and murder are wrong across the board. Sure, it's really a "social contract" kind of wrong, but one I powerfully endorse.

rgb

Being a guy i hear about how other guys feel n think about the subject n guys that try n force their gfs 2 have sex by sayin shit like "If you dont you dont love me" or being in a situation close 2 haveing sex n she says no n he says dont be stupid or its no big deal. I HATE GUYS LIKE THAT!!!!! they give the rest of up a bad rep.

im a virgin n i want my first time 2 b with another virgin (thats a girl) that i love, but the girl i like right now isnt a virgin n its keepin me from askin her out. we r realy close friends n we r gona b room mates after high school so . . .idk what im gona do.

sorry for goin off on my little story