Penny for Your Thoughts discussion

"All goes well?" A man with a gruff voice spoke.
"Yes, sir." An engineer nodded hastily as he quickly did some finishing touches to the code. He frowned at the screen, then hit the Enter key. "Project is complete, sir." The gruff voiced man cleared his throat. "How long until launch?" The engineer whispered briefly with his co-workers and turned back to the gruff voiced man once more. "If everything goes well, half an hour." The gruff voiced man nodded. "Very well." He turned to leave, but turned back to say more. "The fate of this Project hinges on you. Failure will result in execution, do you understand?" The gruff voiced man said gruffly, and walked away, closing the door shut behind him.
The engineer blew a sigh of relief. He had time, he was sure of it. Just a few more minutes.... He quickly created a new code file, and added long strands of code as fast as he could. He saved the file, and added it to his flash drive that he hid on the back of his computer. "You're the last hope for my little girl." He whispered, and his co-workers eyed him curiously. "Protect her." He murmured, and got up from his seat, walking out the door.
He walked briskly down the hallway, muttering words that he himself could not understand. His vision was starting to blur, little by little. "No, no, no. Not now!" He cursed silently. He opened a door with "Subject 00" on the label. A subject that was deemed useless and a sure fail. He quickly plugged the flash drive to a computer beside the test tube and uploaded the code. "C'mon, hurry! I don't have much time!" He muttered, his hands starting to shake uncontrollably. The screen flashed, and the whole compound's electricity stopped for a few heartbeats, and then came back on. The engineer stared at the subject for a few more moments, his vision getting blurrier by the second. "Protect her." He whispered, his mouth suddenly dripping blood. He wiped it away, swallowing down the blood in his mouth, almost gagging at the taste. He rushed out the door, and ran toward the nearest window. It was a ten-story fall, but it was a better fate than to see the Project succeed. He was so close. Just a few more steps and he would finally be free of his guilt...
BANG.
The sound of a gunshot echoed the hallway, ending the engineer's life prematurely. "You are useless now that the Project is now complete. I just forgot to bring my gun so I could shoot you in your work station." The gruff voiced man spoke. "I shot you in the back. I'll let you bleed to death." Tears rolled from the engineer's cheeks. It would've been better to have splattered on concrete. That way, they would not survive. They would die together. But now, one would die. And one would survive. Hopefully his family had heeded his instructions.... The engineer closed his eyes, and prepared for the finale....


A figure exploded from the carcass, sending blood and body parts splattering across the hall. A figure encased in moving darkness, every step he took made his image shiver like a mirage. The gruff voiced man fired his gun until he ran out of bullets, but the bullets simply disappeared within the figure. The figure thrust his hand toward the gruff voiced man, and the man started to yell. His yells turned to screams. His screams turned to nothingness, as his body disintegrated from existence. The figure then dropped to the floor, and the moving darkness faded away from him, as the body of a boy around 4 years old with dark hair revealed as the darkness faded away. He gasped as if he had ran out of air, and the workers stumbled back, afraid. The boy pointed his finger at the door labeled "Subject 00" and murmured, "Shiroku" and closed his eyes, asleep.


There is no right or wrong.
It is only a matter of perspective.

Where there is light, there must be darkness.
Where there is chaos, there must be order.
Wherever they are, there must be balance.

Any tips? I'm a little rusty.

Small syntactical things: new paragraph every time someone new starts speaking. Gruff voiced man saying something gruffly is a little odd. You tell instead of show at various points ("I shot you in the back, I'll let you bleed to death").

Not sure how I feel about the story so far, it seems a little cliche. However, as it develops further, I'm sure you'll cultivate something exciting.

Rudyards wrote: "Small syntactical things: new paragraph every time someone new starts speaking. Gruff voiced man saying something gruffly is a little odd. You tell instead of show at various points ("I shot you in..."

Rudy put it best; a bit cliche, especially the 'prophecy' bit at the end. It seems like something I've definitely heard before. There is something intriguing about what you could do with the plot, however--keep going!

Thanks!

Lately I've had a problem with my ideas, as they intertwine themselves with other ideas, regardless of whether they were mine or not. ^^"'

Ah, the curse of authordom. Too often it becomes difficult to sift through ideas that may have already been used.