LATE NIGHT discussion
JOKES
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BLOND
There were 3 girls, a red head, a brunnett, and a blonde. They get stranded on an island. The car they were in gets washed away by the water. They each got to bring one thing. The red head got food, the brunnett got water and the blonde girl got the car door. They asked her of all things why she got that, and she replied, "I got it just in case you wanted to get something out of the car."
Now how dumb is that?! I got this joke from a boy at school.
Now how dumb is that?! I got this joke from a boy at school.
A ugly brunette, a stupid red head, and a blonde came to a magic mirror. The mirror told them that if they told the truth, they would get 3 wishes. If they lied, they would disappear. So the brunette went up and said,
"I'm the prettiest girl in the whole world," and poof, she disappeared. So the red head went up to the mirror and said,
"I'm the smartest girl in the whole world," and poof, she disappeared. So the blonde went up to the mirror and said,
"I think..." and poof, she disappeared.
"I'm the prettiest girl in the whole world," and poof, she disappeared. So the red head went up to the mirror and said,
"I'm the smartest girl in the whole world," and poof, she disappeared. So the blonde went up to the mirror and said,
"I think..." and poof, she disappeared.
A blonde walked into a Target and says to the man, "I'd like to buy that TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he says.
That night she dyes her hair red. She's goes back the next day
"I'd like to buy that TV," she says.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he says.
That night she dyes her hair brown. She goes back the next day.
"I'd like to buy that TV."
"sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
That night she dyes her hair blonde again and goes up to the man the next day.
"How did you know I was blonde the whole time?" she asks, and the man replies,
"because that's a microwave."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he says.
That night she dyes her hair red. She's goes back the next day
"I'd like to buy that TV," she says.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he says.
That night she dyes her hair brown. She goes back the next day.
"I'd like to buy that TV."
"sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
That night she dyes her hair blonde again and goes up to the man the next day.
"How did you know I was blonde the whole time?" she asks, and the man replies,
"because that's a microwave."
There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. They were stranded on an Isand and land was 1,000 feet away. So the red head swam 250 miles stopped and drowned. The brunette swam 300 miles stopped and drowned. The blonde swam 500 miles, got tired and swam 500 miles back
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A woman was watching the news when she saw a traffic report. So she called up her husband, who was blonde and on his way home from work.
"Watch out, there's some crazy guy driving on the wrong side of the road!" says says.
"No..." he says, "everyone's driving on the wrong side of the road!"
"Watch out, there's some crazy guy driving on the wrong side of the road!" says says.
"No..." he says, "everyone's driving on the wrong side of the road!"
A blonde, a brunette, an a red head escape from jail (the brunette was in there because she was FRAMED!). They run down the road and come to a barn, where they hide from the police. Inside the barn, there are 3 potato sacks, and each girl gets into one.
The police come into the barn and come up to the sack where the brunette is hiding.
"Meow," the brunette says.
"Oh, that's just a sack of kittens," the police say, when go to the next sack, where the red head is.
"Woof!" the red head says.
"Oh, that's just a sack of puppies," the police say, then go to the next sack, where the blonde is hiding.
the blonde says "Potato potato!
The police come into the barn and come up to the sack where the brunette is hiding.
"Meow," the brunette says.
"Oh, that's just a sack of kittens," the police say, when go to the next sack, where the red head is.
"Woof!" the red head says.
"Oh, that's just a sack of puppies," the police say, then go to the next sack, where the blonde is hiding.
the blonde says "Potato potato!
A Brunette, a redhead, and a blonde was about to prosecuted in the 1800's. (Thats when they just shot you.) The Leader asks the Brunette to come forward and she did. He asks "Do you have any last words"
The Brunette replies "No"
The Leader starts "Ready, aim..."
the brunette points and yells "TORNADO!!" and everyone looks around terrified and she gets away.
Next was the read head.
Leader asks "Any last words?"
She replies "No"
Leader starts "Ready, Aim..."
The Redhead points and yells "TIDAL WAVE" and again everyone turns in fear. and she gets away.
Well the blonde has caught on to this point (Yell some type of disaster and get away! she thinks)
The leader asks "Any last words?"
Blonde "No"
Leader starts "Ready, Aim..."
And the blonde points and yells "FIRE"
One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."
"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"
"No I'm a blonde", she replies.
"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.
"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"
"No I'm a blonde", she replies.
"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.
☠♥$h☮rty♥☠ wrote: "One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught..."
i don't get it
a blonde girl went to get a haircut. she brought her ipod with her. the person giving her the hair cut told the blonde girl to take the ear phones out of her ear,the blonde girl said "no, no, just cut around the ear phones!" the hair person said "no take them out". so the hair person yanked the earphones out of the blonde girls ear,the blonde person started choking and turning blue, and then died,after she died, the hair person took the ear phones and started listening... "breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out," is wat came out of the earphones
there was a brounet jumping on train tracks she was saying "78 78 78 78 78 78 78" then this blonde came along and ask what she was doing...she told her and so the blonde joined her on the train tracks and started jumping... then when the train came along the brounet jumped off while the blonde stayed on... after the train ran over the blonde and killed her the brounet started jumping on the train tracks saying "79 79 79 79 79"
this blonde goes into this library and goes up to the desk and says "i would like to order a cheese burger, a large thing of fries, and a chocolate milkshake." and the librarian says sorta snotty, "ma'am this is a library" and then the blonde thinks and says "oh sorry, sorry" then in a very quiet voice says "i would like to order a cheese burger, a large thing of fries, and a chocolate milkshake."
a russian an american were fighting over who deserves to be known the first in space or the first person on the moon a blonde walks in and says "well guess what? I'm going to be the first to the sun!" The Russian and American burst out laughing. "Thats stupid!" They say. "The heat will kill you!" The blonde replies, "Well I'm going at night! Of Course!"
a burnett, a blond, and a red head all get captured by a vicious tribe. They tell the three prisoners that if they can walk up ten stairs of the're magical staircase, they would let them go free.the magic stair case would tell jokes at each step. they would have to make it up ten stairs without laughing. the burnett starts first but only gets on the second step be fore she bursts out laughing. the red head went next and get on the 5th step before laughing. The blond starts last. she gets all the way up to the nineth step before she bursts into a fit of laughter. when they are all talking in heven, the burnett asked the blond: 'why did you start laughing?! you were so close!' and the blond answers: 'Well, I finally got that one.'
a blond was speeding down a highway and got pulled over by a blond police officer. the officer asked for her drivers license and the driver asked, "What's a license?" the cop said, "It is a little rectangle with your picture on it." the driver rummaged through her purse and pulled out a rectangular mirror and handed it to the officer. the officer looked at the mirror and said, "Ma'am, if i had known ou were a police officer, i wouldn't have pulled you over."
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out. After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
Q=question A=Answer
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over. The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
I LOVE this one...A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
I've already heard a lot of those, but those are funny! lol!
I'm really a fan of this group! It's 1.30 a.m. and I'm still here! lol
ESCUSE ME BLONDS KICK BUTT!
but i am a smart blond and I don't realy like my features so ummm carry on
but i am a smart blond and I don't realy like my features so ummm carry on
bunny ur a smart blond and don't you forget it girl!!
I am a straight A, platnum Blond so BOO YA!
hiiii!! all the blondes i know are the smartest in the class!!! :)
I had a friend who was a smart blonde. One day my dad told the blonde joke "Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? Bcuz she ate all the W's!" and she said "huh?"
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
This blonde was driving home one day on the highway when suddenly she saw a dead rabbit. She put on her brakes and screeched to a stop. Behind her were tons of other cars. She got out of her car and began asking all the people behind her if they had a can of hairspray. One person asked her why she had stopped and why she needed hairspray. The blonde told him to come to the front of her car. So he went to the front and saw a dead rabbit laying there. The person gave her a can of hairspray. The blonde replied, "Thank you." And the guy said, "Why do you need the hairspray?" The blonde sprayed it all over the rabbit and said, "The bottle says it revives dead hairs."
A blonde walking the streets of Hollywood wanted to prove that she really wasn't stupid so she asked a random person on the street to ask her a question. The man said, "Ok what's closer the moon or Florida?" The blonde then responded "Well duh can you see Florida?"
three guys were sitting at a consruction site eating their lunch. a blonde, a burnette, and a red head every day they ate the same sandwhich. the burnette ate turkey. the red head ate ham, and the blonde ate bologne. the burnette opened his lunch and said, "if i have to eat turkey one more time i'm going to jump off this building."
the red head opened his lunch and said, "if i have to eat ham again, i'm going to jump off this building."
the blonde opened his lunch and said, "if i have to eat bologne again, i'm going to jump off this building."
the next day they opened their lunches and found; turkey, ham, and bologne. so they jumped.
at their funerals thier wifes were talking.
"if only i knew he didn't want turkey!" said the wife of the burnette.
"If only I knew he didn't want ham!" said the wife of the red head.
they both looked at the wife of the blonde and she said, "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
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