Speaker Geeks! discussion

What do you think? Why would they do that?

I've talked a lot with people who have cut and I've self-harmed as well, and it's a really hard thing to stop once starting. Exercise is good in some cases but is often lacking what cutting gives people.

Well for me it just happened in the spur of moment. I was upset People have a hard time asking for help and too often others are unwilling to give it.

To be honest, I think its very weird and wrong to cut yourself. Instead of sitting there cutting and drawing blood from your wrists, you should try to help people out. Maybe you will be satisfied by doing something well for others instead of making your own life "worse"

At the time you feel happier as some put it much like nicotine or any other drugs you have a need for it when the going gets rough you just want to relieve yourself get yourself away from reality. Well at least that's my experience.

I can't really judge. I hope no one does it but if you do then it's not exactly your fault - some circumstance beyond your control led you to do it. If you do it then there has to be a reason, and who am I to judge? I can discourage the practice but more than that...is really beyond my control. And I've never known a cutter so...

I agree with what chlo said. I know I girl that cuts herself because she doesn't know what else to do with herself. Then another one of my friends did it for attention. But honestly, if you have that much emotional pain, people become desperate, and so it isn't exactly there fault

yeah, i mean people don't choose to be depressed or to cut themselves. It's something that's out of their control and us making them feel bad about that doesn't help - it probably increases how much of that activity they do.

Yes definitely

Chlo wrote: "yeah, i mean people don't choose to be depressed or to cut themselves. It's something that's out of their control and us making them feel bad about that doesn't help - it probably increases how muc..."

Can't one choose not to cut? Its not like it is an involuntary action. I can't control when I get sad...but I certainly can control cutting my own wrists.

True but when things feel so bad that you resort to cutting, and then the cutting leads to euphoria, it's almost an instinctual reaction. Something has to cause the want/need to cut

As someone who's cut, and now has has stopped, it's pointless. I was hurt, bullied, and completly blacked off, but it's got my same view as suicide. I understand why people view it, why it's tempting, but it isn't nececearry. There is so much you can do, and frankly I find it un-neccecary. Self hate is a circle, and the person need water poured on their head or a serious look inside themself.

Lia wrote: "Chlo wrote: "True but when things feel so bad that you resort to cutting, and then the cutting leads to euphoria, it's almost an instinctual reaction. Something has to cause the want/need to cut"

..."

Its not really like a choice we have (ive cut, im trying to stop tho) Things get so bad and you start not being able to handle stuff and it makes you so low, so you start looking for a distraction, something to distract you from the pain inside so you make pain on the outside to make the pain on the inside go away even if its just for a little while

I think the whole reason that cutting is a major problem with teens is it allows us to fall into a cycle. We blame our cutting on depression and our depression on our cutting. Keeping yourself in that loop is just going down the drain. We constantly push away people who say "Just be happy" but really, cutting is a choice, just like anything else.

Hope and love are beautiful things wrote: "Lia wrote: "Chlo wrote: "True but when things feel so bad that you resort to cutting, and then the cutting leads to euphoria, it's almost an instinctual reaction. Something has to cause the want/ne..."

But you can choose not to do it dude... Ik it's hard. Sometimes I have the temptation to cut myself. A lot lately. But then I do something else, and I feel better than I know I would have if I'd self-harmed. Because I'm proud that I know I'm strong enough not to. So guys, just don't start, don't do it :( it makes me SO sad.

Rose wrote: "I think the whole reason that cutting is a major problem with teens is it allows us to fall into a cycle. We blame our cutting on depression and our depression on our cutting. Keeping yourself in t..."

YES. That's true. IT IS your choice whether or not you're going to cut. Depression doesn't HAVE to dictate your life. And most teens in the US... well, a lot of them just feel sorry for themselves and they think they have depression and blahblahblah. Sadness is temporary. Depression isn't, and that's why you usually need medication. It is an illness. Not just a "I feel uglier than the most 'popular' person in school. I hate my life it's so horrible." Ya know?

But Ik that there are a lot of people that DO have some serious problems and are in a tough place. And you know what? Those are usually the people that keep silent and then cut as a result of that :/

I think a lot of self harm and specifically cutting, stems from frustration. With yourself, with your peers, with your life. When you reach a point where you feel so done with everything you are just looking for some way to relieve the anger and the pain. When you cut, to a certain extent, it's along the lines of relieving some of the emotional/mental pain and proves to be a distraction, if only for a little while.

That being said, cutting when you are hurting is like slamming a table or throwing something when you are upset. You have so many instincts telling you to go for it while you are trying to remain rational. This is something that you can't just easily refrain from and tell yourself no. Sometimes the answer is just not that simple.

Lia wrote: "Everyone keeps emphasizing how it's a method of coping, no one denied it in the first place.

What I've been trying to say is that cutting creates more problems than it solves (let's face it, it d..."

Well the original question was "why would they do that" ... That being said, the choice of whether or not to cut is not as easy as just saying 'yes' or 'no.' It is not anywhere near that simple for many people. Sometimes the urge is incredibly strong and yes, there is always the choice not to cut but cutting at some point or another, will develop into an addiction and that is not something that you can just say no to.

Venting out your inner pain on innocent outer limbs adds up the suffering(physically)and you lose blood. I wouldn't do it as it doesn't solve the vent problem at all; instead you lose all the efforts of those broccoli chews as you waste blood in a jiffy. Makes you look stoooopid...Few do it for attention which is even worse.

Some do it as they think pain is absolute pleasure, stuffs like that; tis some ludicrous, weird, fight club, tyler durden bs.

Cutters need to read a Bushido manual and learn some Samurai honor stuff. A blade is holy, if the cut isn't honorable you aint worthy being a human being. Tadaaaaaaa!

It may be easy for you to say you wouldn't do it or its stupid or 'cutters' should know better. That's just ignorant. And if people who self harmed did it for attention I don't think they'd be trying so very hard to hide the evidence of the cuts/burns etc.

Saying that self harmers should realize there's nothing to gain and its stupid and they should stop is the equivalent of telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking as its hurting their liver and calling them stupid when they can't. Its an ADDICTION. People who cut are depressed which in case you didn't know is a mental disorder. Do call a person with ADHD stupid for not being able to stay focused? No because that's rude ignorant and disrespectful and the person making the comment is the stupid one.

And might I add: how dare you say that a person who self harms is not worthy of being a human? That's just a very despicable thing to say.

Now to the original question, cutting is a method of coping and it makes you feel better. When you feel like you're not worth anything, or like you deserve it you hurt yourself because you think you deserve the pain. And as far as those mentioned who enjoy the pain I think it's more the relief it brings if that makes sense to anyone.

Sarah wrote: "cutting is a method of coping and it makes you feel better."

I feel like when you say this, you want others to think "Maybe I should cut..." and the cycle continues.

Woah woah that is so not what I meant. Why would I want others to cut? What I was saying is that to those who do cut, its what it may feel like. I'm not promoting self harm.

Yep that post just made me wanna cut myself into little pieces...how ironic lmao

So much flaws, hypocrisy, misinterpretation in there, I may not bother quoting them ..mehhh

Care to explain?

Lia; That's why I used 'few', 'some' etc to avoid stereotyping. I can't put them all in a 'factual' shackle. I'm not accustomed what other culture do to relief pain and all...why not get a tattoo instead?! lol

Again, I think it's a stupid and 'cheap' thing to do; for an instance, in terms of junkies I have respect for spliff smokers but none for glue sniffers...Not just me but, where i live, it's a very despicable thing to do, just like sniffing glue/paint, shoplifting lol...

I consider blades holy; spilling your own blood for vents is a despicable practice; not honorable in my eyes at least. It's kind of a code I live by (part of them you can find in a Bushido manual). So I would love to avoid those who cut themselves for petty attention and mock depression...

Sarah; ignoring all your logical fallacies and comparison failures; I don't like my posts or me being called 'ignorant', especially when someone defending cutters. It's straight up disrespectful. You don't know me and my surroundings personally, so what's with the attitude?.... Manners come handy.
And yes I dare again to say this; if the cut isn't honorable you're not worthy of being a human being.
Hope next one wont come and say something like; 'he was depressed so he molested a kid; so not his fault'...smh

I was medically treated for depression once; it left me basically with 2 simple options; 'fight it hard' or 'kill yourself'..But I was too far away from thinking about harming myself in cheap ways. Get it?

What do you mean by a cut being honourable?

I guess I find it bad to cut yourself but in a different way. To me, your body is sacred (note. I'm not Christian but I grew up in a Christian society and a Methodist school) it is something I have always thought you shouldn't destroy what you have been given, you won't achieve your freedom in death when you kill yourself.

Lia wrote: "Shweta wrote: "Lia wrote: "Everyone keeps emphasizing how it's a method of coping, no one denied it in the first place.

What I've been trying to say is that cutting creates more problems than it ..."

The point is that the state of mind does not in any way excuse it, but it helps in allowing people to understand what is happening and why. And stating that there is a choice is obvious, of course there is a choice. But that's not the matter at question. It's the fact that saying no is near impossible just based on the pure basis that the urge is much too strong. Even to do it the first time. The urge the first time is generally incredibly strong, and it slowly develops into an addiction.

Somnambulist wrote: "Lia; That's why I used 'few', 'some' etc to avoid stereotyping. I can't put them all in a 'factual' shackle. I'm not accustomed what other culture do to relief pain and all...why not get a tattoo i..."

'I have respect for spliff smokers but none for glue sniffers.' So what are you saying? Go hard or go home? You respect people who do extremely destructive things but not people who do destructive things on a lesser scale? Really?

And once again, harming yourself in cheap ways? I find that incredibly offensive and disrespectful. To say you don't agree with self harm is one thing. To make someone inferior and claim that they are not worthy of being a human being? THAT is an INCREDIBLY disrespectful thing to say.

And just adding on to your other post, I don't think self harm is cowardly in the slightest. Do you honestly believe that it easy to take a blade to your skin? To be in so much emotional and psychological pain and trying to push through it and the only way you can manage TO push through, is through self harm; to destroy your own body? This is not me justifying or condoning self harm, this is me trying to paint you a picture of what it is like to be self harmer. The fact that you try to keep going, using any means possible to help you keep going, well I don't think that is cowardly in the slightest.

Somnambulist wrote: "No H99; we're talking about honor in spilling blood right (you don't injure an animal, you rather leave it or kill it)...lol vegetables cutting honor must be in a cook's discipline.

And the only thing my post is trying to convey despite whatever you may think, is a little thing called empathy.

Shweta; For a ..."

I really don't appreciate the tone youre conveying right there. Despite what you wrote, it's pretty clear what your intent is. You criticize Sarah for being "rude" to you? I give you my honest opinion in the most respectful way I can manage and you do the exact same to me, that you claim she did to you. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

And another thing. Despite what you may think, a great deal of my previous post reflected a little thing called empathy.

I agree with Shweta on every point she has made.

Also, no every post discussing what it's like to be a self harmer is 'inspirational' to others suffering with the problem. It is also not a promotion of it. It's simply stating the perspective of those who harm themselves.

And if you believe that the comments me or Shweta or anyone else have made explaining what it's like to self harm is a promotion of it, then perhaps you should also consider what you've said about either 'ending it like a failed warrior or fighting like those among you'. That is basically like saying (as Shweta said) to either go all the way or not at all. Is that not promotion of suicide then?

I can see where Som is coming from. I agree with his statement that you shouldn't sit on the fence, you should either do something completely or not at all. (Preferably not in this case doing it completely)

Somnambulist wrote: "Oh ok Shweta, Sarah. Sorry about that then..

H99 wrote: "So you mean that a person shouldn't be just cutting themselves, and it should be either die or don't cut at all?"

Meant to emphasize on li..."

When I think about it, I see cutting as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but regardless, a coping mechanism in itself. And because that is how they choose to cope or deal, I don't think it is a reasonable basis for them to just kill them self.

Obviously, i can't and won't deny that you've been through hard times but not everyone copes in the same way so i don't see why you find it okay to be degrading those who cope through self harm. As well, you are not the only one who has been through hardships. I have too, but I've still got some civility left in me. Just because you've been through a lot of tough times, does not give you the right to be an a-ho.

And to add on, you should be conveying your ideas clearer rather than expecting others to simply ignore your incoherent ramblings.

Next time you want to sound slightly competent try formulating your sentences so they are slightly comprehensible instead of blaming it on the intelligence of others.

Thinking outside of the box? More like narrow winded. Calling people who self harm, attention seeking is beyond ignorant.

And sarah is completely right. You think you've been through terrible situations? Is that supposed to justify you completely degrading other people? Everyone has their own struggles and you have absolutely no right to try and measure someone else's hardships by your own.

See, as someone who has been through self harm, I wouldn't say it's attention seeking, but I woould say that it is pointless. It's a vicious cycle!

You hate yourself(or inner probelms, ect.) so you cut
Then you feel those same issues due to cutting
And the, YOU CUT AGAIN!

Really, I spent so long harming myself that I didn't realize that I was harming others! It just causes more and more problems. In the end if you just make the choice to stop (and don't say that you can't, get rid of all sharp objects/tell anyone/ self disipline) and it will go away. No probelm just stays with you, unless YOU carry it.

Somurai wrote: "How come I missed this one..!!
Hmm not much to post now, since it seems some cutters got butthurt after being dragged out of their closets..
So next time...how about you both....p*** off..."

How about you use this thing called human decency. Have some respect, you pretentious, ignorant jerk.

Somurai wrote: "Shweta wrote: "Somurai wrote: "How come I missed this one..!!
Hmm not much to post now, since it seems some cutters got butthurt after being dragged out of their closets..
So next time...how about ..."

Here's a fun fact for you. Telling someone to go kill themselves is considered encouraging suicide and you can be jailed and fined. If I decided to go kill myself, you could actually be charged with manslaughter in some states. Just putting that out there.

And so what if I am a cutter? Is that in any way relevant to this argument? You are just bringing in needless facts about our personal lives that are completely irrelevant that serve absolutely no purpose in this conversation.

You come on this topic, completely degrade and disrespect cutters and you are going to talk to me about showing respect? Hypocritical much. You honestly make yourself seem increasingly ignorant and uneducated every time you post.

And we are different people. Is it so hard for you to believe that maybe, just maybe, not everyone is as narrow minded as you and actually has some respect for other people?

Uhm, i'm all for a good debate, but Somurai, you're just wasting your breath. Can we get a mod to kick this person out of the forum, they're just spewing filth. I'm opposed to cutting and don't think it's a formidble excuse becasue of pain, but i'll deabate it professionally and i'll try and not be offesnsive.

Somurai wrote: "Shweta wrote: "Somurai wrote: "How come I missed this one..!!
Hmm not much to post now, since it seems some cutters got butthurt after being dragged out of their closets..
So next time...how about ..."

I just wanna say its people like you who make us cutters finally finish it and kill ourselves, cutters (like myself) are sometimes the nicest people and we help other people feel better about their situation if we can cuz we dont want them to end up like us, cutters are respectful people unless we come across someone like you who treats us like we are trash and garbage just because we've been through things that are hard for us to cope with. Its not our fault we have a hard time dealing with things but it IS your fault that when we are already this low you hit us lower and treat it like its something we can fix overnight when its not, its not just like we decide "oh ima stop today" its not that simple, its exactly the same as someone trying to stop smoking. So id really appreciate it if you treated us with respect, what have we ever done to you? If you treat us like trash youre no better than the bulies and the people in our lives who put us in this situation in the first place

This is getting nasty. So sorry I've missed it in action. This is a warning. If things don't settle down immediately, this topic will be closed for the time being. This is also a warning for the offending party/parties. This will be your only warning.

I am not a cutter but I have known people who cut and some are really nice people I'm not saying its the best thing to do but it's better than killing your self right? And I bet alot of them don't necessarily want to cut but it is hard for them to stop. I'm sure once you do something so many times it is not going to be as easy to stop by just out of the blue saying I'm not going to cut any more it takes time.

I don't want this to start another agrument but i feel like all cutters have gone through a pretty rough time. and respect your opinion som. i get that your saying cuuting disresoects the blade and in some ways i agree with that. and im sorry you've gone through a lot of crap in your life. but also you have to respect that some people might not be as strong as you are. for some people a tiny foght or breakup might put them over the egde. and its their choice to cut themselves and cause them harm. but this is their choice and you have to respect it. that doesn't make it a good thing but that doesn't mean you can tell them their being stupid. its not right.

Cutting is not good. But if you can prove to me that it makes you feel better, then okay, go ahead.
But you see, most cutters cut again and again, right? They don't just do it once. So...cutting is not good. If you're a cutter, just let it all out via words. You can even send your words to my inbox. Really. Let's just have a conversation. ^_^

i know cutting isnt good and no i dont need to talk to you about anything. some people feel like the pain on the inside needs to be masked on the outside so the pain their feeling can be blamed on the cut they made. also it gives them a sense of control. that some of the pain is something that is physical, that you can see it.

liz wrote: "i know cutting isnt good and no i dont need to talk to you about anything. some people feel like the pain on the inside needs to be masked on the outside so the pain their feeling can be blamed on ..."

Hey I didn't mean it that way, that you need to talk to me. Okay, "need" is a weird word to use.
I respect your opinion, I really do. But can I ask you questions? If these are too personal, then you may not answer, okay? Do you cut often? If yes, how often?

Also, Liz, please don't think that I posted that reply for you/anyone here. I really didn't read the thread first and just answered right away. Should've read the whole thread first as this seems like a sensitive topic for some, but there are too many replies already and I realized all of these only now. *__*

i used to cut ok? and need is a weird word to use but its appropriate. because sometimes the pain iside is too much to bear so you might want a distraction or "need" it so you have something you can fully control. something you decided for yourself.