The Humour Club discussion

My eldest daughter is home for a day or two.

"Dad, that bedroom is a tip, and there's a funny smell."

"Yes, I've kept it just as you left it, darling."

I'm sorry, I seem to have misplaced my Welsh translator...

"Dad, that bedroom is a tip..."

What exactly is "a tip"?

I assume it's something like messy, which describes both my sons' rooms. I really can't say much of anything, though. When I was a kid/teen, my floor used to crunch when you walked on it.

Tip, as in short for 'rubbish tip', or for our colonial cousins 'Public refuse disposal facility'.

Tip is shorter.

Dump.

I was just enjoying that a discussion of "family" came under the heading of "weird stuff." Spot on!

Here in Wales, 'dump' has a more scatological connotation.

mind you, that's highly appropriate for my teenager's room.

It means that here, too. Multiple meanings. Though that one kind of matches, in an olfactory sense.

"I don't care what the nutritional value may be, chocolate cake does not make an acceptable breakfast before college."

Better cake for breakfast than no breakfast before class.

Though don't let my boys hear me saying that.

Pop-Tarts are basically cake-for-breakfast and my kids have them all the time.

Came home from work the other night and my son had made three huge Dagwood sandwiches on hamburger rolls.

I said, "Great, you made dinner.

He said, "Dad, they're for me. They're sliders"

My son has the appetite of Jethro from The Beverly Hillbillies.

teenagers all have hollow legs.

Even the girls who swear they are dieting.

"No, chasing the college bus three miles down the road to the next stop does not count as 'catching the bus'..."

Will wrote: "teenagers all have hollow legs.

Even the girls who swear they are dieting."

My boys are generally the exception that proves the rule. But, then, they're petit. Eldest Son eats often, but little. Second Son is kin to a boa constrictor. He's more apt to eat seldom, but in large quantities when everything is to his liking.

Rebecca wrote: "Will wrote: "teenagers all have hollow legs.

Even the girls who swear they are dieting."

My boys are generally the exception that proves the rule. But, then, they're petit. Eldest Son eats often..."

My son is built like Conan. We buy bulk.

My daughter forces us to buy bulk as well, although she is one of those 'bean pole' type of kids. I didn't really notice anything out of the ordinary until the other parents at school started commenting - apparently her snacks are as big as some kids entire lunches?!

Last night for dinner we had eggs benedict and she had three, some hashbrowns, and a giant bowl of mixed berries. Then not more than two hours later she is eating a croissant and another apple!

I've managed to train my teenager not to eat too late at night, but it wasn't easy going.

And keeping her away from chocolate cake needs a mythological monster posting guard 24/7...

Will, my Second Son is a mythological monster*. And I'm sure he'd be happy to eat the chocolate cake and thus save your daughter.

*think Welsh national symbol

Perfect. Unless I have to feed him whilst he's on guard

Will wrote: "Perfect. Unless I have to feed him whilst he's on guard"

He'll be fine once he eats the cake.

I made it you know....

Will wrote: "I made it you know...."

He has a strong stomach.

How the world turns. My teenage daughter has expressed a lack of interest in watching professor Brian Cox investigate the science of Doctor Who on BBC 2 tonight.

Dad, I'm making a cake for my boyfriend's father, who isn't very well.

Kill or cure, is it?

All right, Will - what have you got against CAKE?

Nothing, honest. Not me.

You are thinking of the lollipop scene in this, aren't you?

Just Add Spice

Not that I've read it, of course.

Sorry. Never heard of it and have no interest in reading it...unless the lollipop scene is REALLY GOOD.

Oh yes, the lollipop scene is memorable.

i'm told, he adds quickly.

Behold! The dangers of cake -

And of course, there's always this...

Isn't the bottom one (what an apposite turn of phrase!) normal for America?

Actually, we have a bizarre report over here saying that lots of us are overweight according to the BMI calculation method. That method leaves my friend Tony overweight. he's simply quite muscular from spending his working life running - quite literally- up and down hills most days of the week as a paragliding instructor.

Sadly, yes. The above is a fairly accurate picture of the American landscape. Even sadder, you guys are "gaining" on us.

I don't like the BMI scale as it doesn't seem to allow for muscle mass. The bathroom scale is the best scale to go by, and if your pants feel tight, lose weight. Don't buy new pants.

Melki wrote: "Sadly, yes. The above is a fairly accurate picture of the American landscape. Even sadder, you guys are "gaining" on us.

I don't like the BMI scale as it doesn't seem to allow for muscle mass...."

Amen to that!

Melki wrote: "Sadly, yes. The above is a fairly accurate picture of the American landscape. Even sadder, you guys are "gaining" on us.

I don't like the BMI scale as it doesn't seem to allow for muscle mass...."

What, never? Whatever would the underwear makers do if no one bought new pants?

Unfortunately, my husband apparently agrees with you, which is why he now resembles John Goodman more than George Clooney.

There will be girls who prefer John Goodman to George Clooney.

Should you find one, send her my way...

"No! I do not want to be picked up from the bus stop like a fourteen year old! Can you wait round the corner, instead?"

Must be tough with girls. We have it sort of the opposite.
"Get your hindquarters out the door. Yes, you can walk to the bus. Or else get your bike and ride to school. You're big boys. You don't need my help."

Of course, it's not about wanting mom. They are just hoping for a ride.

Rebecca wrote: "Must be tough with girls. We have it sort of the opposite.
"Get your hindquarters out the door. Yes, you can walk to the bus. Or else get your bike and ride to school. You're big boys. You don..."

Maybe if you fed them cake for breakfast...

They'll eat oatmeal and like it.

Will wrote, ""No! I do not want to be picked up from the bus stop like a fourteen year old! Can you wait round the corner, instead?"

I agree, Rebecca. It must be a gender thing. My boys have no problem getting with getting picked up. In fact, I'm usually expected to give their friends rides as well.

OK, I know I'm a fantasy author, but does that mean my toaster has to burn a portion of everything as an offering to the infernal gods????

OK, question: it is 192 pages. I can read that very fast. about an hour. So... will it make me laugh out loud? That would be a requirement...

Here are 3 very short TRUE incidents: creative writing: "At the Pool", "Babysitting in the Bahamas", "Where did my Hair Go?" Yes, all true. Rated R due to language in one story. Link on GR: https://www.goodreads.com/story/list/... I have not finished all the other ones, but sgoudl be complete sometime this week. So, go ahead, read, laugh out loud & wet yourself!

Today, we didn't catch up with the college bus. I had to intercept it, after it had passed the target.....

We celebrated on the 24th and 25th with my husband's family. Then we drove two hours and celebrated on the 25th and 26th with my family. So for four days my boys have been eating whatever they could get their hands on, almost all of it more loaded with fat and sugar than they are used to.

There are 11of us staying at my Mom's house, with three bedrooms and one bath. My boys are sleeping in the back of her car in the garage (fortunately, we brought their down bags). Last night they came back in about 10:30 to tell us Second Son had tossed his (excessive) cookies. The good news was that he got the door open and didn't puke in the car. The bad news was it was still in the garage, which is seriously full of random stuff.

I really thought by this point (the kid is 14!) I was done with cleaning up barf in the middle of the night.

Respect, Rebecca! You've got a truly Rock N Roll lifestyle!

Amen to Will's response! My first thought: the kid is already training for college life.

That's true, Lisa. My daughter was being shown around manchester University by some students after her interview, and they told her: make sure you get accommodation in Levenshulme, it's party central.

True dat. There are years of barf left in your kids. I had fun cleaning out the car this past summer when my oldest got sick on the way home from having his wisdom teeth yanked.

Cue for sick jokes..