Black Coffee discussion

Colorism, according to Wikipedia (which I believe has the best definion of the term) is the dependence of social status on skin color alone. I love their definition because they refer to colorism as a dependency which is very fitting for the term. I chose to talk about this subject for many reasons. The subject has seemingly been forcing itself upon me lately. First in a blog, then the movie Dark Girls, which isn't a new movie, has been heavily promoted lately, our Harlem Renaissance book is The Blacker The Berry and also from the many twitter hashtags I've seen saying , #teamlightskinned and #teamdarkskinned. And it made me think, does colorism really still exist? I guess it just doesn't in my world.

One of our group members, Beverly mention a book Don't Play in the Sun: One Woman's Journey Through the Color Complex. The title stood out to me because being a dark-skinned girl, I have heard that so many times in many variation as a child. Thankfully, my mother didn't suffer the color-complex so she didn't pass that on to me. But I had many others to teach me from a young age that my dark complexion was in fact a curse. While I have grown out of that slave mentality and have come to love my dark skin, this is still a subject that has cursed our race for generations.

I grew up hearing many variations of don't play in the sun. Mostly jokes from peers like, "Let me get out the sun before I be as black as Kisha," "Don't drink coffee or it'll make you blacker," oh and let me not forget my personal favorite, "you are cute to be dark-skinned," if there are ANY men reading this that has ever used that term let me be the one to tell you, that is not a compliment!!!!
I remember about 2 years ago my friends mother said to me in a very patronizing way and condescending way, "why don't you wear makeup? I know you are a tomboy (which I'm not) but you would be so much prettier if you wore makeup. Just because you are dark-skinned doesn't mean you can't be pretty."

I say all of that to say, many women have this same story for decades upon decades. Colorism is something that is taught. I make the choice to teach my kids that they are beautiful regardless of their color. One day I had my son who is dark and handsome and my nephew who is light and handsome. We were in the grocery store and a lady comes to us and say, "he is so adorable, look at those beautiful gray eyes," and totally ignores my son. Now the problem isn't that she complimented my nephew because he is handsome with beautiful grey eyes. The problem is that now my son had to see at way too young an age that some very ignorant people value a lighter complexion over darker. My son didn't seem to notice, but what if he had noticed? Than a whole new cycle, a whole new generation of color-complex would have began right then.

I sit and think about colorism as a whole, from all the books that I've read, the media, and my personal life and I realize not much has changed since the 19th century. We are still looking for the "brown paperbag" approval.

Think about the celebrities. Now I am not a fan of exploiting sex. But how many female sex symbols are dark-skinned? It is something in hollywood that is reserved for the lighter skinned. Dark-skinned singers are assumed to neyo-soul, head wrapping artist like India Arie (who I absolutely love). But you will never see a dark-skinned Beyonce. I remember seeing a magezine with Beyonce on the cover thinking, this chick is getting lighter and lighter. So light that the next was a picture of her as Marilyn Monroe (Whom I absolutely love). It has been said that beyonce has been in the media looking lighter because the closer you look to white the more acceptable she is to the pop culture. And I'm thinking how does how she look trump what she sings? How much has America really evolved?

I don't know how America will ever get out of the colorism era. But to all of those hashtagging #teamlightskinned #teamdarkskinned, please know that we are all one race. I came across an ecard of facebook that says, only black people think light-skinned and dark-skinned are two different races.

What are your thoughts on colorism and how if anyway has it affected you personally or has it affected America in your opinion?

This day and age, I "colorism" is still an issue. With all the education and access to information (via internet), we still have this problem.

I grew up in NYC, The Bronx and had parents that did not have color-complex. In fact, I was raised by my mom, stepdad, and my biological dad. So, I was surrounded by a lot of folks of all complexions. I am darkskinned. My brother and sister are light/brown skinned. But we didnt see each other this way.My parents were very comfortable within their skin and so our exposure tho colorism was minimum to non existence. We were not taught or exposed to color complexes until I moved to Queens, NYC (Jamaica).

It was in Queens where I was told by females the guys only like light skinned female ( who cares was my response) and by males "you are sooo fine for a dark skinned woman" (so light skinned is considered beautiful only? Hmm). I thought I was trapped in a time warp and couldnt believe the ignorance. But I didnt feel anyway about myself.

I still live in Queens. But live in a very diverse neighborhood called Briarwood. I chose to live in this neighborhood just because of its diversity. My children were not exposed to colorism because there are surrounded by so many cultures, this isnt the focus. My neighbors are Asian ( from all Asian countries), Russian, African American and West Indian, White American, Middle Eastern , and Latin Americans. We have a lot mixed marriages. My children's friends are very diverse.

I think we need to travel and read more. When you leave the U.S. you are exposed to other cultures. When you read about other cultures, your mind becomes open to other ideals. Its so sad we forget about the humanism of a person and focus on race,color, etc. In my opinion, colorism is just another form of racism and prejudice. And it's a form of self hatred. Before I am a darkskinned woman, I am a person first. And this goes for light skinned people who have the same issue.

I was raised by my mom, stepdad, and my biological dad. So, I was surrounded by a lot of folks of all complexions. I am darkskinned. My brother and sister are light/brown skinned. But we didnt see each other this way.

I have that same story. I was raised in a "blended family" with blended complexions. In fact my sister is half white and my little brother is half hispanic. Colorism has never been an issue in our household, it wasn't until outside influence got inside.

I think we need to travel and read more. When you leave the U.S. you are exposed to other cultures. When you read about other cultures, your mind becomes open to other ideals. Its so sad we forget about the humanism of a person and focus on race,color, etc. In my opinion, colorism is just another form of racism and prejudice. And it's a form of self hatred. Before I am a darkskinned woman, I am a person first. And this goes for light skinned people who have the same issue.

Very well put and very true. People who suffer from colorism live inside a box. Thanks for your input.

I grew up in a household where color complex was VERY MUCH an issue . . . and 'til this day I still don't understand why. My father is a dark chocolate man, my mom has a peanut butter complexion, and my stepmother is milk chocolate. Yet, the high-yellow complexion was always looked at as being more beautiful (with my dad and stepmother). My mom never had that issue and she was very vocal when I went back to live with her and had that "light skin, is the right skin" mentality. She wasn't having that! She was the one who made me appreciate my own milk chocolate skin . . . after she caught me using skin bleaching products. She was so shocked and didn't understand what would possess me to do that. Growing up with my dad, all I ever heard was how much prettier I would look if I was lighter like my little sister or my aunt (his favorite sister). And as I grew up, I saw how much more preferred light skinned girls were and I thought if I could lighten my own skin, I'd be more accepted.

Thankfully, my mom caught me that day and taught me a valuable lesson. I haven't had a problem accepting my skin color since. It's sad that so many of us have and still are experiencing and being taught to hold prejudice against our own race. I'm very grateful my daughters haven't had to suffer through those issues. Each of them have confidence and pride that I wish I'd had at their ages.

Thank you Diamond for being so candid with your story. It's truly amazing the affects that colorism has on a community. Not just for Dark-skinned people but for light-skinned as well. Hopefully we will have a time when colorism will not be an issue because it's so silly.

kisha wrote: "Thank you Diamond for being so candid with your story. It's truly amazing the affects that colorism has on a community. Not just for Dark-skinned people but for light-skinned as well. Hopefully ..."

I hope so too.

I want to comment that I always say Black is Beautiful, no matter who I hear saying something about "that Black-a$$..." or that "dark as night..." the thing is Black is nothing to be ashamed of, or turned off by. I find the plethora of color two colored-skin people can make is a reason to celebrate. There are colors you may not prefer to see wrapped around you, but to say one color is less or more is foolishness. With the advent of technology and the explanation of genes, we should see that the rainbow of black is a miracle! Also, we should help our daughters and sons by correcting them when they insult a person because of their color. Also, think universally, I don';t even allow my daughter to describe..."Mommy, did you see that White..." I say, "ahh ahh ahhh...." "What did she have on?" Or I will say, "What did she say?" there are many ways to describe someone without mentioning their color. We place so much weight on outer details, when the good stuff is inside. Honestly if there is someone who you have known as a good person but haven't been romantic with, because of their color, you could truly be missing out! (Tweet me @Vpain1) #blackisbeautiful #starvingartist

You made very good points V. Thanks for contributing to my next blog......interracial dating!