Write, Wrote, Written discussion

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Hello, Emmeline! I love the premise. The idea of sailing away invisibly. Maybe some descriptive sentences to break up the dialogue would add something to the flow? Tell us about the colors of the ships more or the smell or state of the sea, maybe. Thank you for posting!

Thanks for the feedback, Deanne!!! I admit, it is rather simple, but I really wanted to take a more indirect, childlike approach. In short, I wanted a more -what is it called?- third person objective? Where you only tell what is seen and heard vs. actual thoughts (clearly Molly is the only one who can see them, but as a child - only says the things that are most obvious/intriguing to her)

That said, your feedback is appreciated and I definitely wanted to expand on the ending later (I was rushing to get the basics down before I forgot :P)

Again, thanks for checking it out!!!! I <3 it when people respond with constructive criticism!

Great approach to write it from the child's perspective!

I love the results of "get it outta me" writing. I probably need to do some prompts or timed writing to clear some stuff out so I can focus today. :-)

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Deanna wrote: "Great approach to write it from the child's perspective!"

Thanks!! I have four little siblings, so maybe that's where some inspiration sprouted from!

As for writing exercises, that's so true! I need to do it more. ^____^

Hi Emmeline... I love this! I'm a sucker for repetition in poetry and the line length also speaks to me. Thanks for posting.

Deanna wrote: "Hi Emmeline... I love this! I'm a sucker for repetition in poetry and the line length also speaks to me. Thanks for posting."

YES!!! So am I!!! Especially when it's clever and unexpected, but fits as a whole. I'm also glad you enjoyed the poem! I had fun writing it!

I just love this

+wipes away tear+

I'm so proud.

Rubyfirewoods12=^.^= wrote: "+wipes away tear+

I'm so proud."

~cries because I made Ruby proud~

Kamiko wrote: "I just love this"

Thanks Kamiko!!!

I love the first one, Emmeline... You have lots of talent. As with you, Rubes.

Julane wrote: "I love the first one, Emmeline... You have lots of talent. As with you, Rubes."

Thanks Julane. :-)

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O.O Wowzers...that'd make a purty epic story, Emmeline...

I know right?! I was tempted to do something with it, but I'd have to think of an interesting sequence of events. Your thoughts?

Hmmmmm....

Maybe a story about the 'Mage' growing up? Kind of like 'The Graveyard Book' by Neil Gaiman, so it shows the character getting older, first starts when the 'Mage' is really young, getting ahold of powers, etc etc.... I dunno, just a thought

I've never thought about that. Maybe I'll give it a try...

:D I'd read it!!

Alright, I'll give it a shot, but I don't know how far it will go... haha!

YAY

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EMMELINE -

I like your poems, especially DOVE IN CHAINS. I'm sorry it took me so long to find my way back to this site!

Thank you!! ^__^

I love the Dove in Chains one!! The rhyming is like PERFECT XD

Thanks, Ruby. :)

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Amazingtastic!!!!

Thanks, Ruby! :)