Write Your Heart Out ツ discussion

So. I shall put my writings here. I do welcome any and all critiques, as long as they are constructive criticism and not just mean. :3

Pain was the first thing that registered in the girl's mind when she woke. The pain of the rough stone floor digging into her back and the burning of the tight shackles on her wrists and ankles underneath her sweatshirt and jeans. She blinked open her eyes with a faint groan and stirred, displacing her black hair from around her face. The girl, who looked to be only in her mid to late teens blinked up at the ceiling, barely registering the cracks in the pale cement. Then the reality hit her, and she shot to her feet-- or tried to. The chains that attached her to the floor weren't long enough, and she was jerked back to the floor painfully, cracking her tailbone on the cement with a pained cry. 

"I could've told you not to do that, sweetheart." A voice said, and the girl jerked her head up and over to face the source, her muscles tensed. "Hey, calm down. Glad you could join our little party." The voice came from a boy about her age. He was in a small room like hers, metal bars separating them. It was dark in his cell, but his hair, a bright white, shone in the darkness. 

"Who are you? Where are we? Why are we here?" The girl demanded, sitting up to face him, crossing her legs and arranging the chains as comfortably as she could. Wasn't very comfortable no matter what she did, but she did what she could. 

The boy grinned at her. "Calm down, darlin'. I'm Tanner, and this here's my sister Aubrey." The girl's eye was caught by a small movement next to him, and the meager light caught the pale and freckled color of the thin face of a young girl, maybe 15. Aubrey stirred to face the girl, and her long red hair that fell over her shoulder, which must have been beautiful when done up properly, was dull and lifeless. "And you are....?"

For the first time, the girl noticed the pair's distinctive Texas accent. "Dakota." she said after a moment. "Or Kody, to my friends." she studied the two for a long moment, the brave boy and the quiet girl huddled against him. "You two can call me kody." she said after a moment, and was rewarded by a quick flash of white as Aubrey smiled. "Now. My other two questions, please." she said, her voice becoming brisk. 

"Well, we're not exactly sure where we are. I was brought here about two years ago, when I was 15, and Aubrey arrived only a month ago." he put his arm around the silent girl's shoulders with a guilty look, and she leaned against him. "When I acted up one too many times. Where are we?" he sucked in a breath through his teeth and shook his head. "That's a different matter altogether." he looked down at the dingy floor and picked at the sleeve of his fraying sweatshirt while Kody waited patiently. "We're not sure. A prison of some sort. They didn't tell us much. Well, anything. Only that they were waiting for 'The One,' and that we wouldn't be 'trained' until she arrived. Why we're here, well...."

"That's easy." Aubrey interrupted, her sweet Texas drawl quiet. "Because we're different. In some way or another, we're all special."



((So this would be like the opening scene of a story. If you guys like it I might continue it as a mini series or something.....? What do you think?))

Yay! Thanks! I'm glad someone likes it despite the shortness of it. :3

The Teddy Bear
Or
The Little One With A Sting
((Which title do you guys like better?))


The girl's eyes were wide as she tiptoed down the hall. The seven year old looked nervous, biting her lip. Where was her sister? Their parents were gone for the evening, and her older sister was supposed to be watching her. Her long, dark red hair was in a braid down her back, pulled away from her pale, freckled face. "Julie?" she called softly, her bare feet silent on the carpeted floor of the hallway. There was a stuffed bear clutched tightly in her hand, and her grip on it tightened when her sister didn't respond. "Juliet!" she called, her tone now panicky. "Juliet!" 

There was a noise behind her, and the girl whirled, only to be tackled to the ground by her 17 year old sister. "Run, Tessa!" she yelled, standing and hauling her sister up. Her long red hair flew out behind her as she sprinted down the hall, clutching Tessa's hand tightly. The younger girl was obviously frightened and confused, and suddenly she started straining against Juliet's grip, digging her heels in. 

"My bear!" she wailed. "I dropped my bear!" she turned back, and there was indeed her ratty old bear lying on the floor, having fallen from her grasp. 

"There's no time!" Juliet said frantically, picking up her sister and taking off again. Then there was a sound behind them. A loud thump. Juliet skidded to a stop, her eyes wide with panic. "He's here! Hide!" she flung open a closet, but it was stuffed. Then she spotted the table. It's long tablecloth nearly touched the floor, and would hide them well. She dove under it, but not before grabbing something out of the closet. The two sisters huddled there as the footsteps grew closer. The footsteps paused and the old floorboards creaked as the one who made the footsteps bent over to pick something up. Then they started up again, getting closer. The sisters' terrified, uneven breathing stopped as both held their breath so he wouldn't hear it. The footsteps stopped right next to the table. And then there was silence. For a long moment, silence. Then suddenly the air was filled with a scream as a hand reached under he table and grabbed for them. Juliet pushed her sister back farther, and as the hand neared Tessa, Juliet thrust her arm forward so it grabbed her instead. The large, calloused hand hauled her out, but Juliet whispered to her sister, "Quiet. Hide." all she had time to say. Tessa huddled under the table, biting her knuckles to stifle her sobs. 

Above the table, a terrific struggle was coming to an end. Juliet pulled the scissors she had grabbed out of the sleeve of her sweatshirt and swung them at the giant man. It was nearly impossible to see what he looked like, as your eyes wanted to slide away from his face. He was huge, and only grunted in pain as the scissors stabbed into his arm. He glared at the panicked girl, and she swung the scissors up toward his face. He caught her hand by the wrist and twisted, making her drop the scissors as he tossed her onto the table. "Ah, the little one stings....." he mused, his voice a rough, deep rumble. Juliet stared at him as her last hope was destroyed. He didn't seem too concerned about the gash the scissors had put in his arm, or the blood flowing down from it at first. "I have found it. You tried so hard to keep it from me. But I have it." he held out an old key to show her, and Juliet risked a glance at the old Teddy bear, which was on the ground, but now destroyed as he had cut the key out. "You put up a good fight, Little One With A Sting. But now the game is over." he grabbed the scissors and raised them over her. 

Tessa bit her lip as the air was filled with her sister's scream. It seemed to go on, and on, and on. Silent tears ran down Tessa's face at the sound and she plugged her ears as best as she could. 

And then silence. 

Tessa unplugged her ears and slowly looked up. The footsteps started again, receding, growing fainter until they left earshot. Still, the smart girl didn't move, didn't make a sound. Then she felt something hit her head. A drop. Then another. She slowly looked up, and her face paled. Her jaw dropped open in a silent scream as she saw the slowly expanding dark red stain on the bottom of the table. Her hand slowly went to her head and she touched it in the drops then brought it down to look at it. And then she did scream as she saw the red, and realized the puddle was her sister's blood.

((From the 3Pics Contest))

Oh my god that's terrifying! I couldn't look away from reading! amazing job

Thanks guys! :3 I feel so awesome now.

as you should;)

ANNOUNCEMENT:
So, due to the enthusiastic responses to 'The Teddy Bear,' I think I'm going to make it a mini series. Juliet's friends will arrive, too late though. But they will have to take Tessa with them as they look for the man because Tess is the only one who knows what he looks like. They'll have to stop him from finding the other 6 keys and opening the doors to Hell.
So some questions.
1- Should I make the series?
2- I was thinking of doing a character contest. Say, maybe three other people to be Juliet's friends. Plus one I'll make. Should I?
3- Should they be supernatural creatures? With Hell's gate and all that, it wouldn't be a big stretch.

Yeah, that sounds awesome!

Awwwwww. :3 thanks guys. (And glad I could help Mimaimi. :3) so if you want to try for a character::
Name-
Age- (probably around Juliet's age which is 17)
Gender-
Look-
Personality-
How they met Juliet-
Crush/Dates (only if on another person in the group. Can be Juliet. {even if it's a girl they could have dated Jules if you want. :3 no judging allowed on this thread)-
Family (only if related to another person in the group. Can be Juliet)-
Species- (Can be whatever the heck you want. Just don't make one up please. :3)

name: Parker
Age: 18
relation: cousin off Juliet
Gender: male
personality: know-it-all

umm, am I missing anything?

Just species please. (And I added that after you posted so it's not your fault lol)

Name- Pace
Age- 17
Look- http://hqwallbase.com/155603-beautifu...
Height: A little tall
Weight: average
Build: Sorta muscular
Gender- Female
Personality- Competitive, bad role model. :P
How they met Juliet- Through school
Crush/Dates- N/A
Family-N/a
Species- Skinwalker

And both of you Look please. (Again I added that after you guys posted. So it's my fault not yours lol. Sorry!)
For look, have a pic please. And if the pic doesn't show it-
Hair-
Eyes-
Height- (Not exact number, just 'average' or 'tall' etc)
Weight- (not exact number, just 'average' or 'skinny')
Build- (Muscular, lithe, etc)

species? umm, human? you mean like that? or did you expect something else...?

Name: Ryder
Age: 17
Relation: Friend
Gender: Idk could be either.
Personality: Shy

Is that how you do it? Is that ok?

I can't upload a pic but I can put description in-
hair: dark brown, almost black
eyes: grey
height: tall
weight: average
build: semi-muscular

good?

If you're confused, compare it to Elizibeths. It's the perfect example. ((Elizibeth, Pace is definitely in lol))

((Lol, I changed her a bit to competitive, sorta motherly, bad role model.))

Okie guys. :3 will do another part to The Teddy Bear, but I will do it over Week 2's random pics. In the meantime, I have two plot ideas. Which is best?

Nerd Life Hack ((Need better name))

When Parker Thompson, the school nerd, gets a nasty message on facebook, things spiral out of control when the technology savvy girl swiftly exacts her revenge on the jerk who sent her the message. The problem is, she's a good hacker, but not good enough. The CIA gets wind of her whiz abilities and traces them back to her, and soon she's hired as a techie for the government. But soon she keeps messing up..... Or so it seems. Parker knows someone else is trying to make her look bad, but why? It will take all her hacker skills to trace the clues and find out. 


Nerd Chick to Nerd Chic

When Parker Peterson has to choose something for her psychology experiment, she goes completely outside the box. She records people's reactions to her as herself, a lowly nerd. And then she changes herself- clothes, attitude, activities, everything- and keeps track of everything, intending to write up her findings. But then she gets some real friends who go out of there way to welcome her into the popular circle, and she's terrified that if she gives up the popular girl pretense, her new friends are the ones who will suffer the consequences. 

♥KT ~Queen of the Crazies~ wrote: "Pain was the first thing that registered in the girl's mind when she woke. The pain of the rough stone floor digging into her back and the burning of the tight shackles on her wrists and ankles und..."

♥KT ~Queen of the Crazies~ wrote: "The girl's eyes were wide as she tiptoed down the hall. The seven year old looked nervous, biting her lip. Where was her sister? Their parents were gone for the evening, and her older sister was supposed to be watching her..."

I was blown away by both of these stories. They're amazing! :D

Roxanne wrote: "I was blown away..."

thanks! :D

The Curse of St Valentine

"Are you sure this is the place, William?" James asked, glancing at his tall, dark haired older brother nervously before returning his wary gaze to the building. It was a large, old fashioned building with lots of stone and brick and metal. 

"Yes, James. This is it." William said, almost hungrily as he gazed at the building. His brothers gaze was wary and cautious, but William's was anxious, greedy. He jumped as his phone rang in his pocket and he pulled it out, fumbling with it for a moment as if unsure how to use it before he answered. "Yes, Isabelle?" 

"I got her. Where to?" Came the female voice on the other end. 

"Bastille down the road from our hotel." William answered shortly, snapping his flip phone shut and jamming it back in his pocket. "She's coming." he reported to James, who nodded and glanced at his watch. William did too. February 13, 11:30 at night. Still time. A few minutes later, two girls came around the corner. The one with raven black hair pulled back in a red velvet ribbon wore a long, old fashioned black and red dress while the blonde braid girl was in a black mini skirt and tank top. The tank top girl was talking excitedly, with the other girl listening intently and nodding occasionally. 

James glanced at them, his gaze skipping over his dark haired sister and flashed onto the bubbly blonde. He scanned her body appreciatively, and it was him that looked hungry now, though for a different reason. "Hey Isabelle, aren't you going to introduce us to our friend?" he practically purred. 

"hello to you too." Isabelle said sarcastically, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. 

"Im Alice." The blonde girl chirped happily, holding out her hand for him to shake and he grasped it with a smooth smile. 

"James." he said kindly, not letting go of her hand. He shook her hand and then lowered his arm without releasing her hand, tugging her in next to him slightly. "Let's go." 

"We're going in there?" Alice squeaked, half afraid and half excited. At William's nod, she gasped and grinned, tightening her grip on James's hand. Williams ignored Alice and walked toward the building. He opened the creaky metal door slowly. Isabelle was right on his heels, with James and Alice following. They all filed into the building, suddenly silent as they shut the door behind them. They followed a small tunnel down a ways and soon opened a door. 

Inside was a cave-like anteroom of limestone walls and uneven tiles in a clay floor. The roof was low and a draft came up from below. They formed a procession down the earthen steps and the dark, narrow tunnels yawned open below them. Something like shelves were dug into the walls and Isabelle’s heart jumped up when she recognized the empty sockets of a skull staring out at her. It's a catacomb, she realized.

A draft made the candles on the wall flutter out; Alice screamed and then laughed and in the dark   James slip his arm from her hand to around her waist, leading her on. There was light up ahead and as they turned the corner and passed through the portico and into the nave the room did indeed broaden and the roof rose and the air grew artificially warm. William saw that lights and heaters had been smuggled in, and expensive rugs laid on the floor, and incense burned to chase off the must of the crypt, and in the center of the tomb was a long table set with glassware and silver and a half dozen waiters standing by. 

"Our last guests have arrived," he said. "As I was explaining just now: A sufficient degree of refined decadence makes any setting fashionable."

A half dozen or so people evenly split between men and women were in the midst of dinner already. William and Isabelle sat next to each other toward the end of the table and James and Alice sat across from them. The waiters were pouring wine into everyone's glass, much to Alice's surprise. 



Little was said as they all began eating until Isabelle, slicing through tender steak meat with a very sharp knife and selecting the choicest bits to pop into her mouth, spoke up. "You promised us the saint would be in attendance. Everyone else remembers hearing that?"

The guests all murmured assent, though her brothers tensed. The man at the very end of the table stood. "Yes, i did. I am Thomas. But, well, I didn't promise I'd produce all of him..." 

He retrieved a sandalwood box carved with roses and birds and inlaid with glass, and inside, resting on velvet, was a fragment of yellowed bone. He passed it to James, who held it with the tips of his fingers. "Is it real?" he whispered reverently. 

"It had better be for what I paid for it. It's supposed to be in a church in Prague, but they switched it for a fake."

"How do you know you don't have the fake?" William said suspiciously

"Ah, there's the problem," said thomas. "But I trust the people I do business with. And now we can say that Saint Valentine himself attended our meeting.”

Laughter all around. Alice peered at it curiously. "Which bit of him is it?"

"Part of the foot, as near as I can tell."

Isabelle examined the reliquary. It didn't seem to be locked, so she opened the lid and, over thomas's objections, picked up the bit of bone. It was not as light as she'd expected. The chatter of the diners and the clink of dishes ceased as everyone watched, wondering what she might do. 

She looked at William; he nodded. And so Isabelle brought the relic to her lips and, very gently, kissed the bones of St. Valentine. Then she passed it across the table and William did the same, and finally so did James, who passed it to Alice. She bit her lip nervously, unsure, but she wanted to impress James too so he kissed it as well. 

When she was finished Alice put the bone back in the rosewood box and gave it Thomas. 

The leader of the group watched all of them with an unreadable expression. "I trust there was a reason for that?" he said.

William nodded. "Yes, but that explanation is not for you to know." he said, and so the matter was dropped. 

Until James glanced at his watch and met William's gaze. William nodded, and glanced at Isabelle. She smiled and leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. 

"I am sorry about this, everyone." William said, standing and addressing everyone. "It is not our fault. I promise. Our Father offended St Valentine a time back, and his curse has become ours. We live forever, and Valentine's Day, we pay for our father's sins. We change, and we have no control when we do." he closed his eyes and his head drooped. 

Alice sought James's gaze as everyone laughed in disbelief. "James?" she whispered. 

He looked at her and took her hands. "I'm sorry." he whispered. He kissed her cheek and gently pushed her toward the door. "Go. I don't want to hurt you. We don't have much time." Alice backed toward the door, then rushed back and kissed him fiercely. Before he could respond, she was gone, the door slammed and locked behind her as she sat against the door, her breathing panicky. 

And as the clock chimed midnight, beginning February 14th, the three of them changed. Their black hair lengthened until it covered their body. Boned and muscles twisted and changed. Their clothes tore off and they dropped to all fours. People were screaming now as they tried to run, trying the door, but Alice had locked it. The three wolves snarled and leaped, and soon the ancient ran red with blood. 

It was one in the morning when the snarls stopped and there were only faint gasps of pain as they changed back. Alice could hear sobbing as James broke down, and she wanted to help. Slowly, she unlocked the door and peered in. James was laying on the floor on his back, bloody and tired, sobbing at what he had done. "James!" Alice started running toward him, but a heavy weight landed on her back, and she screamed as William and Isabelle tore into her. Isabelle was changed back to human, but she didn't care. She kind of liked the curse. It was fun. But William hadn't changed back, and his large wolf form helped Isabelle start tearing into Alice. She screamed again, and suddenly part of the weight left her. James snarled as he flung Isabelle back, and she yelped as she cracked her head on the wall before slumping to the floor, blood streaming from the gash in her head. James turned on William, just as the older boy started changing back and in seconds lay on his back, fully human, gasping. 

Alice moaned and half rolled over as James dropped next to her on the ground, examining her frantically. "Alice?" he whispered desperately, wiping her blood stained blonde hair from her face. 

She blinked open her eyes and looked at him. "James?" she whispered. 

"Al!" James said in relief, staring at her. She smiled slightly, and suddenly they were kissing through the blood and pain. "I love you." he told her seriously. "You know who I am and still don't mind. You came back in to help me."

"Of course." Alice said sweetly, looking at him. "I love you too." she said, before kissing him. 

Another awesome story. :)