Young Writers Group discussion

Hello everyone. I will add the first chapter of my novel here soon but I just wanted to get this going first. I hope you enjoy it!

Can't wait!

welcome here .... :)

Another customer made his way inside the diner and I sighed. It was a Friday night, and Friday nights were always the busiest, no matter what. I slowly made my way over to one of my tables, praying that the night would go by fast, and that the customers would tip well.

Waitressing sucked. No doubt about it. I was at this stupid diner from 4 to 10pm and I hated it. But it was just me and my mom and I needed the money for the things I wanted, like a car. I was saving up for the orange VW van that was sitting in the used car lot at present.

"Hi my name is Mayson and I will be your waitress today," I told the family sitting in front of me. They were the Jackson's, and honestly, they had the worst kids in town.

"Oh, hello Mayson," Mr. Jackson said. He was nice, but his wife was a witch. I had a hunch that's why their kids were too.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked them kindly.

"That would be nice," Mrs. Jackson said. It took everything not to come at her with a snappy comeback.

Mr. Jackson sighed. "I'll have a Coke."

"Same," said Mrs. Jackson.

"Same," Said their two brats. I nodded and sighed, then turned on my heel to go grab their drinks.

I returned moments later with their four drinks. Before I could even set them down on the table, the two brats snatched them out of my hand, making the other two fall right on Mrs. Jackson's lap.

I fought an extreme urge to laugh as Mrs. Jackson glared up at me. "I hope you know that I will be sending you the bill to have these pants dry cleaned and that I will be talking to your boss," she snapped at me.

"Mayson, I'm so sorry. The kids are just a little hyper today, that's all," Mr. Jackson apologized.

"What are you apologizing to her for? If you wouldn't have brought me to this tacky place none of this would have happened!" Mrs. Jackson shrieked.

"Mayson, what's going on here?" asked a firm, deep voice from behind me. My boss, Roger.

"This incompetent teenager you have working for you dropped two full glasses of Coke on my lap!" Mrs. Jackson shouted before I could even open my mouth.

"It was an accident, sir, Mayson-" Mr. Jackson began, but Mrs. Jackson let out a shriek in protest, snatched up her little monsters, and stormed from the diner.

"Roger, please don't blame Mayson. My kids got snatchy with the Coke's and they knocked the other two out of Mayson's hand. I'm so sorry for the disruption. I'd be glad to pay for any damages the Coke might have caused," Mr. Jackson rushed quickly. He took out his wallet. "This is for all the trouble Mayson," he said, handing me a twenty dollar bill.

"I couldn't possibly-" I began.

"Please, take it. Call me, Roger, if I need to replace anything," Mr. Jackson said, before rushing out the door.

Roger and I exchanged looks. He gave me a small smile. "She deserved every bit of it, dumb old bat." I snickered.

"So I'm not in trouble?" I asked.

"No, just don't do it again. Make it whipped cream in her hair next time," Roger joked. "Oh, and by the way, if she does send you a bill, give it to me. I'll take it to her and show her just what I think of it." Roger smiled mischievously and I hated to think of what he might do.

As the night wore on and slowed down a bit, so did I. Around eight I began to wrap silverware. It was around 8:15 when my friend Taylor walked in.

"Hey you," she said, popping up behind me and scaring the crap out of me.

"Hey Tay," I said.

"So, have you heard the big news?" Taylor asked, and I could feel the excitement coming off her body like electrical impulses.

"Tay, I've been at work since school got out. I don't have time to hear the big news," I told her.

Roger came around the corner to see what was going on but gave me a nod when he saw it was just Taylor. He understood what it was like for me at home and was pretty lenient if Taylor came in after hours to talk.

"Whatever," Taylor said, shaking her head like she really didn't care. Which she probably didn't. "Someone moved into the mansion on the hill," she said, referring to the huge house that had been built about five years prior and was the biggest house in the town.

"No way, Tay. That house was built five years ago and it's sat empty ever since. Someone isn't just gonna up and move in," I reasoned.

"No, I saw the moving vans with my own eyes, Mayson," Taylor insisted. "I wonder if they'll throw a big party and invite us to use their bowling alley?"

I sighed at Taylor's stupidity. "There isn't a bowling alley in the mansion. There is a home theater system, but no bowling alley. Believe me. Roger's brother helped build the house," I told her in the most duh tone I could muster.

"Whatever," Tay said again, rolling her eyes. "I bet whoever is moving in there is gonna have a cute son." She waggled her eyebrows and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Well if they do I'm sure he won't be hanging out with small town people like us," I reasoned.

"Pffft," Taylor said. "I'm sure Mr. Cute-and-rich would love to date me. I am the most popular girl at school, after all. I've won Ice Queen three years in a row!" Tay said matter of factly.

"You're an Ice Queen alright," I muttered under my breath.

Taylor must've heard me because she rolled her eyes, but other than that she ignored it, which I was grateful for.

"When is your shift over, anyway?" she demanded, changing the subject.

"10, like always," I said with a sigh.

"Is your mom expecting you home after?" Taylor asked, mischief in her eyes.

"Why?" I asked. I knew that look. And it meant anything but good.

"Rachel, Nichole and I are going down to the river. You in?"

I sighed. I knew what was going to happen down at the river. Taylor, Rachel, and Nichole would get drunk and end up having a one night stand with some 21 year old who went to the community college and had nothing better to do than bang high school girls.

"I can't. My mom and I have something to do in the morning," I replied, which wasn't a lie necessarily, but it wasn't the whole truth, either.

Every second Saturday of the month my mom and I would take the day off work, sleep in, and then have donuts and chocolate milk for breakfast and stay in our pajamas all day. It doesn't sound like much, but it gave us some time together, just us, without the pressure of work or school or anything to get in the way. It was just us, and the donuts, and the TV, and that's how we liked it.

"Ugh, you're no fun!" Taylor said, and although I knew that her idea and my idea of fun greatly differed, I didn't say so.

"Maybe next week," I said. It wasn't a promise but Taylor wasn't smart enough to differentiate and I wasn't going to tell her that there was no way I'd ever go with her, ever.

"Whatever, I'm going to get ready. See you Monday," she said, and then left before I could say anything back.

A lot of people wondered why Taylor and I were friends, and the simple fact was, we had been friends since Kindergarten, before she died her hair blonde, the event that I swear killed all of her brain cells. Back then she was smart and kind. But when we came back from summer vacation and went to 7th grade, she had changed. Her hair was blonde an perfectly styled. She wore contacts instead of glasses. She read text messages more than she read books. Our relationship became strained then, and it's stayed that way ever since. She was my only friend and I am the only friend she completely trusted. So we're stuck together, more out of need then want.

I sighed and looked at my grandmother's watch, which I had taken to wearing when I became a waitress because, well, it's extremely rude to take your phone out while helping a customer to check the time. The old clock face read quarter to nine, and I sighed again.

I found some more busy work to do and soon it was time to go home. I grabbed my purse from under the counter and took off the half-apron I was wearing and tucked it where my purse had been.

I made my way out to the lot where I knew my bike would be waiting. Alright, laugh all you want, but just because I was almost 18 doesn't mean I had a car. Not at all. For now, I’ll make do with my mom’s old Schwinn

It was a little dangerous riding a bike in the dark but I'd rather take the chance then walk. If I walked, the quickest way home was past the local bar, and I had learned my lesson one night a year ago when I tried to walk home and a group of drunk men stopped me. Taking a bike meant I could take a longer route around the bar and could get home in a decent amount of time as well.

Once home, I kicked off my shoes and headed straight to the fridge to grab the small container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream that I had bought about a week before. I bought myself one once a month as a treat to myself. I grabbed myself a spoon and dug into the strawberry cheesecake flavored ice cream.

I heard a car door shut outside and knew my mom was home. She came in, toting a few bags of groceries and her purse. I set my ice cream down and hopped off the couch to help her with the bags.

"How was work?" I asked, relieving her of one of the bags and walking to the kitchen to set it on the table.

She sighed. "I'm exhausted. How about you?" she asked.

"Same," I told her. She gave me a small smile.

"Let's get all these groceries put away," my mom told me. I nodded in agreement.

When everything was put away she joined me on the couch with a Twinkie and a Pepsi. "My boss wants me to work tomorrow," she said hesitantly.

"Well you told him no, didn't you?" I demanded. Tomorrow was our day and there was no way she was going into work.

"Mayson," she said guiltily, and I could tell that she was going into work tomorrow despite the fact that it was supposed to be our day.

"Whatever mom. Have fun at work. I'm going to bed," I said. I got off the couch and was going to put the ice cream back in the freezer when she grabbed my arm.

"Look, I didn't want to work. But we need the money and my boss is paying me overtime," my mom reasoned. But I didn't want to hear any of it.

"Whatever, mom. I'll call Roger and tell him I can work tomorrow too. Might as well," I said, and I went to turn away, but she spun me to face her once again.

"Mayson, right now I don't even have the extra money to buy donuts. You gotta understand that," she pleaded.

My expression softened, and when I spoke it wasn't as harsh. "You think having donuts for breakfast is what matters to me?" I asked her. She looked at me, speechless, and I turned and went down the hall to my room.

Once inside I shut the door behind me and flopped down on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. I knew it wasn't Mom's fault we didn't have any money but I still resented the fact that she was going into work. It was so unfair. Damn my father for leaving when I was a baby.

According to my mom, he just left in the dead of night, without so much as a warning or a goodbye. She said that he had been playing peekaboo with me just hours before and then when she woke up the next morning, he was gone. He had stolen everything out of her purse that was of value, including all the money she had earned in tips at her waitressing job the night before. My mom was devastated but she moved on with her life and tried her best to raise me. She had no family so she had nobody else to turn to. It was just us.

My mom had been very open with me from an early age. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't know that my dad had left me behind. I had always accepted it as another part of life. And it was something I knew that I would never allow to happen to my kids, when I decided to have a family.

I began to feel my eyelids feel heavy and I gave in, not even bothering to change my clothes. I was too tired to care.

I liked this a lot. I only noticed one word mistake. Instead of died her hair blond, you should do: dyed her hair blond. Died and dyed is two different words. Other then that, I didn't see anything else wrong. I really, absolutely loved it. It held my interest for the whole time. Keep on writing!

Nov13670 wrote: "I liked this a lot. I only noticed one word mistake. Instead of died her hair blond, you should do: dyed her hair blond. Died and dyed is two different words. Other then that, I didn't see anything..."

Thank you! I didn't notice that when I went through and checked my spelling etc. Thank you for all your kind words!

I really liked it! You describe the characters' personalities quickly and to-the-point, but not without losing any traits or creativity. It is definitely not droll or too fast. It reads very well, and I look forward to reading more!

Evelynn {Avi-ously a Pentaholic} wrote: "I really liked it! You describe the characters' personalities quickly and to-the-point, but not without losing any traits or creativity. It is definitely not droll or too fast. It reads very well, ..."

Thank you very much!

good. I like your selection of words and the way you project it

Umer wrote: "good. I like your selection of words and the way you project it"

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback!

I like it a lot. Keep on writing.