Write Your Heart Out ツ discussion

Hello and welcome to Lee's Poems!
Here is where I will post all my poems before ripping them to shreds. I am not allowed to write poems, and if my mother finds them, I would be banned for the rest of my life.
But here, I will keep my poems, as an archive of my works.
I would very much appreciate if you could rate and critique my poems, or tell me which are your favorite. I spend about 15-30 minutes per poem, which is not much, so don't butcher me either.
Disclosure: some of my poems may contain gore (not really- I don't know) or contain the word known as the antonym of heaven and crap like that- just don't get mad or offended. This is how I express myself, alright?
Thank you so much for reading!

Here is my first poem posted here, which won 3rd place in the Lighthouse contest! You have no clue how happy I was ^.^

Beacon of Hope

Alone, tall, and bright shining
Guiding you to your silver lining
Strength and hope beam from one single tower
Seems insignificant but glows radiant power
A lonely beacon to help others find their way
For the lost and afraid, in both night and day
Safety and security in the deep dark waters
Help to the sailors whose journeys grow broader
Hazards and troubles they continually face
As they travel across the empty sea to a new place
Dangerous rocks would jag into the boats side
If it was not there to be a strong guide
The lighthouse, a tower always standing tall
Beautiful sight after the oceans pall
Laying a path towards the shore with its light
A glowing hope that will always shine bright.

This poem was inspired by background (and hate) of bullying and gossip.

A Lesson For Society

Look at the people all around
judging criticizing and hating
without a single sound
Only quiet whispers and snickers
and gossip about him or her
till it turns into a never-ending bicker
"God, look how ugly!" "You think she's insane?"
back and forth they mutter
"Ew he's so fat" and "I bet she lost her brain."
Then our backs are stabbed, and we ask why?
"Why did they do that? We were good friends!"
never trying to find out the answer, we mumble and cry
But in reality its what we all have done
hurting each other with words
till no one has won
Kindness is always a beautiful path
to make people smile
rather than choosing the way of wrath
Maybe our kind words could do some good
possibly even save a life
If we just treated others like we should.

those are good! May I ask why you aren't allowed to write poetry...or is that personal?

Thanks so much!
My mother see's poetry as a dark and evil way of venting my emotions, when it actually helps more than you think. My poetry isn't happy-sappy Dr. Seuss poetry so she believes its practically the work of the devil.

oh I see. I'm sorry. yeah, I don't write my stuff anywhere unless I know it won't be found. by my parents, at least. not because they are against it or anything. but it's kind of personal

Very true. I don't even show it to my friends, unless its like the Da Vinci of my poetry.. which never happens.

I wrote this one recently, after I spent all night watching my small candle burn at my bedside. I could have flung my blanket over and caught myself on fire, because I wasn't supposed to have the candle anyways, but a (rather sucky) poem came out of it so I guess its alright XD
Anyways, it the comparison to life and fire, because both are beautiful, but both cause pain.

The Fire of Life
One flame
dances into the night
with eyes
gazing upon the light.
A hand
reaches with desire
to touch
the beckoning fire.
Fingers
brush the orange flame
the pain
severing all the shame.
The heat
burning into the heart
flickers
a sorrow grown apart.
A blaze
in continuity;
the mind
marvels at its beauty
while skin
is burnt an ugly raw.
One flame
igniting life's dark haul.

This poem is one of the ones that took months to complete, which is really rare, but it makes this poem special. Compared to the others, you can see how much more effort I put into it. Its rather intense.
This poem is based off of schizophrenia.

The Voices

Voices in the silence whisper your name
They say, "everyone hates you, and they all say the same"
"We will be your friends, you don't need people"
The Voices take your hand and you hide in a deep hole.

Voices in the shadows gaze at your core
They say, "your fat and ugly and you dress like a whore"
"You don't deserve to eat, starve yourself to the bone"
Then The Voices pull you away and leave you alone.

Voices in the dark night watch you crying
They say "your in pain but this can stop your suffering"
"Slit your wrist and everything will be okay"
The Voices help you mutilate yourself to until the day.

Voices in the emptiness drain your life
They say "look at these people who cause you so much strife"
"Just get rid of them to sever your hurt"
The Voices smile as you bury bodies in the dirt.

Voices in your head kill you from inside out
They say "we can free you from this hell without a doubt"
"You can solve your troubles if you use that gun"
Then The Voices laugh because they know they have won.

That's so sad!!

Wow really? Thanks! That is sort of my intention. I want people to understand that life is no fairytale and that not everyone is normal. Thank you for reading my poems, it means alot :)

I love your poems though!

Awe thank you so much dear ^.^ gosh I really try. May I ask which is your favorite out of the ones I've posted so far?

I'd have to say The voices or The Fire of Life, I can't choose though :)

Really? Agh wow. I wrote The Fire of Life in less than 10 minutes, and figured it was barley anything. Thank you very much! You have encouraged me alot :)

:) , I do that a lot :)

aww it didn't post my comment. Okay I'll say it again-
I REALLY love the fire poem. I can totally see myself having the thought process that you did when writing it. that's one thing I love about goodreads: a lot of people think the same way I do. and that's really rare. note I'm inspired to write a poem from you. it's going to be about letting your thoughts go (I don't mention you unless you prefer me to).

I love the poem you wrote The Voices I think is what it was called. I love that one and I can relate to it so much. You're other poems are really awesome too:)

oh I just re-read my comment and realized that it sounded like I was going to steal your writing. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING AT ALL. sorry if I mislead you to think that Lee

I cannot believe this. Are you serious? Wow thanks so much you guys. I had no clue they were that good! Thanks you all XD wow that was total inspiration. You don't even understand.
Daughter of The Night- wow that would be awesome! Its amazing to know that I inspired you. And yes, you can mention my name, I don't mind :)Thank you for your support!

Lee wrote: "I cannot believe this. Are you serious? Wow thanks so much you guys. I had no clue they were that good! Thanks you all XD wow that was total inspiration. You don't even understand.
Daughter of The..."

yeah:)

This poem is alot like A Lesson For Society, so I don't know if its that good/unique. I don't really like it honestly. The syllables and stuff don't sound right.
Based on the negative self-esteem that most everyone has.

War in the Mirror

Look at this girl
too tall too fat
and her teeth will never
look like shiny pearls.
Her skin is too pasty
her hair color is too bland
so she will never hold love
in the palm of her hand.
She acts too shy
but she really is loud
she is self-conscious about herself
but pretends to be proud.
Watch this girl
who is she?
Pretending to be perfect
when she won't ever be.
This girl is only
a reflection in the metal.
This girl is you
with tears as delicate as a petal.
But don't you cry darling
you will be alright.
You can win this war
against the monster with a fight.
So put up your beauty
instead of your gun
because when killing yourself
no battle will be won.
Attack the monsters
and the demons inside.
One day you will stand
with unshattering pride.

ooh I like that one. very inspirational:)

Awe thank you :) It went from like a depressing poem to an inspiring and I was like "Oh. Okay!" It honestly surprised me XD but thanks!

Your poems are so lovely :) I love them! I understand your mother, mine is just like that too! She gave me and my siblings a speech last week about how Spider-Man is evil and of the devil.... And Harry Potter too, and Hunger Games. She stalks my phone and gets mad when she sees my sad poems and quotes

another person named Alyssa omg

Really? My mom thinks Harry Potter is from the devil too XD Yeah she used to stalk my phone, and then she took it one day and I never got it back. Found out she sold it on Ebay. She still hasn't told me about it but *shrug*

Really? Wow. Is it like part of a religious belief? (I don't mean to be nosey. You don't have to answer.)

Lee, you are fantabulous babe. I am so lucky to call you my friend :) I really love your poems, and would love it if you showed me them all. If you want. See you on Tuesday! I might write one about you.

Your poems are some of the best that I have EVER read! :)

And don't worry, my parents are over protective and won't let me do things too

*either*

Wow. Totally happy-crying on the inside. Thanks guys!

@Reann: I guess so. I've never really asked but most likely. She's a really intense christian and just hates the idea of witchcraft and sorcery. Plus she never liked sci-fi anyways. Luckily, I get that gene from my dad XD Don't know what I would do without Star Wars or Doctor Who. Never even tried Harry Potter though, but all my friends love it.

@Chloe: Thanks girl :) That would be awesome. I don't have many poems but I've been trying to post them all here.

@Emelia: Really? Gosh thanks! But you must not read alot of poems XD I'm a grasshopper at this stuff. Can I ask which one you like the best? I like to see what pieces are my more successful ones.

Believe me, I have read a lot of poetry- it's my job at school! My favourite is the voices because it is so real (if you know what I mean)

@Emelia: Wow thanks! Yes, it might have been a bit intense but schizophrenia is a legit thing and people do stuff like that because of it. Most people just shrug it off or make jokes about it. Alot of people make jokes about serious stuff. But thanks! I really appreciate your feedback :) I really try. Not to make people like it,(because I only show it publicly here) but because I want to be satisfied with it. And I think Voices is one of the poems that I've been proud of.

Reading your poetry was so refreshing and nice. I simply love how you write about very real things and aren't afraid to blatantly state it. Yes, there were some poems that I favored more than others, but all of your works were beautiful. Good job! Something about it really touched me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, honest writing. :)

honest writing is the best!

I know quite a few schizophrenic people so I know what it's like :(

This one is based of of the comparison of words and water- because they both can drown and kill you.

Drowning
Words like water drown you
echoing in your head.
The people all surround you
wishing you would be dead.
Your empty, life-less corpse
succumbs to their strong power.
Heart beating, “Just let them force”
Head screaming, “Run and cower!”
They greet you with their fists
and engulf you with stabs
but soon you join them on your wrist
with ugly scars and scabs.
Everyday hell goes on
and you drown In your pain.
So you sing an empty song
as you slowly go insane.

@Za-za: Thank you! thats really what I want. SEE THE OBVIOUS PEOPLE!!! Humans, especially teenage humans, are so oblivious and ignorant these days. In a play I preformed last year, one line I really loved was,
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?"
"No. The saints and poets, maybe they do some."

And I feel like one of those exception. A person who screams through her poetry for others to understand life. But the people who understand already do, and the people I'm trying to reach never grip it.

That is a great line from your play. The only way I know to make people see things in life that they might not have seen before is acting it. No one expects forgiveness and kindness, so that is what make the most impact. If everyone looks for all of the bad in the world, they will find it in abundance. If they just go with the flow, it isn't goin to get them anywhere. If one looks for the good they can find that too. It's just perspective, and sometimes it seems that people don't understand how petty and harmful a harsh word is. There is always someone that has it worse but keeps going. Please just keep writing your beautiful words. Who know who they could inspire. :)

…Whoa. Sorry for the longish, rambling spiel.

this...is just...so dam awesome o.o. Just because your poems are sad does NOT mean they are 'the Devils work'. It just means it's a poem about feelings and there's nothing wrong with that.

I LOVE that Drowning poem.

You are one of the few people that I can relate to in life, thank you for that

@Emelia- ikr, I was thinking the same thing :)

@Za-Za: Im gunna quote you:"No one expects forgiveness and kindness, so that is what make the most impact." Dang right. Everyone tells me I am so kind and that its basically my element. I complement alot of people and they say "Wow your so nice I should keep you around more often!" but you wouldn't believe the number of actual friends I have. I don't know why I'm ranting this but its just I totally love what you said. Kind people are taken for granted because no one expects it. They believe kindness is a lie when its not. Your so right. Yes yes your right! This is my goal! "..people don't understand how petty and harmful a harsh word is." Right! Your right again! What I would give for everyone to see the truth like you do. Even teachers ignore hateful words. Did you know, this is an actual statistic (I accidentally memorized lol) that 1/4 teachers or adults see bullying and know its wrong but DON'T intervene? Like what the heck? "Oh this school is a no bullying zone!" No bullying my butt! I don't think people understand the meaning of pain. Suicide is a joke to everyone in this world but its not! Don't joke about slitting your wrist and being "emo" when its the lead cause of death for kids under 14!
Thats my point and I want people to get it. But going back to the line in that play: no one will understand life, and even poets and saints don't understand completely.
So sorry for ranting!

she's going to be a famous poet, I swear. none if her words are wasted and they all are thickly glazed with meaning that only pure and honest people can understand

@Lee I read your rant (not to invade in a conversation or anything) and you're totally right. Like everyone in my class jokes about depression like if you don't smile one day they ask you if you cut last night as a joke but they don't get it. Someone in the class could actually be going through depression and they're laughing at it. It's sad actually.

I always read comments, even if they aren't intended for me lol
(unless of course they are personal)
and Lee, I totally agree.

Wow 2 mods commenting on my poems? Thank you thank you thank you! You have no clue what this means ^.^

@Princess of the Underworld: Wow thanks! And yes, I agree. Poems are just a way of expressing yourself. If only my mother agreed..

@Reann: Thank you! I'm actually surprised! I couldn't figure out how to finish it, so I left it for months and months until I was like "what the heck" and I did it and didn't like it, but figured I would post it. So thank you very much! I love feedback XD