The Writer's Cafe discussion

So here's a story I've been working on for - quite a while, at this point. Since last October. Currently it's running as a weekly serial over on Tumblr, though this was probably not the best decision in the long run. Still, I'd love to get some feedback if anyone wants to poke at it for a bit. It's a standard blogfic, written as the characters themselves.

This is the tale of Lydia Devin, the woman who destroyed the universe and put it back together again.

This is the tale of power, and the struggles it brings, and the difficulties of living in a world that was never meant for someone like her.

But none of that actually matters. This is the tale of two sisters.

http://goddesscorrespondence.tumblr.com

Now that is an enticing blurb :0 I must read now.

Muahaha. Eeeeeexcellent. Mission accomplished. :)

In all sincerity, looking forward to any feedback you can offer.

Heh. I WILL read it. As soon as I get onto a PC. It takes forever to scroll down on smartphones and iPods.

Okay, am I just technologically inept, or do I really have to click back all the way to the first page (out of 27) one by one, after scrolling all the way to the bottom? I will eventually, when I have more time, but just a note on that maybe deterring readers. If it's too hard to get to the beginning, they might not be willing to read it. :P

OK, so yes, that's a bit of a pain. That's part of why I mentioned that picking Tumblr may have been a less-than-stellar choice for the long run. I've purchased some webspace and am in the process of setting it up, but for now these links may help:

http://goddesscorrespondence.tumblr.c... jumps to the last page.

http://goddesscorrespondence.tumblr.c... displays it in chronological order so the first entry is first.

Awesome! Thanks! I'll check it out asap.

Wow! Just read the first few bits but it's really good!
I like the format, it's a bit different from the usual. Very refreshing.

Thanks! :) I'm really glad to hear it. Once it's done I'm hoping to publish it, even if it's just an eBook. Glad to know it's working pretty well for you.

Yeah it is! I'm only up to the fourth section but I'm hooked!

Review:

Introduction the First

Consider the first sentence. It's fine. But remember it's the first thing your reader sees. Does it spark interest? Sort of. But it could be better, in my opinion.

The whole entry is rather confusing. I think that's what you were going for, but I had to read it twice before I got past jumbled words. I think it's because every sentence implies that I know something I don't. Perhaps you could give just a tiny bit more information in the sentences. Not so much that it gives everything away, but just a bit more to intrigue your readers.

I'd like to know who Elana is even writing to, but I suppose I'll find out later.

Letter the First

I like the crossing out of lines but leaving them in.

Lydia's voice is sufficiently different from Elana's, so that's good.

I have a bit of a pet peeve about starting with too much backstory, but that's just my opinion. I'd rather figure it out as we go through the story instead of it getting dropped all at once.

I get that Lydia is some kind of all-powerful being. That's cool. Should be interesting. But how does this fit with her being…well…normal. Divorce, death, orphanage, trust fund. I guess it probably gets explained later.

Oct. 2 question

Her sarcasm is amusing. :)

Reblog if you'll…right now.

I don't get it. But I alike the post variety.

7pm question

Amusing indeed.

9pm question

Yes, her voice is amusing and sarcastic.

Oct. 3 question

Interesting. The sisters' relationship seems…tense.

12pm question

Haha

1pm question

Another creative way to show the differences between the sisters.

Okay, I'm going to stop there because textbooks are calling my name. General thoughts… Not bad. It's not really my style, but the character voices a good. It's original. The tags amuse me. The only thing is… I'm not sure where the story is going. IF it's going somewhere, which I'm sure it must be, maybe try to hint at it sooner in the posts?

-Anna Watson

Hmm. Thank you for the major feedback Anna. I'll definitely be sure to work on this when I go back through and polish it before any sort of professional release.

Lydia's "normal" backstory is because she wasn't always this way, but she is now. The entire direction of where the story is going is explaining the things that happened as she stopped being normal and started being the nigh-omnipotent being she is now.

The "reblog" thing was admittedly quite dumb and something I did because I was trying to make it feel like a "real blog" rather than JUST a story, which I moved away from as I got further in.