Write, Wrote, Written discussion

This is something I wrote I would appreciate the feedback

It didn't happen, nothing happened." Of course it did, you just saw it." No I saw nothing! "Is that really what you're going to tell yourself?" Leave me alone! "Guess you really don't know who you can trust." I try to run way from the voice inside my head, but it won't let me forget What I saw. I can't tell anyone. "You can't or you won't?" There's nothing to tell... "You really weren't expecting any of this to happen were you?" Nothing happened...
I cover my ears trying to get rid of the voice that seems to follow me, but it only grows louder. "You can't unsee any of it it's too late for that. Why did this happen to me? What are you even supposed to do in a situation like this?! "First you have to accept it happened." But... it didn't. "Then why are you here going insane. I mean here you are talking to me. I'm not even real."
I finally just collapse onto the cold pavement. Then what do I do? "You go back" No! I can't go back! I suddenly start shaking with fear remembering all the horrifying images. "You have to! You need to show them you aren't afraid. Do to them what they did to you. Mae them afraid." Haven't you ever heard two wrongs don't make a right. "True, but only because two wrongs can never equal each other."
I sit there in the dark it starts to rain slightly. I don't know how long I was there, but it was silent for awhile. I almost thought the voice inside my head was gone. It was only and illusion of peace though. I was still afraid. What was I going to do now? "You can't avoid this forever" What do you want now? "I'm only trying to help you we are the same person after all." Funny, I remember you saying you weren't real. "I am to you" I can't go back there. "Then stay here and suffer like a coward." I feel the rain growing heavier. I see a red stream of water flowing beside me. In front of me I see a broken mirror. I take a quick glance at myself. "See? You're all beat up." You're right. "Now do as I say or you'll never get of this burden!" I take a look at myself in the mirror again. I touch my face a if this all may be an illusion. As if maybe I was someone else. This isn't something I wanted to deal with. We all handle things differently. I guess it all depends on who you are. You had one thing right. "Really? And what is that?" I am a coward. I pick up a shard of glass lying in front of me. "What are you doing?" I take on final look in the mirror. "You can't do this!" I feel a tear go down my face. At least now the voice will be gone too.

Maria wrote: "This is something I wrote I would appreciate the feedback

It didn't happen, nothing happened." Of course it did, you just saw it." No I saw nothing! "Is that really what you're going to tell yours..."

Good start!

Desperate need of line breaks. I won't attempt to read 'wall of text' type writing. Use the ENTER key!

Hello! I think this is great!

I agree that breaks for the dialogue changes would help to make things clearer.

You could maybe also define the inner/second voice into something tangible. Like Gollum in Lord of the Rings talking to his reflection, etc. (if you know that reference)

For example, have the character looking into a fun house mirror or maybe talking to a Pollyanna looking version of her/himself, or a ghost of someone they've lost - or something - to set the scene and mood even more.

Thanks for posting!

I thought it was great!

Very good start. You have created tension but I agree with the previous suggestion...you need page breaks. Perhaps the first person should be written in italics to provide the slightest separation between the two conversations.
Cant' wait to read the next contribution. Thank you for sharing.